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Sankola Islands Ash's new adventure

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NoOb GaMeMaKeR

    • 139
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    17
    Years
    • Seen Dec 26, 2007
    Here is my first story that I have just typed.

    As Ash arrived in Liora Village in the Beginner's Island he saw his old friend misty by the old pond looking at some of the new water pokemon."Hey misty how is the gym back in Cerulean City."Ash questioned."Oh, it is fine and by the way what are you doing here?" Misty replied."I just came to catch more pokemon and check out the new gyms."Ash answered.So as Ash and Misty head their way to route 1 they heard some yelling and shouting.Once they arrived their , MapleWood Town ,( which was past route 1 ) they saw Team Acid stealing Proffessor Wilton's pokemon."NO PLEASE DON'T STEAL THEM I WORKED MY WHOLE LIFE ON THOSE!"Shouted Proffessor Wilton.Team acid did not reply instead they ran off with the pokeballs leaving proffessor wilton on the ground depressed.Proffessor Wilton was depressed because those pokemon were his life and he doesn't have them anymore."Proffessor Wilton are you OK?"Ash questioned."Yes I am fine,but without those pokemon I am nothing."Proffessor Wilton replied.Just then a lightbulb when off in his head." Hey I got it!". More additions to the story will come soon and post what you think will happen next.( make it brief pleeaase)
     
    Last edited:
    dunno really, add more chapters first
     
    I am working on a new chapter right now and I am typing on a program that doesn't fix your grammar mistakes.
     
    I am typing on that same kind of program, and I can type with less then half of the mistakes you've made. It's called proofreading. Deal with it.

    As for your opening "just typed" line? Quality over speed, buddy. If your story is failing, then it doesn't matter how quickly it was typed.

    Let's start things off.

    1. Description: Who is everyone? What do they look like? What are they like as a person? What are they wearing? I realize Ash and Misty are fairly recognizable, but the fun thing about a fanfic is that you can tweak the appearance of a character slightly. May I add that we have no idea where this is set in the anime canon? To top it off, who are Team Acid? How do we know their name? Where are they from? Do they have a known goal, or are they keeping it secret? What the heck do they look like? And don't just say "they wore this and this and this" and leave it at that. Use imagery. Simile and metaphor are tools of great justice for any writer, be he amateur or pro.

    2. Spacing: Space between every major thought by hitting enter twice. This includes changing the paragraph between the thoughts of each speaker. Got it?

    3. Just 'cause you want everything I say to be brief doesn't mean you should make your chapter this short. Four pages on a standard word processor is about a minimum acceptable chapter, yo. Got it?
     
    yes =( i guess i shouldn't make pokemon stories anymore because they always come out to be wrong whichever one i make wherever i post
     
    =( Hey...don't give up. Please don't. If you want to write, you should. We all just want to see you improve, so we help you out. And to be honest, what you learn on Pokemon forums about writing might help you out in school. It did for me.

    And ACC is just a mean Cubone. >O I'm kidding, ACC.

    Look, just follow the advice that's been given to you. Take a look at the stickied threads in the Writer's Lounge. Check out some of the good fanfics on this forum and others. And most of all, keep writing.

    It is true though that there is room for improvement. You need to hit the Enter button twice to make new paragraphs so your story is easier to read. You need to have good grammar so your story is easier to read. That's just the basics. Well, those things and the fact that chapters need to be around three pages in length (I think) or else they'll get closed by the moderator.

    But most of all, don't give up.
     
    alright i guess ill improve but right now i am working on my pokemon project palkias revenge
    Pm me for the link
     
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