[Other Original] 2359 - The minute which lasted forever...

After a long hard study of myself, I have convinced myself I am a masochist yet a big sadist to my characters. So, as I don't see why not, I'm going to post here a project I'm working on. Yesh, I plan on making it a novel and publication... are dreams. BUT DREAMS COME TRUE AND ASDF#GJK@! ... Just know I'm putting a lot of effort into this and everything is literally in a draft stage.

Character development, Plot and everything else related to planning can be found ...
WARNING. THE ABOVE LINK CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS. I AIN'T KIDDING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
... I can't post links yet :3 Actually, I won't post up the link unless someone really really really wants to read it. Which is highly unlikely. Well, I don't like giving out secrets anyways~

Well, here goes. Feedback would be much appreciated.
But, like, who'll read this anyways? ;w;

2359​

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Chapter One: Kathleen Nguyen

The first thing Kathleen noticed was the silence.

She was an ordinary kid, the type who always listened to her parents and one who believed in good studies. She was born into an Asian family, the ones with older twin brothers, another older brother, younger triplet brothers, an over protective mother and a stern father. Kathleen was an ordinary kid and she never would've predicted the series of events that all happened in the period of one minute, a minute that changed her life, forever.

Just before it had all begun, her mother was busy casting her magical spells in the kitchen, the scents of mysterious concoctions wafting out onto the dinner table. It always amazed Kathleen how her mother, who was proud of her culture, was able to create and remake tradition recipes. It was nothing less than magical. On the downside, the family rarely was allowed to eat out. It was disgusting and oily apparently. Still, it was these little things that made her mother seem just a tad bit paranoid about society, just a tad.

Her brothers, the three annoying triplets, were busy challenging the other, seeing who could make the best toothpick tower. Feet swinging up and down from atop of the kitchen table, one was jumping up and down, another was crying with anger and the last was simply there grinning with mischief in his eyes. Tom, Timmy and Thomas were their names and Kathleen swore all of them shared the same middle name 'trouble.' The three rascals were troubles makers and they knew it. If toothpick towers had seemed impossible, explain glue tack paintings and grass pencils. The family had already long gotten used to their little ramblings and ignoring the three had become a daily routine.

Her other brother, with the last two being at University, was taking refuge on the family couch, it's red leather somewhat soothing, and was busy playing a game on an old Gameboy. Apparently, he had gotten the device at a cheap sale and the boy had a weird thing for retro gaming – Pokémon seemed to be his favourite. Its old beeping noises could be heard two rooms away and it was dead obvious when the boy was up gaming as he never bothered with headphones. If you didn't know better, he looked like a future gamer and maybe even someone wouldn't be able to get a job. Nelson, as that was his name, was actually an avid game designer who had sights on creating future toys for current society.

Lastly, Kathleen herself was entertaining herself with the sights from the dining room window, the old street light outside flickering on and off as though a child was playing with the switch. The wooden chair she sat on came as a match with the table with its designs being one a kind. It was her favourite chair, carvings of flowers and birds adorned the arm rest and it was nice to swing on, its legs sturdy enough to hold her weight. Also, because she was in a good mood, she was wearing an old watch her grandmother had gifted her with. Its old hands moved with a light tick every time the minute hand would go to indicate another sixty second cycle. It was the pride she wore usually on cool crisp nights like these.

It was an ordinary night. Her father would come home at exactly 0000, her mother would finish cooking at 0010, they would say grace at 0015 and Kathleen would be able to get in bed at 0100. Apparently, it was a good tradition that families had to have a dinner together and, due to her father's work, dinner was always at around midnight. Such a lifestyle should be tiring, you could argue, however, for this Asian family, it was just another one of their strange rituals. But, this night was different.

