Pokemon Destiny: Beginnings

[dumbpikAchu]

I know this looks wierd with all of the asterisks and stuff like I'm a noob, but it was orriginally supposed to be a Youtube video. some might say it comes from nowhere, but for those of you who haven't seen it:
https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=167734
The Legend
In the beginning, there was nothing but whiteness in the Pokemon Universe. The other universes had already been complete, but this one just starting. At the Time AD 502 In our universe, The Whiteness made a portal and let out a goat like figure. The Figure thought a bit, and decided to call himself Arceus.
" I wish there was an asteroid right- Wait, what's an asteroid? What the heck am I saying? How is there time? I'm supposed to create Dialga later! Oh well." *Asteroid pops up*
"Ooh, I can create!Wait, What the heck?" Anyways, before doing anything else..
Dialga, rise, so I can have more time, I don't understand how there is time without you.."
"Yes master."
"Wait, what the- Man, I say that too much... Wow, didn't think you'd look like that!"
"Yes, I think you should create Palkia, so we can create other stuff."
"Wait, how was I made without Palkia? Oh well."
*Creates Palkia*
"Wait, you're FAT!"
"Yes, I know..."
"Well, lets make the- Wow, we spoil alot..."
*Creates the birds*
"Wow, Hey *SPOIL, SPOIL, and SPOIL!"
I will call you Articuno, for you are Ice type, and you were the first one to be created. Zapdos, Electric type, Second. Moltres, Fire type, Third.
To be continued...

 

[dumbpikAchu]

"Okiies, now..." *Mew pops up* "Ahh! I haven't created that gay pink thing!"
"I'm not gay, I made you."
"Whoa, so you created me?"
"Well, long story short, I ran out of magic enough that I could only create you and turn myself into a gay pink thing. I was originally just a force of power. Call me Mew."
"Meow, don't you mean?"
"It's not funny. Get to work. NOW."
"Ok, ok. I'll make Mewtwo and Mewthree."
*Creates Mewtwo*
"Why are you raping that purple thing?"
"It's just a color on me."
*Creates Mewthree, Basically Mew's shortness and ability to fly combined with Mewtwo's power and color*
"You're still raping that purple thing."
"Shut up about the Purple Thing!" Mewtwo said.
Dialga said, "He's right."
Palkia said, "He's right."
"Hey!"
While the Birds all said, "Let's get to work!"
To be continued...

 

[Blue Screen of Death]

Uh, yeah... I just have a couple of questions.

1: What is the plot exactly?
2: Who are these people talking?

You seriously need to work on everything. And I mean everything. Grammar, spelling, plot, characters, setting, all that fun stuff.

Oh, and a little note: While it is your story, and you can make your own pokemon within it, I know for a fact that Mewthree is not a real pokemon.

Lastly, what does this have to do with the link you provided?

 

[dumbpikAchu]

ADAR, it's not a real Pokemon! this is the sequel to the link, and for the question about who's talking, quit obvious. :/ BUT. I'm only making it like this because all it is is whiteness and a couple characters. A comedy part of the story. people go XD for the beggining. A comforting start.

 

[Blue Screen of Death]

What is ADAR? I do not speak acronyms constantly, so I don't know this one. Also, the sequel to an unfinished story... Is it a stand-alone sequel?

Even if it is just white, you should tell the readers that. Put a little action in your stories! All the talking is confusing!

Lastly, I have two comments. 1: Comedy part of the story? All I see is a bunch of insult humor, completely incoherent sentences, and crude jokes. 2: While people do tend to go for the beginning, I wouldn't call this a comforting start. You throw the readers right into the story, without any history or description, and immediately start a never-ending wall of speech.


I tried to give you honest advice, don't just spam all over the place in response!

 

[Astinus]

This is...far from funny.

Random insult humor, especially homophobic comments and jokes about something that could be a trigger for people, is not something that's welcomed in PFF&P, or on PC at all.

Also, there's the fact that your story has the issues that BSoD has pointed out. While I am willing to give chances, I don't want to use those chances on a story that's insulting and downright unfunny.