these haikous are about my favourite pokemon. i know they're rubbish, and trust me i'm not trying to be modest because they really are, but i just wanna give it a go, to say that i have.
Your introduction is full of uncapitalised I's (and other words at starts of sentences), awkward syntax, and I think you spelled haiku wrong. Not a good first impression at all.
Not a major deal, but I
can count. I daresay much of PC can as well.
Typhlosion is cool,
his fires burn wild in the wind,
that runs through Johto
OK, not bad. However, there shouldn't be a comma after "wind", because the last two lines are a single clause. Otherwise, alright, I think.
...
Spritomb, a ghost
that resides in a keystone
weakness, he has not
Now this one. I'm not actually sure of the rules of punctuation in haiku, but the first two lines sound like a single sentence; ergo, it should have a full stop. The third line sounds like Yoda, and reads kind of awkwardly. How about "He has no weakness"?
8D You stopped counting!
Empoleon is,
first and foremost, a strong dual,
water and steel type
Ahh! My head hurts. With that comma after dual, it sounds as if "dual" is a noun, and Empoleon is a strong one. I strongly suggest removing that comma. I know people have different opinions on this, but Pokemon types are usually capitalised.
Steelix
Steelix,the steel snake,
from onix, forth it comes,
crushing set of jaws
I'm just nitpicking here, but I see steel as having two syllables. Stee-el. But I guess that's up to you. There should be a space after every piece of punctuation, i.e. the first line. I belong to the school of thought that capitalises all Pokemon names, including Onix, but you might not. With everything all over the place like this, I'm not sure
what school of thought you belong to.
Roserade
Roserade, the rose.
with beauty and a swagger;
to top all swaggers
That colon is uber-superfluous. "...a swagger to top all swaggers" makes perfect sense. Also, does "swagger" refer to the Pokemon move? If so, capitalise it.
Palkia
super space legend;
Palkia, it's pink body strong;
spacial rend, trademark
Ow. Capital "S" for Super, please. You're starting a new sentence, so please capitalise. Spacial Rend deserves two of them, also.
With "it's", I think you mean "its". You are speaking of possession, yes, but "it" is the only noun that doesn't take an apostrophe. "It's" is simply a contraction of "it is" or "it has", which is unfortunately a common misconception.
Overall, it's shocking, grammar-wise. I say this too often, but this looks as if it was typed up in the reply box. Type it up in Word first, and if you do, why the heck are you ignoring the squiggly green lines? Spellcheck isn't infallible, however, and it's often up to you to find errors. Read them through thoroughly before you even think about posting.
I'm not flaming; I just don't believe in sugarcoating my reviews. You've got a good basis. I may even do some like this myself. Kenji
lurves writing haiku!