Never had never been a more appropriate time for the words 'the silence was deafening.' Like fate had planned it all from the start, as soon as Kathleen's watch indicated the minute hand had moved to 2359, silence fell on the dinner table. Her brothers had stopped whining and the outdated beeps paused. At first, the girl welcomed it, it was hard for her to get a moments silence in a household as busy as this one and it was much needed at times she couldn't get. However, it wasn't long before Kathleen felt the unease which hung in the air. Slightly worried, she turned to fact her brothers, all of which were poking sticks at each other. What really got to her was the fact that they were perfectly frozen. For the three of them to stay perfectly still at any given time was impossible. Their cheeky eyes seemed to glint under the soft kitchen light and Kathleen began to realize that none of the three were breathing.

"Tom? Timothy? Thomas?!" She had called, her voice ringing with panic and fear. Kathleen had rushed over, attempting to pull, push or even lift up any of the three yet, in vain. No matter what she did, the three stayed the same, silent and still. It was as though they were statues, perfect replicas of her little brothers which were glued to the floor. Like any other person would, Kathleen immediately ran into living room to find a perfectly still boy completely glued to his game, literally.

"Nelson!!" She pulled and tugged, closed her eyes and blinked. She had even pinched and slapped herself once or twice but, her eyes peeled open to reveal a perfectly still brother who still had yet to put his finger on the START button. Kathleen would've collapsed then and there if she hadn't remembered her mother. The scent of food was still evident in the air so her mother was still moving, right? This was all a dream, right? They were just playing a trick on her, right?

Wrong. Her mother was smiling, hand on saucepan and other hand on a spatula, but she wasn't moving. Out of panic, Kathleen placed her hand on the counter, burning it due to the odd drop of hot oil, and hugged her mother, struggling to just shake her. "Mother? Mother!!" Her mother said nothing in reply. Instead, the happy smile she always had whilst cooking seemed to mock the girl, Kathleen letting go in despair.

Quietly letting her hand run under the freezing cold tap water, Kathleen almost drifted off as she tried to process her thoughts. Her whole household had been frozen and it wasn't some kind of crazy stupid dream. She sighed, the tap squeaking as she twisted it off. What in the world was going on? Was she stuck in some random phrase of puberty?! Unable to come up with answers and only adding more and more questions to her list, Kathleen dried her hands, cringing at the light sting, and looked at her prized watch. The slender big hand was stuck on the slit behind 12 and the small hand, in all its glory, was standing at the number 12 itself, as though it was mocking the other and waiting for the longer counter part to catch up. '2359...' The thought somewhat haunted the girl but, as the watch was without a second hand, she shook it off and walked over to the door. Her father should be almost home by now.

Closing the door with a clack, Kathleen obediently locked the front door behind her and casually stepped onto the front yard. There shouldn't be a real reason to panic, after all, just because basically everyone in her household wasn't breathing didn't mean it was the end of the world, right? Right? Pushing such thoughts behind her, she moved on, searching for her father's vehicle yet, what she saw next almost changed her mind. The street light Kathleen had been observing just a few minutes before had stopped flickering. Instead, it was working properly and it's glow perfectly illuminated the circle below it.

Now, Kathleen didn't remember why she did but, she began to run. "Father? FATHER!!" She called, desperately looking for that blue Jeep her father was so proud of. Her feet crunched the gravel as she began to run on the road, throwing away the fear being potential road kill. Only when she finally turned the bend did she calm down and breathed the largest sigh of relief in her lifetime. There, underneath another street light about a hundred metres away, was her father with the most relaxed expression anyone could have.

Skidding to a stop right outside the driver's seat, Kathleen smiled whilst struggling to hide the fact that she was breathing heavily. "F...father!" She finally stuttered, placing her hand on her chest in order to calm herself and feeling slowly it rise up and down. "Mother... N.-nelson... and-" She stopped. Eyes widening in horror, the girl stared at her own father's chest only to find that him too, wasn't breathing.

"F-FATHER?!" Kathleen ran to the side of the car, right in front of his car door and almost screamed her lungs out. "FATHER! FATHER MOVE!! ANYTHING JUST MOVE!!!" That was when the child made a horrible mistake. Simple as pie, she simple placed her hand on the car's door in an attempt to open it and, to her surprise, the vehicle began to move. At first, Kathleen was relieved, her father was still moving, she thought. It was all going to be fine, she thought. It was only when the car picked up speed and the fact that the light which indicated a turn wasn't blinking.

