Santa Claus found dead in workshop [AFD joke]

[Nah]

Manakete News Corporation​

Santa Claus discovered dead in workshop at the North Pole​

The International Police today released the information that Santa Claus, known around the world for his bringing of presents to all the children of the world once a year, was found dead in his home and workshop at the North Pole last week.

Interpol states that the location of Mr. Claus's workshop, long a secret that no intelligence agency has ever been able to learn, was brought to them by an elf who suddenly showed up at their headquarters. The elf, allegedly completely hysterical and muttering incoherently, handed Interpol a post-it note scrawled with coordinates before promptly dropping dead.

Elves are a rare sight in today's world--most people never see one, and the few that do have never seen one very far from the northernmost reaches of the globe. Perplexed as to why an elf was seen so far from that region, Interpol decided to investigate.

Agents sent to the coordinates provided by the elf found Mr. Claus's workshop. According to them, the "workshop" is in fact a massive, multi-floor factory. How such a building was able to escape detection for all these years is still unknown at this time. The scene inside was reportedly described by the Interpol agents as "an absolute massacre" and "like walking into the gates of hell".

One agent that MNC was able to interview told us about his experience inside the factory:

"It was absolutely awful inside. When you go to Santa's workshop, you expect to see a bunch of cute little elves happily working away, with Christmas-themed decorations and all that, right? We walked in and got a murder scene instead. There were dead elves all over the place man. Some of them hardly looked like elves anymore too, there were ones that weren't much more than piles of blood and flesh. Craziest part is that it looks like they died fighting too. Just thinking about it still gives me the chills. Half the place was on fire too. Between the flames and how big the place was, it took us nearly a full day just to find Mr. Claus's corpse.".

The preliminary autopsy report released today stated that the cause of Santa Claus's death was burning to death. The report also stated that he received a gunshot wound to the leg as well.

The International Police has said that they are "working around the clock to solve this heinous and heart-breaking case of mass murder".

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[Grey Wind]

I'm just gonna say it: no one is talking about this because Santa Claus is white.

 

[gimmepie]

I'm just gonna say it: no one is talking about this because Santa Claus is white.

You just had to make this a race issue didn't you. The whole world is grieving because we lost a great man and you're using that to push a political agenda. Absolutely appalling. You should be ashamed.

 

[ShinyUmbreon189]

Happy April fools. Even if Santa Clause were real I wouldn't believe such a story.

And what you expect a minority to do with racial issues? Of course their first instinct is to bring it up by pulling the race card. They're keeping racism alive without realizing it doing exactly what their masters want them to do, keep us divided. I also love this line from Freddie Gibbs

"And fuck police cause' they killing you and killing me
Slanging and banging, my paper stay getting fatter so do black lives matter when you're about to kill your enemy?"

 

[Megan]

Rumor has it that one of the elves has played a video game.

 

[ShinyUmbreon189]

It was actually in a parallel universe inside a parallel universe in a virtual reality video game.

 

[Vragon2.0]

Whelp, time for Jack Frost to take over.