The Heroic Father Pikachu [an epic poem!]

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An-chan

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    Ah, what the heck.
    I've written poetry in Finnish for half of my life, and I thought I'd give English a try, as I'm writing in English nowadays anyway and all that. So, I wrote this poem about a family of Pikachu on a whim. I know this isn't actually the main purpose of this place, but I'm getting annoyed by the new trend of making poems that aren't really poems. So, I'm posting my pathetic try here.

    This here, people, is a poem. It might not be a good one, but it is one.

    Now, remember this isn't my native language: if there's a rhyme that's bad and ther would be a better one, please tell me. I like learning new words. Or re-remembering old ones.

    The Heroic Father Pikachu


    A family of Pikachu
    Went on a trip, and out of blue
    A human boy blocked their way.
    You know what wild creatures say:
    If you do not want to live in a ball,
    Run away from humans. Thats all
    The rumors ever told about these
    Evil beings with hearts of cheese
    (The smelliest type, of course)
    Nobody knew the frighting source
    Of their nasty ball-shaped prisons
    (Or their healthy, tasty potions)!

    The startled father Pikachu
    Yelled: "Run away, I'll cover you!"
    "No, father, I'll stay and help",
    Claimed his son but let out a yelp
    When his mother grabbed his ear
    And dragged him to bushes near
    The place their father stood.
    The human boy took off his hood
    and told the yellow family:
    "I'm a man of dignity!
    I will not catch nor battle you
    so fear not, my little Pikachu."
    The boy then squatted to pat the head
    Of the Pikachu dad, already half dead
    Of pure dread and absolute fright:
    So scared he was to get into a fight.

    The boy then walked ahead, away,
    Without even looking Pikachu's way.
    "You better go, you lousy brat!"
    Yelled Pikachu. "And don't come back!"
    By doing so he felt less like a zero.
    "Daddy, daddy! You're a real hero!"
    Screamed his kids and spread the story
    Of their father and his glory.
    It wasn't long 'til everyone knew
    Of the revolutionary news:
    A Pikachu father beat a boy!
    Oh, the glory! Oh, the joy!
    And once his was so widely famed
    He was soon officially named
    (After the rumor had twirled and whirled)
    "The Bravest Father of This World".
    ---

    Now, imagine there's a picture of a wild Pikachu confronted by a skinny and pale boy that will be a scientist one day. I would have drawn one but I didn't have the energy. I'm very lazy, you see.

    What do you think?
     
    I think this was very well written. I can definitely say that this is written much better than any of the other poems I have seen lately (Thinks about previous poems -.-)

    The only problems I could really see were grammatical in nature, and most had to do with comma usage. I believe that general writing comma rules still apply in poems, but I cannot be entirely sure as I have not taken a serious interest in writing poetry. I would advise asking someone with a much better idea of poetry this question, and do a final proofread of this poem.

    So, overall, I like it. It has a good rhythm to it, and definitely has a flow. I look forward to any other poems you post here, and will read your fanfiction soon enough.
     
    Good job ;) I usually never liked poems but this one caught my eye(very rare!)
     
    Thank you, thank you.
    I tried to make it as flowing and rhytmic as I could, but since I'm not native to this language, my vocabulary isn't the largest and thus I had problems in some places, when I just could not come up with a fitting word :laugh: But I think I managed to make a pretty decent poem.

    The only problems I could really see were grammatical in nature, and most had to do with comma usage. I believe that general writing comma rules still apply in poems, but I cannot be entirely sure as I have not taken a serious interest in writing poetry. I would advise asking someone with a much better idea of poetry this question, and do a final proofread of this poem.
    Click to expand...
    The chances are 100:1 that they're just genuine mistakes ^-^' The usage of comma in English is a bit different from Finnish, so I mess up the commas very often. I'll fix them as soon as someone tells me which ones are wrong.

    Good job I usually never liked poems but this one caught my eye(very rare!)
    Click to expand...
    Thanks! Maybe it was because this one tells a story? Thanks a lot anyway ^-^
     
    lulz, I liked it. Wish we could study poems like this in Lit. Instead of a cheesy, lame love poem :/
     
    Hmm, I appreciate your praise and so on, but you kind of bumped this thread and that's kind of against the rules. And as Astinus has stated in the rules, no-one's a special snowflake. As I am not going to post anything to this thread ever again, I presume it's going to be locked.

    Oh, well, no serious harm done. No-one would have posted any comments here anyway, because it was already against the rules.

    Thanks for liking my poem, though. I seriously appreciate it that you people took the effort of commenting. Thanks!
     
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