Things you don't say to a cop

[Barney.]

You: Wow that's a big zit
Cop: Yeah
You: I bet the people at the force call you pimplehead?
Cop: No
You: Pizza face?
Cop: No
You: Blemishy?
Cop: No
You: ZitGit?
Cop: No
You: ....Lardass?

 

[Aizuke]

Are you one of the village people?

 

[storm393]

my car did it, im innocent! :)

 

[Aizuke]

This car isn't actually mine... I found it? :x

 

[storm393]

the only reason your mad is because your late for your doughnut stop.

 

[Aizuke]

Officer, I'm in a bit of a rush. Blood's leaking from the boot of my car.

 

[Aizuke]

I always loved a man in uniform. ;3

 

[Aizuke]

Is your baton measured by the length of... you know.

 

[Her]

Do you have pink fluffy handcuffs?

 

[Banjora Marxvile]

I'm not doing anything suspicious. I'm just... umm... driving to... work! not doing anything suspicious with the murder of the guy at the end of the street! Who told you that? When I get them, I'll...

 

[Mitchman]

Officer good day. As you can see i am driving in a stolen car with 3 hookers 5 kilos of dope and one body. Wanna join us?

 

[Her]

What you gonna do with all that junk, all that stuff in my trunk?

 

[Banjora Marxvile]

Wow! Chrome dome! What you gonna do, lock me up?

 

[Aizuke]

Oh great timing, I've been looking for a stripper for my hen's night. :3

 

[Barney.]

I heard your missus is up the spout...

Let me know who dunnit and I'll sort 'im out.

 

[Aizuke]

If you revoke this fine, I'll give you my wife.

 

[Banjora Marxvile]

The trees told me to! They spoke to me! As did the flowers, the bench...

 

[Mitchman]

Hey tell your buddies to get off my tail i am trying to escape here!

 

[storm393]

person:i am on a very tight schedule, *raise in voice* and i am not in the mood for this. dont you have someone else to yell at. like that old lady over there.
officer: THATS MY MOM!

 

[Banjora Marxvile]

Hey, did you want to see the illegal pigeon fighting too?