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Never Ending Cheat

wen you wake up you have a heart attack and you drownd in the toilet.then
your arm gets heavy and acsedentaly flushes it and it gives you a swirly(yay!)
then you go to jupiter and meet god and a random drunk guy,who is on a toilet droining,and is on sterroids(dont do drugs)and you beat him with
a 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000foot long flashlight.
then god tells you...
 
"this guy ate my sandwich, so I performed a 'miracle' on him." Then god sends you back to earth for no reason whatsoever, and talks to you in your dream, which he says...
 
try not to drown in the toilet,and dont eat donuts that make you fart beacause you glued the megafartcanon7000 to your but.
then you get a shiny peanut monkey whoo knows the moove...
 
poo fling, which he then uses it on you. You chase him around and around only to get more poo flung in your face, but finally catch him. Then you...
 
...release him and fly to Viridian City. Talk to the man who teaches you to catch a Weedle. When he asks, "Are you in a hurry?" say "Maybe". (The latter will appear as an option out of nowhere.) The man will get annoyed at your indecisiveness and....
 
...he will use the Poo Fling move on your grandmother while eating a tuna sandwich. This will be followed by an Aipom using the same move on the man that was using it, then the Aipom and the man will get drunk and engage in a bar fight, but rather than using fists, they grab plastic...
 
..wrap and try to suffocate each other. Your grandmother tells you not to interfere, so interfere by throwing a Pokeball containing your trusted....
 
...stealing your Charizard and sending a Team Magma quad after you(as you discover just this instant, your grandmother is the newest leader of Team Magma). Flee to....
 
...your Grandmother's basement, which happens to be full of illegal drugs that are wrapped as if they are intended to be sold. At this point, you...
 
use fly to get to shinou were some guy gives you rukaroi.team magma starts chasing you
 
down a dark alley where a homeless man pees on you and asks Team Magma for money. At that point, Team Aqua arrives and we find out that the homeless man is, in fact, Team Aqua's new leader. He then explains that it was nessecary for him to pee on you, it offered you a distraction so that T.A. could ambush T.M., which failed because he explained the entire thing to you. Then, Groudon and Kyogre arrive to fight each other, but then realise that it is pointless and they destroy Magma and Aqua (including your grandmother that became Magma's leader). You are left standing there and Groudon thinks you look mighty tasty, so he eats you and now you are in the 3rd of his 9 stomachs. At this point, you...
 
realize that your charazard is in his brain controling him and wants to eat you because
 
that your grandma gave to random people because
 
...she is in fact an alien that is disguised as your grandmother that was killed by Kyogre and Groudon earlier. And, because of that, you...
 
go to a ufo hunter named...
 
find the 7 dragon balls from dbz shenron will then grant you a wish. Wish for a lv0 purple Kyrouge. Useing the kyrouge's surf move surf to seafoam islands to...
 
find your grandad who was recently appointed leader of team rocket because...
 
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