The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

[Illuminaughty]

Thanks for the welcome everyone. I haven't had a BK crown since I was 8!

And yeah, I am a cynical person. The fact that I have analyzed the logic of thousands of arguments in the LSAT practice books doesn't help either! :p

Btw, I don't think I stated my sexuality, but...
I am a homosexual, commonly referred to as gay or some type of skittle or fruit reference.

Here are some random facts:

Spoiler:

I have been out for almost 2 years.
I haven't dated in...like a year.
I am sort of a prude; I don't have sex unless I am in a relationship.
I have not been in a relationship in almost a year.
Put the two together and you may figure out that... it has been a long dry spell! :(
I don't believe in open relationships or polyamory.
I don't believe in daddy/son relationships; I know a lot of people who are in this type of relationship, and it is a like assigning gender roles, the older is more masculine dominant, the younger is more feminine and submissive. It's alright if other people do this of course, but I would rather be at eye-level with someone.
For that reason, I would like to date someone with ambition, intelligence, sarcasm, fitness, and sensitivity, so I strive to live up to each of these aspects in order to keep at eye-level.
There are not alot of guys around where I live, so rather than dating down from my standards with someone I have no chance of a future with, I would rather wait for a more genuine connection rather than picking someone who is the least incompatible among slim pickings.
As you can see, the majority of the content I randomly spit out on this post relates to relationships. I associate my sexuality with relationships/sex, but I do not think of it as being a lifestyle.

Lastly, I don't like when guys wear thick black glasses oversized hipster eyeglasses; they detract from a guy's atrractiveness:

Zachary Quinto was a victim of this:

Before (sexy)

Spoiler:

After (Steve Urkel)

Spoiler:

 

[Shining Raichu]

I totally agree on Zachary Quinto, and the hipster glasses phenomenon in general haha - though I think in Zach's case it also has something to do with his hair :P

What do you mean when you say you 'don't believe' in open relationships or polyamory? Do you mean it's not something that you would consider personally, or that people in these arrangements are not being genuine? I'm just curious, because we haven't really discussed polyamory that much here - it's probably one of the only things we haven't done yet :P

I just want to look attractive to where I can look at my natural body and be like "I'm proud to have it". Right now I weigh around 270lbs, and I hate it. Its not as bad as I'm on the taller side, but I would like to shrink down.

You can do it! I was 240lb at my heaviest and I spent my entire junior year dieting like a madman and now I'm sitting at 180. It might seem like a daunting task, but really once you get past the first two weeks and start to adjust, the sailing gets a lot smoother. Let me know if you need help! :D

 

[CarefulWetPaint]

Zach really ruined his look and became another sheep following the herd. He looks silly in that second photo, his look completely forced.

I think you should be happy with who you are and embrace it! Remember if you have a problem feel free to talk to us here, we are all willing to help you all out however we can, joining this club makes you part of our family and we look out for our family members so you'll always have us no matter what!

Illum I don't see any problems with those facts you share and it actually makes me happy to see someone has morals or whatever you want to call them that they try to live by which I think is fantastic. Im sure you're going to find the perfect person for you in no time, just keep your head up and keep smiling. xD

Schwar helping you is probably more up my alley so if you want some help getting fitter etc feel free to VM me and I'll see what I can do for you :).

 

[Illuminaughty]

@shinyraichu

I guess both! haha
well, I do think that the people in the relationship think the polyamorous relationships are genuine, but it creates a multidimensional power struggle. There is a dominant person, whether we are talking a same-sex or bi-gender situation. In most cases there are three people. The two other people in the relationship that are less dominant either do not date each other, or they simultaneously share the dominant person. What this reminds me of is a situation like the Bachelor, Bachelorette, Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, ect. It's a constant competition, in which there are multiple people vying for the affection of the same person, in which case impedes upon the intimacy of any of the relationships. A three-way relationship cannot be lump-summed; it's a relationship between person 1 and 2, person 1 and 3, and person 2 and 3. It is a lot to invest yourself into one person, let along two at a close intimate level. What happens if you are 1, and 2 and 3 start to resent each other. The stability of their relationships depend on the stability of someone elses relationship. The success rate of these types of arrangements is abysmal, there is just too much jealousy, power struggles, impediment of intimate relationships, and etc than that of a healthy monogamous relationship.

