starlightartist

ok then, but just to make sure you do know what my style is right? i dont do banners like in peoples signatures here

So its like PC but smaller?

So just plain pokemon or like a certain type of pokemon related stuff?

well explain to me what its about, because if its something like naruto or something i know nothing about i wont be able to help xD

Can i see the site? i might be able to help you x]

Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm actually really busy lately, since I'm working on a number of projects. But maybe in a few days, I'll let you know when I have the time if I remember to. However, there are a number of shops in G&P that may take your request.

depends what it is

She doesn't do PC anymore really. I keep trying to get her back on but all she does is VDex, and even then not the forum bit.

See there not much worry. :)

EGI 3+-PEGI 12?
Forget that, be a rebel and get 16+ :p

Hm I saw your thread. (Wrong place btw)
So year 6, your 10. (I dont know the UK to well). So I presume shes older then you, haha.

And hmmm. I know how you feel. I guess if you really do like her, dont let go. Ok so shes going on. Is their any other way you guys can meet up and so on (there has to be, rite?) Thats pretty much the only thing you can do Hope & Try. :)

Hey~

yes. I;m like resurrected from the hell that is Minecraft. ;_;

Uhhh, hi ? xD

Kay, I've got your Samurott. Just let me know when you're able to trade.

When she gets back- i.e. next weekend I think.

I can trade and trade back your boldore to help evolve it (^^-) i had the same prob till a while ago lol!

Kay, I'll have it done sometime today. :D
Hey, is the Charmander nickname-able, or did you get it from someone else?

Well there's still the line spacing gap thing you could implement (so e.g.


As opposed to what you are doing throughout ie:



As for the further additions, there's more than just adding in events - for instance:
Sure this shows us more of what actually happens, but what does happen isn't that interesting nor tell us much about the characters or setting. For instance to make this more interesting, detail how she says things (is she patient and happy to tell Touko what a mart is even though arguably a person who is 10 or years older should know what a shop looks like, or maybe tired, or so forth?) and what things and places look like (is this shop big or small? Is there a lot of people shopping, or is it empty save for the shop keepers?). Make the stuff you add in interesting to read about - show rather than tell, as it's more interesting to read when one can visualise what things look like or how they are done. There's more on showing rather than telling in those guides linked to at the bottom of the rules if memory serves btw.

It's better already. =) I still feel a bit more could be added in however e.g. although you put in more about the professor showing her about, it still feels a bit rushed to me. More examples of additions to consider in say the quote I used below would be to consider how the rest of the crowd also reacted or how they walked off - essentially consider each event in your story and how everyone/thing would react to said event.

As for the correct way to go with formatting in regards to spacing, there's no need to make a new paragraph for every sentence spoken (ie with Ghetsis' speech in particular), and use a line gape spacing between each actual paragraph. So for instance:


would be better as:



Hope that helps.