poke'mon wars volume one

Status
Not open for further replies.

poke'glitch girl

    • 6
    Posts
    17
    Years
    • Seen Feb 19, 2008
    intro
    Flara, a ten year old girl wanted to stop team galactic
    from taking over the poke'mon world....Suddenly team rocket,team
    aqua, and team galactic have come together,causing..............................


    the poke'mon war!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Last edited:
    poke'glitch girl said:
    intro
    Flara, a ten year old girl wanted to stop team galactic
    from taking over the poke'mon world....Suddenly team rocket,team
    aqua, and team galactic have come together,causing..............................


    the poke'mon war!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I will be taking ideas from anybody
    Click to expand...

    If you're taking ideas from anybody, it's not necessarily a fic. More like Line Inspiration.
     
    CHAPTER I

    Flara was walking out of the house to ride her Ponyta
    to the war whitch was far to the north from her.
    Ponyta had a note on her saddle that said.

    dear Flara,

    I got Ponyta ready for you.If you and your poke'mon
    get hungry,there are poffins and granola bars in
    her bags.I sent some max revives and max potions with you too.

    we will miss you,
    Mom


    Flara felt like crying as she got on the horse's back.
    She knew that everybody would hear her.
     
    I'm sorry to say that this Fic probably won't last long. It's no way where near long enough to be considered a chapter, let alone a prologue.
     
    TurtleKing said:
    I'm sorry to say that this Fic probably won't last long. It's no way where near long enough to be considered a chapter, let alone a prologue.
    Click to expand...
    And don't forget the fact that this story makes little or no sense and has many grammar issues. I would advise you to read various fan fics and see how you can improve.
     
    This fanfic does not meet the standards of Pokemon Fanfiction. Your grammar needs improvement. Your length of chapters is exceptionally short. Read other fanfics to see how things are done, and try again.

    Description is really needed. What does the world look like? How does Flara feel as she's leaving home? Sure, she's crying, but why? I'm guessing that it's because she's leaving home, but you really didn't make a big deal about that.

    What's the history of the world? How long has the war been going on? Why is Flara being sent off to fight in the war? Did she volunteer, was forced, doing it so her old father doesn't have to?

    Just some questions to answer and to think about.

    And grammar. Grammar is really important. There are guides online to help you out, or you could find a beta reader to read over your fic and help you improve before you post.
     
    Status
    Not open for further replies.
    Back
    Top