how and when to BREAK THE BOND BETWEEN US,,

maccrash said:

honestly, at this point I'm only talking to my main friend group at my high school out of some weird social necessity to have some group to "call my own." I don't like the majority of the people in it. of course, there are some people that I also really, really like as well but they're few and far between. basically I'm just waiting out high school -- I'll tolerate them until then.

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Holy crap dude I feel like I'm in the exact same position right now. I had been good friends with the people in my group ever since my first year in high school but nowadays I feel like I'm just hanging out with half of them just because of that weird necessity you talked about. I'll probably only keep in touch with maybe four of them in a year's time, when I'm well into uni, because they're really the only people that I can truly say I'm good friends with.

People change over the years but unfortunately high school doesn't. :/

If you don't like someone anymore, grow some balls and tell them to leave you the fuck alone instead of being a passive aggressive bitch about it. ;)

I sabotaged most if not all of my friendships due to my own insecurities and neurosis. I cut contact completely once I realized how much I was embarrassing myself and burdening them. Same thing happened with a group of online friends a few years ago. I can be pretty toxic to be around but I'm doing better these days.

If you are friend or family and we reach a conflict that cannot be resolved - I will cut you out.

I will try and fight as much as I can to keep those people in my life. I will argue and bellow my voice so that my thoughts and feelings are heard.

If that which I put forward goes ignored time and time again, if they will not listen to reason and evidence... if they act in ways which are harmful to me or others without remorse and without effort to change. Then I'm sorry, but you cannot be in my life. You cannot hurt me and I cannot risk letting you hurt those I love who earn my deepest compassion.

I will tell you what you've done wrong, my efforts to fix them, and the pain of that being ignored. And then - I will fade from your life. No matter how badly I may wish it weren't so.

Oh it's easy, been there and done that; hear it from the ice queen. Just make subtle digs at them but not towards them (like when they are within hearing range and you're just conversing with your friends or whoever). Feel free to make subtweets or suggestive posts in social media, and if they respond, completely ignore them (or block them if you'd like but I suggest not to so that you can continue to rub them in the wrong way). When you see them, don't make eye contact and just act like they don't exist. Even if you chanced on meeting with their eyes, give them a blank expression like you don't recognize them or you're looking for someone else (tip: focus on something in the background behind them).

I love being such a passive aggressive bitch xD

Weiss Schnee said:

I love being such a passive aggressive bitch xD

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It seems like you made it into some kind of science. I can definitely see people, who are somewhat insecure, running into your trap quite easily, but for people who are more on the aggressive site...let's just say, you don't wanna mess with them anyway.

In any case, it sounds like it would definitely be worth investigating.

R.F. said:

It seems like you made it into some kind of science. I can definitely see people, who are somewhat insecure, running into your trap quite easily, but for people who are more on the aggressive site...let's just say, you don't wanna mess with them anyway.

In any case, it sounds like it would definitely be worth investigating.

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Yeah, when it comes down to the worst, probably inviting in the authorities or getting a restraining order would be a better decision.

Weiss Schnee said:

Yeah, when it comes down to the worst, probably inviting in the authorities or getting a restraining order would be a better decision.

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Which can definitely become a problem when there's something you don't want to come to the surface. You know, things like blackmailing. How to deal with such a situation?

R.F. said:

Which can definitely become a problem when there's something you don't want to come to the surface. You know, things like blackmailing. How to deal with such a situation?

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If they have something to blackmail you with, it suggests that they're already quite close to you. I can only see that approaching them directly and telling them that you want sever ties in a manner that would not blow things up.

This is why people should carefully select their friends and be close to a small selected few. And don't do best friends. Only close friends.

Weiss Schnee said:

If they have something to blackmail you with, it suggests that they're already quite close to you. I can only see that approaching them directly and telling them that you want sever ties in a manner that would not blow things up.

This is why people should carefully select their friends and be close to a small selected few. And don't do best friends. Only close friends.

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So in the end we are back to the "tell them directly"-situation. But tbh., that makes a passive aggressive approach in other cases even more pointless, imo, because why care about them by ignoring them when they aren't even close enough to you.

R.F. said:

So in the end we are back to the "tell them directly"-situation. But tbh., that makes a passive aggressive approach in other cases even more pointless, imo, because why care about them by ignoring them when they aren't even close enough to you.

