Vaporeon Dreams... (fixed)

Psychotic_Demon

The Espeon of the Moon
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    okay, on the original 'vaporeon dreams' was by me and capalex65. but he doesnt get on much anymore thanks to school, so i`ll be redoing it. this time the chap.s will be longer, for all you people who like to read. all who dont, bear with me.

    Vaporeon Dreams...​


    prologue​

    I will always be there for you...You are the most important thing in the world to me... A star, always shining....
    So dont ever leave me.....    ​

    Chapter 1: Moonlit Ocean...​

    Why am I treated this way...? What did I do to deserve this...? A lone vaporeon lay on Slateport Beach, the soft waves lapping at her feet. Why am I an outcast...? She wondered. But she knew the answer. She was silver...

    "Aurora!!!" A voice in the night called. The vaporeon snapped out of her thoughts. It was a young girl she had been taking care of for a few years now. She didnt have a home, nor a family. Because she was homeless, people rejected her too.


    "There you are!" A nine year old voice said happily. The girl had blue eyes, as blue as the oceans waves. Her hair was brown and strait. The pink dress she wore was faded, and two sizes to big.

    "Vaaaa..." (i wondered where you went...) The vaporeon cooed, her silver fur shimmering in the moonlight. The silver color she was is why the other vaporeons didnt like her.

    "You dissappeared on me, Aurora! You silly girl!" The child said happily, laying down on the cool sand beside Aurora.

    "Poooree. Vapoo." (good night, kiki.) Aurora rested her head on her paws, while Kiki snuggled up beside her. Looking over the water Aurora could see a reflection of the moon. Something about the moon always calmed Aurora, and slowly, she drifted into a light sulmber...


    well, i guess its a little different... okay, a lot. but its better! anyways, i hope you like it. more coming soon!
     
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    Erm... it's very short. That's the first thing I'll mention. All it was was a Vaporeon going to sleep with a human. Real stirring stuff for a first chapter. A Pokemon and a human going to sleep on the beach. You could have at least said what they did when they woke up. That might have been somewhat interesting... *yawns*

    As for other errors, it was kinda plotless, but I covered that in the first bit, and description could have used a bit more work. I can't really say much about this, since I haven't got a clue where on earth it's going. Sorry I couldn't be more help... but I have no idea what the story's going to be like... so :/

    "A Vote for Justice is a Vote for MCD"
     
    Despite it being WAY too short, I think it is promising. I thought the description of the moon and the nightime was quite good. But, like Mr Cat dog, I have no idea where the story is going.

    But like I siad..very promising.
     
    well... yea... it was short but i cant help that! (acctually, i can^^) but the plot will unfold itself as the story goes on.


    ch. 2: midnight battle​

    Something moved beside Aurora. She looked over and remembered it was only Kiki. A smile spread arcoss the sleeping child`s face. Aurora wondered what she was dreaming about. Looking at the water, Aurora could tell it was close to midnight...

    Suddently, from out of nowhere, something headed torwards Aurora. It was a red and white ball. She rolled her eyes. Yeah right... Like that guy is gonna catch me. But the ball didnt even open up when it got three feet away. It was going after another target.

    Aurora looked over her shoulder. Something was standing in the water. The ball zoomed torwards it, gaining more and more speed. But the pokemon standing in the water jumped, and used a water gun.

    strange... thought Aurora. only a vporeon can use a water gun like that... but it cant... i would have known if...

    Something towered over Aurora... something big... She looked up to see a magnetric and a seviper. Aurora picked Kiki up and placed her in a safer spot, out of harms way. I cant believe she`s STILL sleeping. Aurora thought, running into the water.

    She wouldnt help, just watch. This wasnt her battle, and she didnt care about it. The only person she did care about was Kiki.... But stragely, Aurora did care about what happened to the other vaporeon. And two against one wasnt fair... She could even the battle out...

    no. I wont help. She thought angerly. I`ve never cared for anyone except Kiki, and thats not about to change.... But try as she might, Aurora could stop feeling giulty.

    "THATS IT!!!" She yelled, jumping out of the water and landing infront of the 'shadow' vaporeon.

    "What are you doing?" He said, shooting another water gun. "You could get hurt!"

    Without even looking at him Aurora answered. "I dont care. Two against one isnt fair."

    The trainer that attacked with two looked like he was in heaven. "AWESOME!!!" he shouted, not remembering about sleeping people. "TWO VAPOREON!!! this is so cool! a midnight battle!" He pulled out two pokeballs. "I know!" he added. "I`ll give the silver one to my girlfriend!"

    Hearing this, Aurora got mad. Pokemon were not things to be traded, or used to make life easier for humans. They were wild, untamed animals, each having a special ability that was connected with nature. People who talked like that made Aurora sick.

    "Heh. I`ll take you down first." It was the magnetric.

