Confessing Love

So I confess my feelings to someone I have grown to develop feelings for, and they don't feel the same way as I do, essentially?

My case of action would be, at least for the time being, separating myself from this person. So long as attraction to her exists, then we can't be friends.

I guess there's enough confusion in that idea that in order to feel love one has to mandatorily be friends to the other person; that's pretty simply and empirically not true. You certainly need to know the other person well over a simple cursory degree, but friendship is not at all necessary.

If we are already friends but haven't been for that long yet, and the question pops up as in the scenario given, and their answer is "Let's be friends first" when we are supposedly already friends, that'd be a huge warning sign. It'd be a clear indication that even under the label of friends that person does not value you as equitatively as you value them (as friends or romantically) which mind is a normal and not a bad thing, but it does mean you'll likely always be at a disadvantage. Or it could be a warning sign that that person has a desire to wall things. But with all that, the thing to take from that warning sign would not be to not try, but to find out more about this person first and to figure out if what we are in love with is really the person we have in front of us, or an emotional or social ghost of.

Given the reasons people fall in love, I'd venture nothing sucks more than falling in love with a fake person.

Home said:

If example you confessed your love to a person and he/she say ," Let's be friend first?". What does this mean in your point of view?
(P/S: You guys are already friend but not quite long)

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It means they're not into you and that's the excuse they came up with to avert a difficult conversation, doubly so since you've already been friends with them for a while. If there was a chance of it working they would have suggested dating instead of being friends; the whole point of dating is to get to know the other person and see if you work well together.

They're probably trying not to hurt your feelings because they like you as a friend and don't want to have a difficult conversation that's going to leave you upset. This is seriously misguided on their part and personally it really irritates me when people do this; I don't like people jerking me around and wasting my time and I'd much rather they just be direct with me.

I'm gonna give some advice here. A major mistake that a lot of (usually younger) people of both sexes make is not being clear and upfront about things from the start. It's difficult to do because it's awkward, embarrassing, and can often end with you feeling like crap if you get rejected, but it's something you really need to do. Be clear from the start why you're getting close to someone or they're just going to see you as a friend and it's going to get awkward if you try to turn it into something else.

You also need to not obsess too much over any one person that you're interested in. If you let them know from the start that you're into them and they didn't reciprocate, just move on. The odds of them spontaneously developing feelings for you are so low that they may as well not exist and you're going to waste a lot of time for what's eventually going to end in heartbreak for you (unless you're perfectly fine being "just friends" with them and seeing them with someone else, and let's be honest, you're not). You're only hurting yourself by trying to pursue something that's not there. Move on and you'll find someone else you're interested in eventually; trust me, there are at least 4.5 billion other potential candidates, you'll find someone if you keep at it.

Also, don't let someone take advantage of you. Try to keep a clear mind and don't let your feelings blind you from the signs of a bad relationship. Being in a relationship feels great and you're not going to want to think about the signs of trouble even if they're super obvious and everyone around you sees it. Keep your head and be proactive about problems. Listen to advice, even if it hurts you or makes you angry. If you have good friends, they'll be there for you and if they give you advice, it's because they're worried for you.

Above all else, though, respect yourself and don't let people jerk you around. You're worth more than you might think and you owe it to yourself to be happy. Don't let someone try to change you. If you want to improve yourself in some way, go for it; that's great, but do it for your sake. If someone can't love you for who you are, don't waste your time; there are countless others out there who will. Be strong and don't waste your time on people who don't respect you.

I don't know because I'm too awkward to say anything and nobody would confess love to me anyway...

I would say it depends on how young both of you are. If i may ask...How old are you?

Home said:

If example you confessed your love to a person and he/she say ," Let's be friend first?". What does this mean in your point of view?
(P/S: You guys are already friend but not quite long)

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I don't think you should outright confess in that way and then follow it up with "but friends first!"
It'll make things awkward.

I more prefer the "Hey, you know, I'm interested in you, but let's start as friends" and see if they share that spark at all.

I've found that telling someone you 'love' them should be saved for when you really are. A crush or even budding interest should not be considered the same thing.

So I have this friend, and we're really close to each other (like bestfriends), and I confessed to her. She said I don't know and after that we became awkward to each other (until now).

Omega said:

So I have this friend, and we're really close to each other (like bestfriends), and I confessed to her. She said I don't know and after that we became awkward to each other (until now).

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How long have you known each other? If you're that close, you should be able to just ask how to deal with it and work it out.

If it's not really that long, then you might've done it too soon.

If you consider yourself BEST friends already, I wouldn't think the latter is the case, so if she's that good of a friend and even worth your time as someone beyond that, hopefully she should be willing to discuss or talk it out.

Enpatsu Shakugan said:

How long have you known each other? If you're that close, you should be able to just ask how to deal with it and work it out.

If it's not really that long, then you might've done it too soon.

If you consider yourself BEST friends already, I wouldn't think the latter is the case, so if she's that good of a friend and even worth your time as someone beyond that, hopefully she should be willing to discuss or talk it out.

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We've been friends for 5 years already and we just got close last year since we were classmates. The first four years we were just normal friends doing normal friend things. When she and I became awkward, I felt like I shouldn't have confessed.

Omega said:

We've been friends for 5 years already and we just got close last year since we were classmates. The first four years we were just normal friends doing normal friend things. When she and I became awkward, I felt like I shouldn't have confessed.

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If you can't discuss it with someone like that, I don't know who you possibly could.

I'd personally ask to discuss it. Obviously nothing will happen if you let it be any longer. It's only getting worse doing that.

Enpatsu Shakugan said:

If you can't discuss it with someone like that, I don't know who you possibly could.

