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The Big Red Button

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You can't breath and you die
*pushes red button*
 
you get crushed by an idiot beaver in costume riding a red cart...

*pushes red button*
 
The Sig Rules changes and you get your account banned
*pushes red button*
 
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You suddenly grow thick hair all over your body which causes potiently deadly heat problems. (I hope you got good AC ;) )

*Pushes button*
 
Egyptian riots start outside your house.

*Stares as button falls to the ground, depressing*
 
Edward Cullen from Twilight shows up and you run away...but of course Edward is faster. Looks like you have a new match, like it or not!

*drinking orange juice, trips on a stick and lands next to red button*

A red button...should I press it? Nah, too dangerous.
*gets up and throws stick away because mad that it tripped me*

Stick hits red button.
 
Lots of documents fall on you...

*pushes all buttons in this hall*
 
You are suddenly surrounded by Ninjas! I think you know how this will end....

*Pushes red button*
 
A big party comes out to celebrate your big achievement of pressing the button, complete with a (cup)cake and (uninflated) ballons falling from the ceiling.

*Pushes the big red button*
 
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