Cassidy felt her mask crumbling for a moment, but it built up again without much difficulty. She thought of the price she had paid, the price she was still paying, and the price she would continue to pay for the rest of her life.
"My father trained Andrew and I in martial arts when I was younger," she told him slowly. "I was really eager to learn, and in the beginning, Andrew was also. My father, being the harsh man with high expectations that he is, demanded a lot of physical strength out of both of us. But the worst was mental discipline. He could be quite effective when he spoke to us. He told us of the dangers life would hand to us, especially since we also possessed magic. He pushed us very hard, beyond the breaking point. He broke Andrew when Andy was five years old. He went up one side of him and down the other, yelling at him, telling him how badly he had done, and why couldn't he be more like me."
Cassidy paused, and looked down for a moment. When her face rose to meet Johann's gaze once more, her expression was unchanged, but her eyes held something that could not be defined. It was such an extreme emotion, something so far beyond human reach, that no one could define it.
"I overcame my father's brutal nature by ridding myself of emotion, completely," she told Johann. "I have always been able to do what Andrew could not. Whether it was physical, like sparring, magical, like spell casting and potion making, or emotional, like what I have done to myself."
She looked at him coldly.
"Being here, where I am exposed to the emotions of others more than I was when I lived in Japan, it has been really hard to keep my emotions away. Getting along with so many people, and getting involved in their lives has allowed me to experience positive emotions, but the negative are returning as well. I have been working hard to maintain control," she told him coldly, her lips set in a grim line. "Because if you want to rid yourself completely of darkness, completely of hate, completely of everything that constitutes anger, you have to abandon the good emotions also."
Her face softened slightly, her face and hair white in the moonlight, and she could have sworn she felt a part of her die.
"It has been hard," she admitted. "Especially with Tim. I can't allow myself to get attatched. I will do anything for my friends, but I cannot let my emotions interfere. If they do, I am subject to outbursts of anger that I have also tried to control. I'm sure you've seen them..."
She trailed off once again, not sure of what to say. She decided to just sum it up.
"The price is your emotions, all of them, good as well as bad, to keep the evil spirit inside of you at bay," she told him, and awaited his response with a great gloom leering over her.