Open relationships are pretty much the same, except that the individuals do not get to live with their competition. What is the point of making a commitment if you are going to be open?

I know for myself one of these arrangements would never work. For others, it is possible, but not likely to work in the long-run, and most likely does not have as much potential to develop as close as a bond as a monogamous relationship's potential. I am not saying that all monogamous relationship are healthy, but what I am saying is that the vast majority of polyamorous relationships are not healthy.

Oh, and the sister-wives-polygamy-thing is even worse. It is a clear division of power, and the father of each wife's children would have to split his time among more children and wives, leaving a very distant and detached relationship among several families rather than a strong relationship among one family.

What do you guys think of polygamy and open-relationships?

@ CarefulPaint, Thanks! I don't know, something just puts me off about the word "morals"; I don't know why ;p

I guess I know that it's best for me to be more conservative (crap, I hate the connotations for that word too!).

My decisions have a lot to do with my true desires. A lot of people express mixed emotions; they want a fling, but they also want a relationship, and they often are not able to achieve their desires, since they are clashing. If I want to have a substantial relationship, why would I have random flings or enter into a dynamic of a relationship that I don't think is best? I admit, I think that I am more attracted to a 30 year-old guy than a 20 year-old guy, but if I date someone around my age, I know that if things work-out, then he will age to 30 (assuming that he lives to 30 :p) Also, it's the idea that I like, of being in a mature monogamous relationship; it's where I want to end up, but I am not 30, and I don't think that I would truly be compatible with someone more than 10 years my senior. Also, as I said before, it becomes a weird dynamic when a partner is also a father-figure, in the way that he might be more dominant, set most of the boundaries, be the guardian, basically have the ability to ground me; I don't want to date someone who is an authority figure -at all!!! ...unless he is dressed up like a cop or firefighter ;)

 

[SchwarzRozen]

I'm going to respond to Illuminaughty with my personal beliefs and where I draw the line. I'm going to put it under spoilers as it might get too long and it does have some themes thrown into it.

Spoiler:

I'm just going to first off say that I'm a lot more open than you are.

With Polygamy, I actually don't see this as much of a problem. I see your point about a power-struggle, but people can live with out that, it'd be hard, but it could happen. I don't mind if someone gets married to two people or what not. Most of the time this is religious, but there are rare cases where three or more people get together and love one another. I say if you can make it work out, have at it. I actually have never been in a poly relationship, so I can't say I dislike it or love it, as I would rather experience it and see what it'd be like, and how much of a power struggle there actually is.

With Open Relationships, I feel that the boundary for some people will always vary. My boundary is a rather simple one, and all I ask is that I'm able to watch hentai, carry on with my writing, and do my romance RPs, because those are still fun to do at the end of the day, and its all fantasy. I'm also someone who isn't the jealous type, so lets say that I have a Girlfriend or a Boyfriend who gets into a mix up with someone over night, or experiments with something. I actually wouldn't mind that much, as long as it was a one time thing. One experience in one of my relationships was a game of Truth or Dare which turned into a make-out party, and we both took part in it, and it was fun for the both of us.

The last thing I want to hit on is things that don't have as much romantic value to them, and they are just kind of their for sexual being such as one night stands or experimenting. I actually have no problem with this level of openness. If I know someone, and things a cool, and something comes up, I'm willing to try something out. I've never came to the encounter where things came up to me, and thats alright.

Maybe I'm too open with myself, but I don't really mind this fact about me. I'm someone who believes sex and love shouldn't be babied down and become this big taboo.

 

[Esper]

I don't see what's wrong with glasses like those. To each his own, I suppose.

Polygamy seems to me to be really hard to maintain. I've only ever known one person personally who's been in an open relationship. He and two other guys were all dating, but the other two were a bit older and were already together before my friend joined in. My friend quit this after maybe 4 or 5 months since he didn't feel he was an equal partner. So I'd be surprised to hear of a healthy, equal relationship of 3 people (or more).

 

[Kura]

I am sort of a prude; I don't have sex unless I am in a relationship.

I don't think that makes you a prude at all. You are completely entitled to who you'd like to share yourself with and shouldn't feel like you're being judged by anyone.

 

[Alice]

I am sort of a prude; I don't have sex unless I am in a relationship.

I sure don't consider myself a prude, but I'd like to wait until marriage to have sex personally... or if it's a same sex relationship, we'd have to be together a looong time before I'd be willing to go that far, mostly because marriage isn't legal where I live. I have no problem with nudity or porn though, which is what I thought being prudish referred to.

