I thought I'd be able to get sleep, but nah, that wasn't happening. I know many people in this country did manage to get some sleep, to sleep on the chests of those in their whanau and have some respite from the horrors of the day. And I am so glad they did, but I just wasn't able to. So much to think about. I'm not ashamed to say that I've been crying. NZ was not a paradise and I've always made it clear that I am no patriot. But this is something that I don't even know how to encapsulate, don't have any frame of context to compare it to. We really don't. Sure, we have overseas stories and such, but... it doesn't help. How do you put into words what happened? The defining act of terrorism in this country was the French-coordinated sinking of an environmental vessel, the Rainbow Warrior, nearly 35 years ago. One life lost, and that was enough to bring us together. We haven't had a mass shooting in 29 years, and that itself was an event which swiftly changed the cultural landscape. It was an event which my generation can barely claim as a memory, if they were even alive then. It's an event which changed us, but so fully that there's nothing else for us to compare it to since. That's just one reason why it's so hard to understand, as a country, what has happened. How do you even try to process the change this will bring to the nation?
And yet, I'm not even Muslim nor someone directly affected by this terrorist attack - the Islamic community in this country have suffered a blow that I won't ever be able to really comprehend. It's a nightmare for the Islamic people of this country that wider New Zealand can only begin to comprehend. I just know that what happened a violation of our shared spirit - to live in our tiny little country and find what we were looking for, regardless of the God or creed we turned to for help in that regard. Muslims have always been welcome in this country and that will never change. They were just part of our wider family. To be violated in such a way is beyond the realm of forgiveness in any scenario, but in the middle of prayer? That is beyond inhuman. To have such hatred... I cannot express my sadness fully.
A little context. Christchurch is a city that as time went by, became associated with a couple of things. Firstly, it was not known to be a marker of the cultural and ethnic diversity that exists in the cities up north - that's the South Island in general. It's an area where if you are white, you are very likely to be surrounded by people that look exactly like you. It's an area in which whiteness is the standard. Secondly, it was an area in which social life had already been forced to adapt after an earthquake there in 2011. The process of fixing the costs was... complicated. There was a lot of profiteering done, both by the government and the insurance companies who waved their hands and didn't go through with many of their obligations. A lot of lives were ruined. The area is still rebuilding. A lot of anger has still yet to be dealt with. It was a hotbed for discontentment, and that anger only contributed to the undercurrent or racism that still permeates New Zealand. When immigrants from many Asian and Middle Eastern countries started arriving in higher numbers around that same time, due to an economic plan that I'm not gonna get into, long-festering attitudes that weren't necessarily expressed became things that were expressed by a few. That resentment became even more dangerous.
That's not to say that the earthquake or the government or any singular event was responsible for this by any train of thought - intolerance over different ethnicities is something this country is not unfamiliar with by any means. I just want to provide context as to how Christchurch's situation within NZ has helped contribute to some evolving levels of hatred in the minds of some gutless, abominable people. White supremacist elements were sadly not unheard of - it's a problem around the country, but in an isolated area in an isolated country, things get magnified. A lot of people to be preyed upon. An infinitely higher number of perfectly lovely people that just want to watch Netflix after the 6pm news, but a small number of lonely, disaffected, broken people with racial hatred in their hearts that could be utilised. And in this case, it's been utilised. We don't know enough to truly comment on the internet's usage as a vehicle of radicalisation in this case, but I just want to say that in an area like Christchurch, it was a vehicle that had many to pick up.
But... Christchurch has never let these problems define it. It was an area of acceptance, no matter what fucking happened to it. It was an area that still allowed all of its people to be part of its wider family. There was a Muslim community there for a reason - because people knew, and continue to know, how to let other people into their lives without their skin colour nor their religion detracting from that. The main shooter was immediately greeted by one of the attendees at Deans Avenue Mosque, extending gratitude to someone who he thought was interested in his religion. His fate is not what I want to focus on. The people who returned that goodness in heart are those I want to focus on. Immediately after yesterday's tragedy, stories came out about citizens immediately running to protect their Muslim brethren even when gunshots were still being heard. Some even delivered first aid. Tried to save lives. It's been hard to not go back to crying when thinking of it. Our first thought has been how to help - how can we protect those still in danger, how can we get them to care, how can we help their families, how can we support each other, how can we support this country, how can we get rid of the videos of the shootings from public spheres, how can we make sure his manifesto does not get spread, how can we prevent immediate radicalisation from this nightmare. 'How can we?' has been the question. Not 'How could you?' How can we help. That's been our identity in this. The people in Christchurch may have been failed by four indescribably heartless beings, but the people of Christchurch and New Zealand as a whole have been adamant in not failing those who need love now.
The response has been swift and total. Blood donations, money and immediate cultural unity, to list some things. Our prime minister Jacinda Ardern has managed to speak to our thoughts exactly.
"We are a proud nation of more than 200 ethnicities, 160 languages, and amongst that diversity we share common values. And the one that we place currency on right now is our compassion and the support for the community of those directly affected by this tragedy and secondly, the strongest possible condemnation of the ideology of the people that did this.
You may have chosen us, but we utterly reject and condemn you."
That's only part of her speech, but she did us proud. We do reject these people. They are not working in our interests. Our interests are in each other. Loving them. That won't change. I know that this event will change New Zealand forever. I know it won't be for the better in many cases, and I'm politically savvy enough to predict what may happen in the future. But our little island country will not fall to hatred. We will rally around our Muslim whanau and give them the whenua that we all deserve. We may by isolated from the rest of the world, but we will categorically refuse to be isolated from each other. Aotearoa will come back from this. We will grieve together, mourn together and then rise together. It's not an option. It's a reality.
We all love each other very much. Kia kaha.