Pokemon Zolat

[AustinE]

Pokemon Zolat

The start of our journey

In the Region of Zolat the Gym leaders from all over the world come togethor; Hoenn, Sinnoh, Johto, and Kanto leaders in one place! four leaders in one gym!

To advance to the Pokemon League you must have 8 badges!

Oh, did i mention not all the elite four came.....Only the four best did!
You must Face them All at the same time in a quadrouble battle!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Announcer*-Welcome to the Pokemon league Finals, Austin VS Lance!
*Austin*-Go, Gyarados!
*Lance*- Lets Go, Dragonite!
*Announcer*-This battle is under way.(Austin! Austin, Wake up!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Mom*- Austin, Your going to be late for your meeting with Prof. Haris!
*Austin* Oh yeah, Cya mom.
*Mom*- Are you going there in your underwear....
*Austin*-no.......

~ 5 minutes Later~

*Austin*-Wow, Today i get my own Pokemon!
*Seth*- Hey Wait up Austin!
*Austin*- Oh Hey Seth, you excited to.
*Seth*-Oh yeah!
*Austin*-Look there's Grey and Knight.
*Grey*- KNIGHT! How many times do i have to tell you, the odds of you getting a shiny are 8,134 to 1
*Knight*-It could Happen!
*Grey*-Not!
*Austin*- Hey Guys.
*Both*-Hey.
*Austin*-So who are you guys chosing anyway?
*Grey*- Pikachu of course!
*Knight*- Torchic!
*Seth* Turtwig!
*Austin*- Cool i don't know who im gonna pick.
~Later at Prof. Haris's Lab~
*Prof. Haris*- So which one do you want?
*Grey*- Pikachu!
*Prof. Haris*- Okay, here you go!
*Prof. Haris*-Next.
*Knight*- Torchic please!
*Prof. Haris*- Here, Take care of him.
*Prof. Haris*-Next.
*Seth*- I want a Turtwig!
*Prof. Haris* Okay, Take care of it.
*Austin*-My turn!
*Prof. Haris* Im sorry we're all out.
*Austin Grabs Prof. Haris*
*Austin*-WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR ALL OUT!
*Prof. Haris*- Well i do have one pokemon left but its not a designated started.
*Prof. Haris*-It's a Eevee.
*Austin*-Give it NOW!
*Prof. Haris*-OK, dont hurt me!
~outside~

*Austin*- Alright lets meet our pokemon
*All*- Yeah!
*Austin*- Grey you first.
*Grey*-Ok.....

*Grey Release's his pokemon and in a flash of red light a figure starts to emerge*
*Pikachu*-Pika.
*Grey*-COOL!

*The Rest release their pokemon, then all eyes turn to Knight*

*Knight*- My Torchic, its Glowing Purple!
*Grey*-What is it?
*Seth*- Who cares its Awesome!
*Austin*- Yeah!




*Our Heroes return home to pack their things, because today they leave on a pokemon journey!*

 

[TurtleKing]

OK, after reading your intro:

In the Region of Zolat the Gym leaders from all over the world come togethor; Hoenn, Sinnoh, Johto, and Kanto leaders in one place! four leaders in one gym!

To advance to the Pokemon League you must have 8 badges!

Oh, did i mention not all the elite four came.....Only the four best did!
You must Face them All at the same time in a quadrouble battle!

OK. To me, I would instantly press the back button. I know you're trying to be different in your fic, but this is a little over the top.

You have to make your fic somewhat realistic, Pokemon-wise. "Quadouble" battles? Come on now.

Also, if you're writing a fic, you shouldn't use script format. Script format isn't very attractive.

I'm sure there's more to pick at, so look forward to this post being edited.

*Prof. Haris*-It's a Eevee.

NO!!!! THE DREADED EEVEE!!!

Eevee shouldn't be designated as a starter. I don't care if it's an opinion, IT SHOULDN'T.

 

[AustinE]

Look thats basicly a typo, you dont realy fight them in a quadrouble battle..the four winners of the Pokemon League will fight the elite four.. 4 v 4 Then the winners of that battle will fight until theres 1 left


Uncase you didnt see the...


Prof. Haris*- Well i do have one pokemon left but its not a designated started

 

[TurtleKing]

Look thats basicly a typo, you dont realy fight them in a quadrouble battle..the four winners of the Pokemon League will fight the elite four.. 4 v 4 Then the winners of that battle will fight until theres 1 left

No, that is not a typo.

And the bolded part was not added in your "intro".

I can tell your a new Fan Fic writer.

Rule number one, READ OVER YOUR FIC BEFORE RELEASING IT TO THE PUBLIC.

See if it makes any sense. If it doesn't make sense to you, it won't make sense to the people.

