I think it's okay, it's quite funny yet serious at the same time (dunno how that was possible).
But in the first chapter you wrote that Maria paid 600 P for a Potion which is actually worth 300 P in every main series game.
Apart from that I think the Fic is having quite a good start.
Just remember this: Don't write what you think others would like to read, write what YOU would like to read.
Hope that helps :)