pkmin3033
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I haven't posted here in nearly seven months and I hadn't planned on posting here again, but...well, here we are, and here I am! I'm like a dog with a bone; I'll bury it and forget about it, but I'll always dig it up again in the end. But it's been a while, and I thought I'd make a re-introduction thread for the 3 or 4 people who might remember who I am and not inwardly groan and repeat the title of this thread to themselves when they see my name pop up in various places on here again, ahaha.
...OK, so most people who notice will probably think little more than "Oh, Dawn's back again." with studied indifference and give it no further thought. But everything sounds better (or worse) when you embellish it, and life would be so dull without that embellishment, right?
Anyways, long story short (or as short as someone like me can make it, which is not very short at all, rambly paragraphs incoming) I have...not had a very good 2022, thus far. I didn't really have a very good 2021 either. I think I've mentioned it before, but I had a very severe case of food poisoning a little over a year ago now, and I...never really recovered, once it passed. Still trying to put myself back into a better, or at least comparable, place to where I was before I had it, in truth. Health has been a constant struggle for me since my early twenties (before really, but it got worse after I finished school) and things haven't really improved. I had panic attacks for about a month afterwards, my weight dropped pretty dramatically (and it was already below what it should have been) and I was basically forced to a weird sort of...semi-veganism, because my stomach couldn't (and still cannot) tolerate a lot of things. Turns out it can do a lot of long-lasting, even permanent, damage to your gut. I got back yoghurts (probably because of the probiotics) but I doubt I'll ever be able to stomach meat again.
On top of my existing health problems, work - which has been a constant stressor since my line manager retired suddenly, especially around the start of a new financial quarter - and my...less than perfect mental state, shall we say...well. These things are all linked together, and they tend to all go wrong all at once as a result. I have had a lot of negative experiences here over the years (and more than a few positive ones; if not for those I wouldn't be posting this!) and have never really made friends in the sense that I talk to people here every day, so being here was...doing me a lot of harm. Which sounds ridiculous, but I never claimed to be a perfectly rational person. But sometimes it's best to just get away from everything. So off I went...again. Not sure if I've spent more time on hiatus than I have off it the last couple of years. My consistency has been awful. Made me a terrible moderator, I'm sure.
I'm not really "better" right now, but I think - for the moment at least - that I'm through the phase where I find talking to or interacting with anyone not my partner to be almost physically painful. No emotion is constant, and...well, you can either get worse or get better, and when things can't get much worse (although from my perspective, things could have gotten MUCH worse for me than they have been these last two years...I could be in an office, or under medical surveillance, to name two scenarios) they can only get better, right? Or you can learn to cope. I think I'm coping at the moment, for the most part. So here I am. Again. Putting that to the test, I guess! I do enjoy being here, at least until I don't. But that's the nice thing about the internet vs. real life - it's easy to come and go as you please. You can also block people online. God knows I wish I could block a few people irl...
Any more than that and this would become extremely long, TMI, and cross into some very dark waters I wouldn't be comfortable discussing and a lot of people definitely wouldn't be comfortable reading, so! I look forward to seeing you around, balancing out the universe with my cynical criticism that borders on outright negativity and often seems to antagonise people despite the fact that it's just an opinion from a random stranger on the internet whose personal perspective has no ability to affect another's enjoyment (or lack thereof!) of something. The internet is a weird place sometimes. Probably why I spend a lot of my time on it.
...OK, so most people who notice will probably think little more than "Oh, Dawn's back again." with studied indifference and give it no further thought. But everything sounds better (or worse) when you embellish it, and life would be so dull without that embellishment, right?
Anyways, long story short (or as short as someone like me can make it, which is not very short at all, rambly paragraphs incoming) I have...not had a very good 2022, thus far. I didn't really have a very good 2021 either. I think I've mentioned it before, but I had a very severe case of food poisoning a little over a year ago now, and I...never really recovered, once it passed. Still trying to put myself back into a better, or at least comparable, place to where I was before I had it, in truth. Health has been a constant struggle for me since my early twenties (before really, but it got worse after I finished school) and things haven't really improved. I had panic attacks for about a month afterwards, my weight dropped pretty dramatically (and it was already below what it should have been) and I was basically forced to a weird sort of...semi-veganism, because my stomach couldn't (and still cannot) tolerate a lot of things. Turns out it can do a lot of long-lasting, even permanent, damage to your gut. I got back yoghurts (probably because of the probiotics) but I doubt I'll ever be able to stomach meat again.
On top of my existing health problems, work - which has been a constant stressor since my line manager retired suddenly, especially around the start of a new financial quarter - and my...less than perfect mental state, shall we say...well. These things are all linked together, and they tend to all go wrong all at once as a result. I have had a lot of negative experiences here over the years (and more than a few positive ones; if not for those I wouldn't be posting this!) and have never really made friends in the sense that I talk to people here every day, so being here was...doing me a lot of harm. Which sounds ridiculous, but I never claimed to be a perfectly rational person. But sometimes it's best to just get away from everything. So off I went...again. Not sure if I've spent more time on hiatus than I have off it the last couple of years. My consistency has been awful. Made me a terrible moderator, I'm sure.
I'm not really "better" right now, but I think - for the moment at least - that I'm through the phase where I find talking to or interacting with anyone not my partner to be almost physically painful. No emotion is constant, and...well, you can either get worse or get better, and when things can't get much worse (although from my perspective, things could have gotten MUCH worse for me than they have been these last two years...I could be in an office, or under medical surveillance, to name two scenarios) they can only get better, right? Or you can learn to cope. I think I'm coping at the moment, for the most part. So here I am. Again. Putting that to the test, I guess! I do enjoy being here, at least until I don't. But that's the nice thing about the internet vs. real life - it's easy to come and go as you please. You can also block people online. God knows I wish I could block a few people irl...
Any more than that and this would become extremely long, TMI, and cross into some very dark waters I wouldn't be comfortable discussing and a lot of people definitely wouldn't be comfortable reading, so! I look forward to seeing you around, balancing out the universe with my cynical criticism that borders on outright negativity and often seems to antagonise people despite the fact that it's just an opinion from a random stranger on the internet whose personal perspective has no ability to affect another's enjoyment (or lack thereof!) of something. The internet is a weird place sometimes. Probably why I spend a lot of my time on it.
