the grey areas of cheating

poopnoodle

 
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    how do you feel about multiple partner relationships, consensual or otherwise? why is cheating considered to be a major offense in a relationship? is it ever okay to cheat, is there ever a valid excuse? do you think cheaters are able to change their ways and deserve a second chance? you may share your experiences here if you have any, and please keep disagreements civil.
     
    I can understand that in some cultures men are allowed to have multiple wives and that's fine. It's their culture.
    Cheating however is a no go. There is no grey area, if you cheat you cheat.
    From my experience also, once a cheater always a cheater.
    I've been cheated on a few times over the years, it's not a good feeling when you find out, trust me.
    I couldn't do it to someone else and I certainly won't be cheating on my gf.
     
    Cheating can't be justified. Simple as that.
    Cheaters aren't likely to change either...

    One thing I don't understand is, when someone cheats on their partner and their partner ends up leaving them for it... And so they go and start a relationship with the person they cheated on their now ex with, how on earth can they trust each other?
     
    There's a world of difference between having multiple consensual partners and cheating on one. If you are in an exclusive relationship though, having an affair is a no go.
     
    Fever said:
    I can understand that in some cultures men are allowed to have multiple wives and that's fine. It's their culture.
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    i wouldn't say that makes it morally acceptable. i tend to think that sort of lifestyle isn't one that usually pursues genuine love, but self-centered pleasure instead. i presume there are some people who have been brought into that kind of relationship and aren't happy with it. there are plenty of atrocious actions made by people of other cultures simply because their culture allows/promotes those actions, whether or not they're morally justified is always debatable.

    Cheating however is a no go. There is no grey area, if you cheat you cheat.
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    well think about relationships that are and have been deteriorating, and one partner gets caught up in a romantic fling (it could be a deluded feeling of love stemming from boredom or unhappiness, it could be a genuine spark- either way, the feeling can be out of one's control) with another person. i'm not saying it's necessarily okay to cheat in situations like this, i'm just presenting a bit of grey area for you to contemplate.
     
    Have you ever read Brave New World?

    The ideas in that book (The "evils" of being alone, chastity, monogamy, etc.) were meant to be horribly shocking.

    I tend to believe that polygamy devalues the relationships between all involved, and cheapens it to a pleasurable activity, rather than an actual bond.
     
    I think the point of a relationship is to share your love with one person and one person alone. To be honest, I don't see the good in having multiple partners at the same time. I'd say if your partner cheats on you, they've betrayed you in a way. Because you had trust and faith in them from the begining, and then they go cheat on you with someone else. :/
     
    Cheating is one of the worst things anyone can do in a relationship. You go behind their back and do something you know will hurt them terribly if they found out, so you lie to them, selfishly sneak around behind their back and willingly risk breaking their heart just because one ****buddy isn't good enough for you. Cheating is the lowest of the low. Once a cheater, always a cheater. No second chances in my eyes.

    If it's a consensual open relationship, then who cares? Some complications might arise if people change their opinion on the situation, but everyone knows what they're getting themselves into so there's not really any selfish or malicious intentions involved.

    If a relationship is falling apart, it doesn't make cheating okay. If someone is in a bad relationship then they should just end it before pursuing another partner, it's not fair to sneak around because you're too cowardly and selfish to be honest with someone you're supposed to love.
    If the relationship is such a bad one that you don't love your partner anymore, then there's no point in cheating because you might as well just end that relationship if there's no love left. If you do love someone, then you just wouldn't cheat. I don't believe anyone who cheats on their partner can truly love or care for them.
     
    Vendak said:
    Cheating is one of the worst things anyone can do in a relationship. You go behind their back and do something you know will hurt them terribly if they found out, so you lie to them, selfishly sneak around behind their back and willingly risk breaking their heart just because one ****buddy isn't good enough for you. Cheating is the lowest of the low. Once a cheater, always a cheater. No second chances in my eyes.

    If it's a consensual open relationship, then who cares? Some complications might arise if people change their opinion on the situation, but everyone knows what they're getting themselves into so there's not really any selfish or malicious intentions involved.

    If a relationship is falling apart, it doesn't make cheating okay. If someone is in a bad relationship then they should just end it before pursuing another partner, it's not fair to sneak around because you're too cowardly and selfish to be honest with someone you're supposed to love.
    If the relationship is such a bad one that you don't love your partner anymore, then there's no point in cheating because you might as well just end that relationship if there's no love left. If you do love someone, then you just wouldn't cheat. I don't believe anyone who cheats on their partner can truly love or care for them.
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    This I agree with fully. Honestly I feel that cheating is wrong. If you can't be honest enough with your partner, how can you expect them to trust you ever again, even as a friend? I don't care if you are afraid of hurting a person's feelings, I'd much rather be told outright that those feelings are not there/no longer shared than it being kept a secret from me. Being cheated on sucks worse than being rejected...because it's the worst possible kind of rejection. It hurts deeply, and the longer the secret is kept, and the longer you remain misled, the deeper the emotional wound is. This is especially the case if you're someone who can quickly bond very deeply with someone once they gain your trust.

