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Old May 11th, 2013 (7:19 PM).
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Entermaid Entermaid is offline
     
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
    Wow. There's a lot of interesting discussion going on here all of a sudden.

    Anecdote: My close friend is gay and recently he's said he misses spending time with other gays. (In our circle of friends he's the only gay guy.) From things he's said, from other bits and pieces I've scraped together it seems like gay men have and like and want to keep a specific "gays only" sphere under the feeling that on some level no one else can understand them.

    All my understanding about this group is second-hand or from observations I make as an outsider, but it does seem to have a unique kind of "boys club" mentality. I think the problem with it isn't necessarily outright hostility or hatred, but more a lack of exposure to anything dealing with women. A kind of echo chamber of maleness. Bi people, trans people, straight people - all of them have lives that typically include women or women's perspectives in one sense or another. Since gay men typically are the face of the gay community (women are a big part, of course, but they get overlooked more often) it's their views that filter out among the people, I think, and give the "gay community" this feeling of being hostile to bi/trans/etc people within its own ranks. I mean, if you looked over the people in this club here I bet you'd find that well over 50% are gay guys.

    Strangely, it doesn't really seem to work the other way around with lesbian circles because we still live in straight male society so women can't really escape that to some separate space the way gay men can. Straight men will keep trying to assert themselves in women's business so even gay girls are interacting with men fairly often.
    Don't worry, you're not the only one whose noticed this.

    I definitely see the whole "boys club" mentality in cliques. I don't have many gay friends, urm, if any, but of those I am acquainted with there are distinct characteristics they all share among groups. It's a more extreme version of, I guess, any group mentality. For instance, straight women usually bond with other straight women that share the same characteristics; yet, they are more willing to place stress on the characteristics of the group such as interests or appearance/style rather than sexuality, as it seems like straight women are more apt to include lesbian women than straight men include gay men in their inner circles. And, both heterosexual men and women naturally gravitate toward each other, even as friends and groups - yet usually their are sex-specific groups within these groups. Ultimately though, there seems to be a bit more overlap than gay-male groups.

    My experience has been the gay guy of the group, when I hang with either straight men or women, usually both simultaneously. So, there is an isolation there, a feeling of uniqueness to the group dynamic though a feeling of not belonging. I do see the attractiveness of being friends with similar gay men because one might feel more cohesive with the group, but I wouldn't want to be pigeon-holed into one specific "type". (I wonder what my gay classification I would even be? lol ) Ultimately, it would be nice to have some friends of both straight and gay, but I imagine it would be strenuous to coalesce the two; they would most likely be separate circles. Maybe this is different in more urbanized areas.

    @ Pachy, didn't mean to offend you, I was just making the point, not certain conclusion, that making inferences of hate and ignorance can be unproductive if we are not 100% sure where the remark is coming from given that the posts were not obviously or overtly transphobic as stated. Didn't mean to sound like I was on my high-horse; sometimes I too unconsciously make inferences that someone is homophobic based on a remark, but I try to employ a bit of due diligence before I assume anyone is being hateful. I mean, I make blatant "gay" jokes from time to time, and I know that I am certainly not homophobic or hateful of gays. A lot of the friends I have now, I have thought at some point in time as I was getting to know them that they had something against gay people.
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