    "HA!!!" Aurora retorted. "You couldnt take down a minun!" That was enough to at least make him mad.

    "WHY YOU LITTLE...." He charged at her. But Aurora was ready. She could see the sadow vaporeon already fighting. His attacks were merciless, like Aurora`s.

    Magnetric shot a zap cannon at her. She managed to dodge it, but just barely. The magnetric took the opertunity to use thunderbolt. That hurt. Bad.

    Aurora used water gun, hitting the magnetric sqaure in the face. He howled in pain. Aurora jumped, landing beside magnetric. She snapped at his feet, while he used zap canon, hitting her about every other shot.

    Aurora backed away, panting. She was trying to make it look like she was about to give up. He took it.

    Magnetric Charged again, this time with quick attack. Aurora smiled. She jumped into the air and used icebeam. The ice attack hit magnetric on the back, driving him into the ground. He didnt move. She had won. Landing, Aurora could tell the other vaporeon had beaten seviper and watched her battle.

    "Thanks!" He said cheerfully as Aurora passed. "I would have never won if you didnt show."

    "Dont count on it." Aurora replyed coldly. "Next time I wont be there to help." She looked back at the trainer, who was returning his pokemon to their portable prisions. Then she looked at the vaporeon she helped.

    His fur was an odd color too. It was completely black. Aurora skipped a step, almost tripping over her own four paws. "Are you okay?" he asked moving torwards her.

    Aurora frowned. "I`m fine."

    "Okay... And by the way, I`m Jet. Whats your name?" He asked. Aurora kept moving. She didnt say a word.

    Jet watched as the mystirious vaporeon disappeared into the night....

    okay. i wrote more than last time. lots more!!! better? i hope so!^^
     
    Well, it's definitely better than your first chapter. You had a battle that wasn't too short or anything like that. It definitely had plot, which made it at least 100% better than your first chapter. So... well done ^_^

    What I will comment on is your typos. There did seem to be quite a lot of them, and also your use of capital letters. When you italiced something, you often didn't start it with a capital letter, which is incorrect grammar, even if you are trying to create an effect of some kind.

    Well, this is definitely better. Just sort out your typos and grammatical errors using MS Word or something similar, and you should be fine. ^_^

    "A Vote for Justice is a Vote for MCD"
     
    yea. my 1st chapter was horrible. mainly cause i was writing at 3:00 in the morning... and as you can see, i dont normally use capital letters.... but, thanks for the advice!!!^^
     
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    thanks TDQ! i also have another fic if ya like this one!^^
     
    The perspective of the Vaporeon is interesting, although sometimes it was fuzzed up with the spelling errors. How it is unique, (the silver coloring) is an interesting way to make your character differed from the others. The bond between Kiki and Aurora was nicely put, despite the feeble distractions put in its way. Overall, it is a nice idea for a fic if it weren't for the typos and some lack of details in specific part.

    Nice job! I love seeing fics about pokemon. ^_^
     
    i know i spell bad. thats just me. and microsoft word wont work so i`m kinda in trouble. but thanks for the tips, and i`m glad you like it!^^
     
    i`ll try to do better...

    okay, i know i dont spell everything right (who does?) and i know that i dont capitalise all to well, but (like i said eralier) my microsoft word inst working!!!><

    so here it goes...

    ch.3: love at second site...​

    Aurora walked back over to the still sleeping Kiki, who seemed to have moved over a few feet. She lay down, facing the water. But Aurora couldnt sleep. This vaporeon, Jet, stayed in her mind. How his black fur shined in the moonlight... His bright green eyes... His cheerful disposition... eventually the soft waves lulled Aurora to sleep.

    ***4 hours later***​

    Aurora`s slowly opened her eyes, to be greeted by a new day. it was dawn. She could see the sun rising, forming an outline around the Abandond Ship, home for wild pokemon. The sky was many shades of pinks and light blues while the moon was just a silver of white in the sky, qiuckly disappearing.

    She sighed at the beautiful site, and started thinking about Jet...

    Why am I thinking about Jet....? Aurora wondered. He`s just another vaporeon, nothing more... but he is something more.... No. he`s not. I dont care about him, only Kiki!!! Lalala.... Jet is just another pokemon..... but.....

    Aurora got up and started pacing around firecly, trying to force all thoughts of Jet out. Kiki stirred and finally woke up.

    "Wow, Aurora! I had the weirdest dream last night!!!" She explained, the now fully risen sun making her squint. "I dreamt you were in a battle!!!"

    Aurora rolled her eyes. "porrrr." (too late.) She sighed. Kiki stood up and brushed herself off.

    "Lets go look for some food, okay Aurora?" She said, watching some early risers walk onto the beach. Aurora nodded. The two of them walked into town.

