[Pokémon] Sons of Ra

[Fairy]

So, this is my contribution to The Writer's Dex! Also my first thread in FF&W, welp. bobandbill suggested the entries become threads so, here I am! The subject Pokemon I had in mind was Heliolisk, although the poem could fit either Heliolisk or Helioptile. This is the first poem I've composed in a very long time, and I admit that I've lost my eye for proper poetic grammar or any sense of good word coordination. Any help is appreciated, as I'd like to continue contributing to the dex with something a little more substantial than the most basic poetry. Nevertheless, I'm fairly excited. I've edited the poem from the original in The Writer's Dex and tried to give it a touch more depth, so I'm enthusiastic for any comments and critiques. Thanks! :)

Sons of Ra

In ancient sands the sons of Ra
Crawl out into the morning sky
Their hoods soak up the fiery rays
On scales beneath these creatures lie

Cold-blood within, reptilian men
Who bore the mark eternal sun
Their eyes were wide and tongues were split
Sons Ra himself would come to mourn

The sun can make immortals fall
But not these kings of times gone by
Ra gave the two enormous strength
Imbued with powers of the sky

With thunderous power both did rise
In mecca deserts, time stood still
The sons of Ra did lightning strike
Awoken had the creature's will

The sun they ate, till darkness fell
But never to arise again
The two consumed Ra's greatest gift
Unearthed had been the plagues of men

The children of the God of Sun
Duel with lightning in the sand
The sun had changed when they were born
When Ra reached forth to bless this land

But in their greed they ate the sun
So deserts never bloomed with life
The creatures has absorbed it all
And left the sand in midnight strife

 

[Nolafus]

I actually really liked this. I think it's neat how you made it so that you never mention the pokemon, but if you read it with Helioptile or Heliolisk in mind, it's pretty clear you're talking about them. Don't worry about this, you did great! :D

The only thing I would mention is the punctuation at the end of each line. If you noticed, there isn't any, which is where I'm running into problems.

 

[Fairy]

Thank you! I admit I'm out of practice, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun writing this. And you totally got it right, I wanted to conjure images of Heliolisk instead of outright saying it and use that imagery as the backbone of my descriptive tools. Which, in retrospect, may seem a bit counter productive in a Writer's Dex but, haha, oh well. I said it once (or twice) and I'll say it again; I've been wanting to get in touch with my inner writer. So this has been a great experience for me!

I wasn't even sure if poetry even had punctuation. I'll go back in and fix it. :) Can't wait to see what's next on the list!