I'd personally ask to discuss it. Obviously nothing will happen if you let it be any longer. It's only getting worse doing that.

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She said to me we should go back to being pals again but I don't know. It's kind of hard to start acting normal again once you know and she knows you like her. We've been living our normal lives without each other so I don't know if she and I needs to discuss it further.

Omega said:

She said to me we should go back to being pals again but I don't know. It's kind of hard to start acting normal again once you know and she knows you like her. We've been living our normal lives without each other so I don't know if she and I needs to discuss it further.

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It sounds to me she's either not interested romantically in you, or more probable, you've been friend zoned big time.
Tricky situation. You've been just friends for too long, so now you're basically her brother in her mind with zero romantic prospects.

Honestly, stay her friend, but look for a different woman in your life. That should ease the awkwardness between you too.

Enpatsu Shakugan said:

It sounds to me she's either not interested romantically in you, or more probable, you've been friend zoned big time.
Tricky situation. You've been just friends for too long, so now you're basically her brother in her mind with zero romantic prospects.

Honestly, stay her friend, but look for a different woman in your life. That should ease the awkwardness between you too.

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She considers me a friend and she really wants us to go back to the good ol' days, so I might just change back.

But damn bro, you're right. Thanks a lot.

Omega said:

She considers me a friend and she really wants us to go back to the good ol' days, so I might just change back.

But damn bro, your right. Thanks a lot.

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Yeah, man. Why do you think the friend zone is so infamous?
Unless something happens where you either save her or have some life altering experience together, women are pretty stubborn about it and I doubt it'll change.

Hopefully the more you ponder it, the easier it'll be to move on to a different girl for your wants. You might even question if you were really attracted to her, etc, or if you too always wanted to stay just friends.

mfw people think the friend zone is some magical power only women have and can exert upon poor men just because they dont want to pursue a relationship.

just a notice that women are human beings and we are free to just remain friends just as you would want to remain friends with a girl you didn't have feelings for. the usage of the term "friend zone" is absolutely insulting and degrading to the individual who just isn't interested in romantic pursuits

i get it, rejection is hard. confessing to someone is going to be super difficult because it does have the potential to alter the dynamics of the friendship that you're in, but only if you both really let it. if she isn't interested, that's fine. it's better to accept the outcome than to do anything that would risk harming your friendship with her.

if she wants to make it awkward and uncomfortable despite your willingness to move on, then that's her fault at the end of the day but not because she's a woman, but because that's just poor character on her part.

let's not generalize all women

colours said:

mfw people think the friend zone is some magical power only women have and can exert upon poor men just because they dont want to pursue a relationship.

just a notice that women are human beings and we are free to just remain friends just as you would want to remain friends with a girl you didn't have feelings for. the usage of the term "friend zone" is absolutely insulting and degrading to the individual who just isn't interested in romantic pursuits

i get it, rejection is hard. confessing to someone is going to be super difficult because it does have the potential to alter the dynamics of the friendship that you're in, but only if you both really let it. if she isn't interested, that's fine. it's better to accept the outcome than to do anything that would risk harming your friendship with her.

if she wants to make it awkward and uncomfortable despite your willingness to move on, then that's her fault at the end of the day but not because she's a woman, but because that's just poor character on her part.

let's not generalize all women

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Of course anyone can apply the FZ strategy, and it's not any iron clad rule or notion. The term itself is just a blanket term used to describe this situation, which, let's be honest, that's exactly the situation he was in bar none.
The notion of it, and women's usage of it don't stem out of nothing. This situation is actually very common, of women to men, and it makes sense, as women 9 times out of 10 are the ones being pursued.

How you jumped to these conclusions from this exchange between two guys is baffling.

I think you're the one generalizing. Why is Friend Zone offensive to you when you flat out admitted people are people and it can apply to anyone? That makes it a derogatory female comment? Even when I agreed with you on it?
See what I mean?

... i was being snarky, in which my bigger point is that the concept of the friend zone is absolutely absurd

whether it's a woman or a guy, it doesn't matter. if you have feelings for someone and they dont share those feelings back and they just want to be friends, calling yourself "friendzoned" trivializes their feelings and places you as the victim of some emotional crime that Shant Not be committed

and you know what's really baffling? making statements like this that come from your own post

women are pretty stubborn about it and I doubt it'll change.

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this is literally the exact definition of generalization. it's not a hard concept to grasp, dude. just don't generalize women like this. it's disrespectful and degrating and makes you look like some sort of chauvinist.

i'll just say that I basically agree with Angie but let's relax here people

colours said:

... i was being snarky, in which my bigger point is that the concept of the friend zone is absolutely absurd

whether it's a woman or a guy, it doesn't matter. if you have feelings for someone and they dont share those feelings back and they just want to be friends, calling yourself "friendzoned" trivializes their feelings and places you as the victim of some emotional crime that Shant Not be committed

and you know what's really baffling? making statements like this that come from your own post



this is literally the exact definition of generalization. it's not a hard concept to grasp, dude. just don't generalize women like this. it's disrespectful and degrating and makes you look like some sort of chauvinist.

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That's my experience. Sorry if it came off as a generalization then. Should've been clearer.

But I disagree, the Friend Zone concept is a thing and came about for a reason. To try and convince yourself it doesn't exist is baffling to me.

Don't really see the point in being 'snarky' with your original response either... But whatever.

The friend zone exists... it's just not something that get's done to you in a malicious sense like some make out. If you love a friend and they don't feel the same way. Then you're friendzoned. That's all it is. It's not an attack on you and it shouldn't be treated as such but neither should we act like the term marginalises anyone either. For one thing, it's a gender-neutral experience.