- 10,769
- Posts
- 14
- Years
- California
- Seen Jun 30, 2018
First, I'm sorry for the sudden disappearance. It was uncool of me to leave for so long without explanation. If that left someone with a bad taste in their mouth then, again, I'm sorry. I've got my reasons though.
Last year both of my grandmothers died, one rather suddenly and the other who everyone was surprised to see still alive and kicking for as long as she had, both within the space of a month. It made me sad and made me think. I thought a lot about what I was doing with my life and the choices I was making and about what kind of person I was and what I wanted to be. One of my grandmothers was a chain smoker and that side of my family has had its fair share of problems with substance abuse. Seeing some of my relatives recently - some of them who had been on and off drugs or had fallen on hard times or had had a string of bad relationships - for the first time in a while and seeing how some of them had really cleaned up and brought their lives around, that made me want to do the same. I'm not someone who's done drugs, alcohol, or anything like that, but I've always had an addictive personality and in the last few months I tried to come to terms with that and I've tried to change how I do things, break some behaviors which, while not the worst things I could be doing, weren't helping me reach all the goals I've had for myself for a long time.
I decided rather suddenly one day I needed to drop a lot of things I was doing, one of which was visiting PC here almost every day for the last several years. It was one of my crutches, one of my addictions, and it was something I felt I had to kick. So I disappeared.
I can't say that I'm completely clean of all the issues I have, but I've made some really good strides and have done some really responsible adult stuff that I've put off forever because I was too focused elsewhere to bother. I got myself a car and all the associated costs and responsibilities that go with it and I'm actually managing to keep on top of that (but goddamn gas is expensive!) and even enjoy the extra freedoms from it. I'm spending (almost) every day writing and doing the kinds of creative activities that I enjoy when I can make the time for them. I'm seeing friends more often and even making some new friends and stepping outside my comfort zone more.
So, again, sorry for the disappearance. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to devote to PC going forward, but it's a nice place here and I'd like to think I could still spare a moment or two every now and then. I don't think I'll be as regular as I once was, but all good things must come to an end.
Last year both of my grandmothers died, one rather suddenly and the other who everyone was surprised to see still alive and kicking for as long as she had, both within the space of a month. It made me sad and made me think. I thought a lot about what I was doing with my life and the choices I was making and about what kind of person I was and what I wanted to be. One of my grandmothers was a chain smoker and that side of my family has had its fair share of problems with substance abuse. Seeing some of my relatives recently - some of them who had been on and off drugs or had fallen on hard times or had had a string of bad relationships - for the first time in a while and seeing how some of them had really cleaned up and brought their lives around, that made me want to do the same. I'm not someone who's done drugs, alcohol, or anything like that, but I've always had an addictive personality and in the last few months I tried to come to terms with that and I've tried to change how I do things, break some behaviors which, while not the worst things I could be doing, weren't helping me reach all the goals I've had for myself for a long time.
I decided rather suddenly one day I needed to drop a lot of things I was doing, one of which was visiting PC here almost every day for the last several years. It was one of my crutches, one of my addictions, and it was something I felt I had to kick. So I disappeared.
I can't say that I'm completely clean of all the issues I have, but I've made some really good strides and have done some really responsible adult stuff that I've put off forever because I was too focused elsewhere to bother. I got myself a car and all the associated costs and responsibilities that go with it and I'm actually managing to keep on top of that (but goddamn gas is expensive!) and even enjoy the extra freedoms from it. I'm spending (almost) every day writing and doing the kinds of creative activities that I enjoy when I can make the time for them. I'm seeing friends more often and even making some new friends and stepping outside my comfort zone more.
So, again, sorry for the disappearance. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to devote to PC going forward, but it's a nice place here and I'd like to think I could still spare a moment or two every now and then. I don't think I'll be as regular as I once was, but all good things must come to an end.