Prof. Haris*- Well i do have one pokemon left but its not a designated started

My apologies. But still, Eevee shouldn't even be a choice, period. Designated or not.

Eevee has been a starter for so many fanfic characters, it's ridiculous.

 

[AustinE]

New?

Well i have book 2, if you would be kind enough to rate.

 

[AustinE]

Book 2

Pokemon
Zolat



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dark Pokemon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We join our heroes on a path outhside of their hometown of Yion,
To go to the next town Jadenel. But to get there they must go through the dark Jade Forest. What Adventures wait our Heroes in Jade Forest?

*Austin*-Eevee Quick Attack!
*Eevee*-EEE...VEEE
*Eevee lunges forward and hits a Bidoof Knocking it out*
*Austin*-Great thats just like the 87th BIDOOF!!
*Grey*-*Yawn* Pikachu use......Whatever.
*Knight*-Weres Seth?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Seth has wandered in small cave, not knowing whats going to happen he
is about to learn some weird things!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Seth*-Hello?
*????*-Someone's here...
*Seth*-Who are you?
*Zanx*- Oh how rude of me, The names Zanx. Im a wandering explorer.
*Seth*-What are you doing here?
*Zanx*- Studying the Dark Holes!
*Seth*-Dark Holes?
*Zanx*- Yes, Sometimes a hole of darkness busts from the ground, it produces what we call *Dark Crystals* if a pokemon absorbs these crystals it will either,
A. Reduce to its birth form! (Author note- That pretty much means level 1)
B. Become a dark pokemon.

*Seth*- That must be what Knight's Torchic is, Tell me more about these 'Dark'
Pokemon.
*Zanx*- They are more aggressive but careless.
*Seth*-Hmm, are they rare?
*Zanx*-well i only have two but........
*Seth*-What are they?
*Zanx*- Eevee and Zubat.
*Seth*- I will trade you my Turtwig for your eevee.
*Zanx*- Deal, i need to study the impact on sinnoh pokemon.
*Seth* Awesome!
*????*- Prepare for trouble!
*????*- And make it Double!
*Seth*- TEAM ROCKET!!
*Seth*-Go Eevee use....um whatever you got!
(Eevee lunges forward and bites the strange duo!)
*Grey*- Oh my God! Get it off!
*Knight*-Ha ha, Grey is getting whooped!
*Seth*- Oh, Eevee Return!

*After a long time talking and explaining they notice Austin's gone!*

*Seth*-Austin!
*Knight*-Austin!
*A massive hyperbeam bust's through the wall and almost hits Grey!*
*Grey*- I think we found him!

*They Rush outside to see Austin Cornered againest a hooded man and a tyranatar!*

*Austin*- A little help here?

*What will happen to our heroes and who is this masked man? Find out on the next chapter of Pokemon


and about the eevee, this started with me just sharing this with friends.

 

[TurtleKing]

Well i have book 2, if you would be kind enough to rate.

Ok. Let's see it, then. Gah, my messgae is too short.

 

[True Weavile Master]

Yeah......

Well, it looks cool, who is this Seth, he seems pretty cool, Well, HA, HA !!!! I the True Weavile Master am Seth

 

[Ashy Larry]

well done, I like it but more about Seth

 

[Sydian]

Ummm. This is weird. Script format doesn't suit, unless you are writing a play, and by the looks of the forum...-doublechecks-...yup, this is the 'Fan Fiction' forum.

*A massive hyperbeam bust's through the wall and almost hits Grey!*

Hyper Beam, not hyperbeam.

*Austin*-Great thats just like the 87th BIDOOF!!

It should be 'that's' not 'thats'. And why all the sudden scream 'BIDOOF!!' ? Strange.

And I am bothered that I have no clue what the characters look like. And I'm bothered by the rush and lack of description of surroundings as well. This needs a lot of work. You clearly are new. Don't get discouraged, just take the advice! And this also seems too rushed. It's like point A to B to C...it's really lackluster. And...don't abreviate Professor. That's really lazy. -_-;;

@TurtleKing-

My apologies. But still, Eevee shouldn't even be a choice, period. Designated or not.

Eevee has been a starter for so many fanfic characters, it's ridiculous.

I love Eevee to death, but I will agree here--it's too common in fics for a starter. It might just be a sign for...I dunno, lack of originality? Maybe if someone started with...Magikarp? That'd be funny. But, it is too common.

 

[Percy Thrillington]

well done, I like it but more about Seth

Well done, you just posted in a thread that had been dead for about four months and that you're not allowed to post in.

Carry on, chaps.

 

[Astinus]

Oni Raichu, use the report button next time you see a bumped thread. Do not mini-mod.

Ashy Larry, next time you are seen here breaking the rules, it is a warning. Reread the Community rules and the rules of the section.

This thread is now closed due to being bumped.