 

[Ariel Winter]

I'd like to join. I don't know what I am but i do know I don't disregard dating someone due to just gender.

 

[Illuminaughty]

Haha, I guess prude isn't the right word. Maybe, I am a "romantic"? But yeah, Kura, I have had a few people give me the "advice" to just have sex with someone - no strings attached. (Not including all of the flattering solicitations XD).

Quilava, woah, you outclass me by far! It would be difficult for me to hold out until marriage if I really loved someone, but if I had to, I would think I would be able to. I do think however, for me especially, I should have a # of dates, or a time rule. For example, I should wait until 6 dates or one month. People often mistake sexuality as the only basis for a connection. I definitely become emotionally attached once I do the deed, so I don't want to confuse that partial connection as a complete connection. So if your intent is a true long-term relationship, I think it is worth having at least a brief time of restraint. So I can see why you would want to wait! Also, the constitutionality of DOMA is one appeal away from evaluation by the US Supreme Court. If DOMA is struck down, you can get married in Massachusetts, for example, and it must be recognized by all other states. I have an optimistic feeling that 2013 will be the year! So I don't think you will have to worry too much about getting married if you end up wanting to in the next 3-5 years :)

Scarf, I don't want to sound like people should not be able to wear them, it's just a personal preference and a bit of fashion advice. Oversized glasses often extend down to the top of the nostil, which gives the distortion of a shorter nose bridge. Also, they distort the shape of the cheekbones. But rather than being a devon-downer (which is apparently the masculine version of debbie-downer according to my friend) I will give some tips rather than crits. More rectangular glasses corelate with facial bone structure, and may even enhance it, without distorting the length of the bridge of the nose nearly as much as hipster glasses.

Here is an example, or maybe this guy is just really attractive :p

Spoiler:

Hey Ariel! Welcome to the club :)

 

[Alice]

Thin, metal frames are also preferable to those big plastic ones imo. lol

 

[Impo]

asdfghjkl why don't I post here anymore?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can beat everyone's dry spells - sixteen years!
Bam!

Relationships = 0 (Well, 2, but they don't really count)
Kisses = 1 (Doesn't really count either, but I thought it was piss funny)
Overall Romantic Position = Completely Non-existent

 

[Illuminaughty]

asdfghjkl why don't I post here anymore?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can beat everyone's dry spells - sixteen years!
Bam!

Relationships = 0 (Well, 2, but they don't really count)
Kisses = 1 (Doesn't really count either, but I thought it was piss funny)
Overall Romantic Position = Completely Non-existent

What happened???!! :p

So does that mean you are 16 and a virgin?
Or have you had sex 16 years ago, but not really expressed any romantic feelings?

Why don't the 2 relationships count?

Why do you inspire my dire desire to be a prier?

 

[SchwarzRozen]

Hmm, I've kissed quite a few people, more of the same gender than the oppisite. It was all in fun though, as was just truth or dare.

Oh yeah, did you see my response by any chance ^,^

 

[Alice]

I'm 20 and I've never been in a relationship of any kind, or kissed anyone. I've been asked out a few times though.

 

[Impo]

What happened???!! :p

So does that mean you are 16 and a virgin?
Or have you had sex 16 years ago, but not really expressed any romantic feelings?

16 and a virgin. I couldn't image someone having sex than maintaining abstinence for so long

Why don't the 2 relationships count?

None were with men, and one was a beard. I guess the first kinda counts but the second was a hoax because I'm the bestest best friend in the world.

Why do you inspire my dire desire to be a prier?

I evoke that quality from everyone ;D

 

[Illuminaughty]

16 and a virgin. I couldn't image someone having sex than maintaining abstinence for so long



None were with men, and one was a beard. I guess the first kinda counts but the second was a hoax because I'm the bestest best friend in the world.



I evoke that quality from everyone ;D

Oh, that isn't bad!

