Useless Powurz

I give you the power to throw cards at a game of solitaire.
 
I give you the power to adopt your mind.
 
I give you the power to go eat a baby with Akari.
 
I give you the power to obsess over your obsessions.
 
I give you the power to change the life of an orphan.
 
I give you the power to sound like a convincing doorbell o.o
 
I give you the ability to replace innocent creatures' tails with random objects, using common materials such as sticky tape and staplers o.o
 
I give you the power to greet people "Happy Birthday" when it's not their birthday.
 
I give you the power to be a transparent screen.
 
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