    ***30 minutes later***
    ~Slateport City~​

    Aurora hated the city. All the "Oooooh`s!!!" and "Ahhhhh`s" She got in a single day drove her off the edge of sanity.

    "Oh! Look, Aurora! A vaporeon baloon!" Kiki said excitedly. Today was obviously the Slateport City Festivel, Celebration of the Sea. This was a day when all sorts of trainers and people came to eat, dance, sing, play, and watch fireworks at the end of the day. This years featured pokemon was vaporeon. Everything that had to do with the celebration had a vaporeon on it. To Aurora, this was creepy. To make matters worse, they used her.

    Everywhere Aurora went people pointed and said, "Look! It`s the wild vaporeon that lives here!" and Kiki would have to say, "That "wid vaporeon" is my friend. So leave her alone!!!"

    When the two friends had enough to eat they retreated to a deserted alley, home to one zigzagoone. Aurora sat down, panting. She and Kiki had barely manage to escape a crowd of fans.

    Aurora stood down. "Vaporeo. ree reee!" (kiki, dont move. i promise i`ll be right back!) said Aurora. She jumped onto a cardboard box and in a silver flash, disappeared onto the roof.

    Kiki watched her leave. "Okay I`ll stay. I promise." She said qiuetly sitting down on the box.

    Aurora ran down the roof. She had to have SOME alone time. She jumped from one rooftop to the other, landing and running to the next. This was all madness... She had to get away....

    Paws touching the earth, Aurora ran. She had come to the edge of the city, and was now headed for the forest. perfect... Aurora thought tiredly. finally, a rest....

    She slowed down to a stop, laying down at the base of a tree. Something moved in the bushes. Aurora was too tired to notice. From out of nowhere a mightyena appeared, Followed by three more.

    "Look what we have here." He sneered to his underlings. "A silver vaporeon."

    Another male spoke up. "It`s a shame she silver. She`s very pretty." He grinned evily.

    "Now, we cant have a messed up freak running around in the forest, can we?" It was the leader again. "Lets put her out of her miser-" The mightyena never finished his sentence. A black shadow landed in front of Aurora and shot an icebeam at him.

    This time the other two spoke. "Your gonna pay for freezing Shadow!" They shouted together.

    "Heh. I`m gonna pay. Thats a good one." The voice seemed familar. Aurora gasped. It was Jet!

    Jet shot a water gun at the remaining three and faced her. "Come on! Run!" He urged her. Aurora Jumped to her feet and took off, Jet beside her. The three mightyena followed, shouting curses at them.

    Aurora looked over her shoulder, Shooting an icebeam. It hit the lead one, making him freeze in mid-jump. The other two ran faster. So did Aurora and Jet.

    Jet stopped and turned around. "GO!!!" He screamed at Aurora. "Get AWAY FROM THEM!"

    Aurora stopped and turned around. She winced seeing Jet get hit. "NO!!! I`M HELPING!!!" She charged at the mightyena that hit Jet. He went flying. Aurora was caught by surprise as the thrird mightyena bit her side. Aurora gritted her teeth, but didnt scream out.

    Jet bit the mightyena which let go of Aurora. She watched as Jet took the mightyena out. In a matter of minutes, the mightyena was a crumpled mess on the ground.

    "Thanks..." Aurora said qiuetly.

    Jet smiled. "Just tell me one thing."

    Aurora got a concrened look on her face. "What?"

    Jet`s smile widened. "Your name..."

    Aurora looked into Jet`s green eyes. "Aurora..."
     
    well, i love the chapters
    the first chapter was short, but u said u did it 3 in the morning
    but hey its very good!! i cant wait for more.
    and if u need help with spelling im here for u ^_^
     
    thankies, flame_chi. stupid puter! it wont load Micro. W.!!!

    *kicks computer* oww....
     
    This is great, the 1st chapter was short but very detailed. And don't worry about how badly u spell, I spell terrible too so don't worry, I have Microsoft Word that corrects me! ^_^

    Edit: This isn't Bhati, it's Sarafina, I'm her sister. We are having trouble logging out, and I forgot I was on under her name.
     
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    thanks, bahti! at least SOMEONE has something good to say.^^
     
    the story is Grrrrrrreeeaat.

    the first chapter made my cry. (wips tear from eye. make up is ruin) how they 2 are alone and no one cares for them.

    like i said it is great. need to cheak spelling like the others said. microsoft word doesn't help much because i use that to cheak my fan fics and people still say i need spelling help. i suggust we go to a 2nd grade class and learn how to spell

    thats me :)
     
    Sorry, agian, Bhati, my sister didn't log out so I posted. But anyways, its good.
     
    thanks!^^ i promise to poat as soon as i get an idea!^^
     
    Do have an idea yet? I've been waiting forever! *sits down* Waiting! Wait a sec! Have you stopped writing in this or something?!
     
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