I didn't have any real relationship until I was in college. I also just dated girls in highschool, but they thought I wasn't attracted because I would not go further than a kiss; one of them ended-up being one of my best friends though. Ahhh, don't get me started on "beards"! lmao. I really thought that you were into your 30's or something; that's why I was kinda shocked. Okay, so you can't really count that as being a 16-year dry spell lol. The average age on the always omniscient Wikipedia for losing virginity is 17-18 for males, so you shouldn't feel that much pressure to rush into anything (it would be another thing if you were 40!). Here's a good piece of advice: "don't waste it!" I don't say this in a weird-evangelical-preachy way; I am saying it in a you-will-regret-it-if-you-do kind of way, lol. But I mean, if things don't workout with whoever that is (which they likely won't), it is not a big deal at all, it's just that I know quite a few guys who kinda let themselves be taken advantage of due to their young age, and the naivete that is associated.

Quilava, I don't think it's a bad thing at all that you haven't "done" anything yet. (I feel like I have to be all cryptic about anything sexual-related on this forum :/)
I do think it would be a good idea if you tried to open yourself up to the idea of the exciting, scary, judgmental, romantic, awkward, and basically any other adjective, world of dating.
Were you attracted to anyone who asked you out? Have you been on a date?
You could even consider just a low-pressure platonic "hang-out" with someone you are at least attracted to so it doesn't have that high-pressure element that "dates" have.

Look at me, dishing out all this unwarranted and shyster-like advice. I will never become the successor of the wise Sue Johanson :(

 

[Alice]

Eh, it's mostly because I don't actually have any friends irl anymore, since I moved to a new town, and don't have any way to meet people without a job/school... and it's a tiny town, so there aren't any events to go to or anything. I'm moving to Seattle for college this summer though, so hopefully things change.

I'm not really too keen on the idea of dating in general though. If I were in a relationship, I wouldn't want the relationship to be about us having a relationship, I would want it to be about us having fun and enjoying each other's company... which is basically just a friendship anyway. (Dunno if that actually made sense, lol. Hopefully you get what I mean.)

 

[Impo]

Oh, that isn't bad!

I didn't have any real relationship until I was in college. I also just dated girls in highschool, but they thought I wasn't attracted because I would not go further than a kiss; one of them ended-up being one of my best friends though. Ahhh, don't get me started on "beards"! lmao. I really thought that you were into your 30's or something; that's why I was kinda shocked. Okay, so you can't really count that as being a 16-year dry spell lol. The average age on the always omniscient Wikipedia for losing virginity is 17-18 for males, so you shouldn't feel that much pressure to rush into anything (it would be another thing if you were 40!). Here's a good piece of advice: "don't waste it!" I don't say this in a weird-evangelical-preachy way; I am saying it in a you-will-regret-it-if-you-do kind of way, lol. But I mean, if things don't workout with whoever that is (which they likely won't), it is not a big deal at all, it's just that I know quite a few guys who kinda let themselves be taken advantage of due to their young age, and the naivete that is associated.

Well, some people think I'm in Uni, so I guess you're not the first

And I don't feel pressured to do anything. On the contrary, one of my best friends (she's gay) felt like she had to have it done quick and she used the weirdest terminology to say she had sex:

"I punched my V-Card."
"...Does that mean you've validated your parking?"​

Needless to say, I haven't had any encounters that were anything but platonic for years, now. Except one time at this sleepover my ex (the real one, but she knows I'm gay and she's my other bestie) asked me to spoon her at like seven in the morning. Just imagine it:

Before going to sleep
"Can we spoon?"
"I only fork."

7 AM
*Crickets*
"Adrian! Spoon me!"
"No."​

Well... it was funny when it happened

 

[Shining Raichu]

Welcome Ariel Winter! :D

I've never really understood this whole "don't waste your virginity" mentality. I'm not suggesting you just go and sleep with the first gay man you see, but this whole idea that virginity is something precious (particularly for males) or that the first time has to be special and magical is a little naive for my taste.

Again, I'm not advising anybody to go out and have their card punched (lol I like that one) before they feel ready in themselves, but honestly the first time is not going to be special. It's not going to be magical. It's going to be awkward, and it's going to be over quickly. That's just the way it is, kids.

A lot of people speak years later about wishing they'd done their first time differently, as though it's some horrible regret that it wasn't better. They wish they hadn't rushed into it so much, they wish they'd had a better connection with the person or gotten to know them more first, etc etc. But that's really not a realistic way to think. If you want to wait til you're in a committed relationship or married or whatever, then that's your choice, but I think you're going to be disappointed when it doesn't turn out quite the way you'd dreamed it would, after all that waiting.

That's the say Sue sees it!