Well, you have captured my interest - take from that what you will. I think it's the entertainment factor I get from your playful angsty attitude hahaha
I had a similar thing but with my asthma. I had it as a kid, took medication and it went away for like 10 years. But then it returned. In this case, I undertook deadly training to repair my respiratory system.
In your situation however, such lethal methods shall not be deemed necessary. Do you have a rumble roller?
If not, I recommend getting one. The black / grey is the hardcore version which I have but if you think that is too extreme, get the blue. Then you can sit on it and gently rock forwards and backwards on it - the protrusions in the roller will dig into your muscles and it will hurt but it will also help you.
In the interim you can do the following exercise where you sit on your bottom with your knees bent in front of you and your feet are planted on the floor. Then you shuffle forward using your bottom muscles.
Let me know how you get on.