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The passive aggressive approach works for people who aren't close to you. The conditions you gave which were blackmail suggests that they are close to you to an extent; in that case, you don't even bother being passive aggressive. I think you assumed that I meant to suggest being passive aggressive first then direct and honest later. Of course that won't work; it's either do one or the other.

Weiss Schnee said:

The passive aggressive approach works for people who aren't close to you. The conditions you gave which were blackmail suggests that they are close to you to an extent; in that case, you don't even bother being passive aggressive. I think you assumed that I meant to suggest being passive aggressive first then direct and honest later. Of course that won't work; it's either do one or the other.

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So what you want to tell me, is that depending on whom you face, your approach, to letting them know that you don't want to be bothered by them, is completely different. The closer a relationship walks towards "close" the more direct you'd react, while getting farther away from that point also means an increase in passive aggressiveness. Is this correct?

R.F. said:

So what you want to tell me, is that depending on whom you face, your approach, to letting them know that you don't want to be bothered by them, is completely different. The closer a relationship walks towards "close" the more direct you'd react, while getting farther away from that point also means an increase in passive aggressiveness. Is this correct?

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Yes. That's right. One method doesn't work for every type of person you meet. I've never seen anything good come out of passive-aggressive interactions between considerably close friends.

Weiss Schnee said:

Yes. That's right. One method doesn't work for every type of person you meet. I've never seen anything good come out of passive-aggressive interactions between considerably close friends.

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In that case: where do you draw the line? There are definitely a lot of factors that need to be considered, before choosing the right approach. Sometimes you might even take the wrong method, which create an unintended outcome.

R.F. said:

In that case: where do you draw the line? There are definitely a lot of factors that need to be considered, before choosing the right approach. Sometimes you might even take the wrong method, which create an unintended outcome.

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It's tough to draw the line because it's all subjective and dependent on factors that are difficult o qualify or quantify. IMO the passive-aggressive approach should be used towards people whom you think will eventually get the hint that you just don't want to be bothered. But it's all based on what you think, sometimes they might be people who don't pick up clues...

Weiss Schnee said:

It's tough to draw the line because it's all subjective and dependent on factors that are difficult o qualify or quantify. IMO the passive-aggressive approach should be used towards people whom you think will eventually get the hint that you just don't want to be bothered. But it's all based on what you think, sometimes they might be people who don't pick up clues...

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So it's a scale that evolves over time. The more experience you get in using those methodes, the more you realize which method is better in certain situations. The only real problem I can see in such an approach is getting enough information to decide what to use, in the first place. I don't think anybody would want to break up lots and lots of friendships just to get to the point where he is able to feel "comfortable" to use certain methods.

It's sad when you have to realize that science alone isn't helping too much when it comes to friendship...

R.F. said:

So it's a scale that evolves over time. The more experience you get in using those methodes, the more you realize which method is better in certain situations. The only real problem I can see in such an approach is getting enough information to decide what to use, in the first place. I don't think anybody would want to break up lots and lots of friendships just to get to the point where he is able to feel "comfortable" to use certain methods.

It's sad when you have to realize that science alone isn't helping too much when it comes to friendship...

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Indeed, and even experience may fail you. Humans are unpredictable. The best advise is really prevention is better than cure. It's better to forge friendships that are genuine and based on trust and love.

Weiss Schnee said:

Indeed, and even experience may fail you. Humans are unpredictable. The best advise is really prevention is better than cure. It's better to forge friendships that are genuine and based on trust and love.

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That is definitely true. But as much as prevention is better, the act of forging a friendship can be as much of an ordeal as ending one. For every person who doesn't need to look for friends, there seems to be at least one person that doesn't have any. I wonder if breaking up a friendship and making friends is somehow related, but I suppose humankind will never find out.

I just try to come out and be honest to them because I'm the kind of person who wants to get over the bitter stuff quickly and not prolong it. Don't like drama...

Loyalty is everything to me. If you aren't loyal I'm cutting you off quick. If you aren't loyal then you aren't trustworthy. I have very select friends I allow into my circle because of this, but I have a lot of aquantances I occasionally run with.
But to answer the question. I handle letting someone go simply by letting them know im cutting them off. Also if they about that drama, I don't even waste my time with them. I'm not on that high school shit. Only immature children and insecure people are about drama. If you're an adult, you have major issues you need to fix before attempting to get into my circle. Lastly, respect.