    Even if you're only dating, the least they can do is say "Ok, it's not gonna work out, I'm going to date someone else." :<
     
    When I looked at this thread, I thought it was about cheating in video games, not about relationships.

    I don't think there is a grey area when it comes to cheating. Being in a relationship of any kind is about trust in one another and honesty. If you're with a person and you start to waver towards another, at least have the common decency to admit that the relationship was a mistake before it spins out of control. It would hurt, but being honest will heal those wounds over time and that trust factor is a bit broken, but if you and your ex-partner are on good terms, you can count on them during a bad time.

    Cheating is basically the same as lying to a person. You say you want to make it work and you love that person, but you're seeing another person behind their back. All you're doing is adding fuel to a slowly burning fire that will sooner or later turn into an inferno and you have no chance of putting it out. Now only are you not honest about the relationship, you're breaking the trust factor as well. Let's say you stop cheating and your original partner forgives you. But that person won't fully trust you anymore because you cheated. Plus, your original partner won't know if you're honest or sincere anymore as well. It's also not right for your original partner to cheat as well. Nobody wins in that situation. Maybe Jerry Springer wins because you'll be fighting about it on his show in the near future and I'll be laughing at the carnage.

    In closing, I think Vendak has the best answer here and deserves an E-Cookie for that post.
     
    So you all don't think that a person can truly love more than one person?
     
    I think cheating is a big offense on a relationship because if you go out with someone else, then the first person you're going out with thinks that you don't care about them anymore. Unless there's a valid excuse for cheating, then I'm against it. Also, it's hard to maintain multiple partner relationships.
     
    Zebeedoo said:
    I think the point of a relationship is to share your love with one person and one person alone. To be honest, I don't see the good in having multiple partners at the same time. I'd say if your partner cheats on you, they've betrayed you in a way. Because you had trust and faith in them from the begining, and then they go cheat on you with someone else. :/
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    I agree.
    If you cheat on your gf/bf then I say that you shouldn't get a second chance.
    I wouldn't give my gf another chance if she cheated on me, because she could just do it again, and thats why I don't think they should get a second chance. Because you love them, and trust them, and then they go behind your back and cheat on you, When if they were un-happy with the person, they couldv'e broke up with them, and saved them the trouble of cheating.
     
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    -Scourge- said:
    I agree.
    If you cheat on your gf/bf then I say that you shouldn't get a second chance.
    I wouldn't give my gf another chance if she cheated on me, because she could just do it again, and thats why I don't think they should get a second chance. Because you love them, and trust them, and then they go behind your back and cheat on you, When if they were un-happy with the person, they couldv'e broke up with them, and saved them the trouble of cheating.
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    As hard as being dumped by someone you love is, being cheated on by them is a lot worse. It makes you feel so stupid that you were lead on for so long.
     
    Personally, if neither of the partners have a problem with their partner being with someone else at the same time, then there is nothing wrong with it. (Open relationship)

    Otherwise, it's not okay.

    That's just my opinion, you entitled to your own.
     
    This is all my opinion.

    As a bisexual male I can personally say that I've had a relationship wherein my partner was fine if I was involved with a girl, so long as he knew. Now, the situation never arose, nor did he and i ever get physical,but that isn't the point. As long as doing that with someone who isn't your significant other is fine, if they are okay with it, and the relationship with the third person is purely physical. There's 2 types of cheating. physical and emotional. In my opinion, you can 'cheat' without actually doing anything physical if you have an emotional connection that resembles a relationship while you're in one already, and that's just as wrong if not worse than physical cheating, at least in my opinion.
     
    There is no grey area in cheating. Polygamy =/= cheating when all partners know about it. It might be morally off to some people, but if everyone in the relationship is fine with it, to hell with everyone else. If there's someone doesn't know, then it's cheating, pretty much.
     
    FreakyLocz14 said:
    So you all don't think that a person can truly love more than one person?
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    I do think that is possible. But if you truly loved someone, you wouldn't put them through the trauma of being cheated on, and you also wouldn't say to someone else you loved "I love you, but you're going to have to be second best whilst I remain with my partner."

    People will just have to choose one person. They may well love someone else, but they shouldn't put anyone they love through anything less than a genuine, honest relationship; or just tell them that it won't work out so both people can move on as quickly as possible. If you're willing to lie to someone, or make someone just a bit of meat on the side, then that is far from love.
     
    FreakyLocz14 said:
    So you all don't think that a person can truly love more than one person?
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    I never said anything like that. I do believe a person can love more than one person. I mean look at families with children; having a kid is great and you would love it loads, but if you had a second child would love the first one less? No, you would love them both equally, perhaps even more so.
     
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