"Father?" She ran, ignoring the sandal which had come off with the speed and the pain which came from her foot. "FATHER STOP THE CAR!" The series of events which followed seemed like a complete fantasy to Kathleen. Simple as pie, the car had crashed into the tree which had blocked anything from continuing to move straight ahead. Her shouts at the time had almost seemed silent and the scene which had unfolded before her was just pure fear. The Jeep her father had so much pride in was crushed due to the car's speed and her father with it. Now, a few seconds later, it had burst into flames, it's orange arms reached high for sky as though it was searching for escape.

"FATHER!" Kathleen had finally arrived at the sight, choking in the midst of the flames and smoke. She was unable to get any closer and the unfamiliarity with explosions made her want to run away. What really scared her was the fact that her father, suit, tie and all, still wore the same relaxed expression even though his body had been crushed and her posture terribly mangled. It was the face of someone who had been looking forward to a good meal with his family and was enough to bring the child to a state of tears.

Kathleen Nguyen, girl of fourteen years and daughter of a loving family, had just murdered her father. Her beloved watch's hands were still frozen at '2359' and, like magic, the silence returned and the explosion froze much like her own ghostly household. On the 31st of July, year XXXX time itself froze leaving an unknown amount of people still moving, still living their own time.

2359; one minute to midnight.

Hiya, welcome to FF&W!

Seven kyuun said:

But, like, who'll read this anyways? ;w;

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Now, that's not the right attitude. :P The key to getting readers and reviews is to keep writing, get to know people, and take it in stride when a chapter doesn't get any replies. Oh yeah, and have fun!

Anyway, I'm glad I caught your thread before the reply deadline passed, as it was certainly an interesting start. You gave a good impression of Kathleen's home life before turning it on its head. I liked some of the little details, especially about the chair she was sitting on--very relatable. It was also clever to leave the watch without a second-hand. Even though it's pretty clear right away to the reader (who knows it's all fiction) that time has frozen for everyone but her, you make her confusion easier to buy into by taking away what would have been an obvious tell, and making the watch more memorable to boot.

The best aspect so far IMO is the nature of the time-freeze. I didn't expect the car to stop moving, and I had assumed (like Kathleen) that the father was unfrozen just like the car. Very good job of playing with expectations, and it leaves me intrigued to learn exactly what the rules are and what the reason/meaning behind it all is.

If there's one thing story-wise that I have a bit of an issue with, it's this:

leaving an unknown amount of people still moving, still living their own time.

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It's certainly a dramatic ending to the chapter, but it pretty much tells me outright that there are more people like Kathleen out there, and that we'll probably meet some of them. I think it undercuts the feeling of mystery, isolation, and heartbreak that the death of her father brought about. If you like it better the way you've written it that's fine, just my two cents.

The prose is mostly fine, but sometimes a little overwrought or awkward.

Just before it had all begun, her mother was busy casting her magical spells in the kitchen, the scents of mysterious concoctions wafting out onto the dinner table. It always amazed Kathleen how her mother, who was proud of her culture, was able to create and remake tradition recipes. It was nothing less than magical.

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The previous two sentences make it plenty clear that the magic is metaphorical. The last sentence doesn't add anything and the reuse of the word 'magical' weighs it all down a little. (Also, typo: 'tradition recipes' should be 'traditional recipes'). See also the phrase "Simple as pie," which you use twice in a short span near the end in a way that didn't feel deliberate.

There are some more typos you might want to fix. I spotted these:

Slightly worried, she turned to fact her brothers, all of which were poking sticks at each other.

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'Which' should be 'whom.'

it's red leather somewhat soothing

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And one last thing, which isn't a problem with your story, just something I have to point out. Kathleen runs her hand under "freezing cold" tap water after she burns her hand, which is not what you're supposed to do in that situation. You're supposed to use mildly cool water to treat a first-degree burn to limit pain and damage to the skin. Just FYI! :D

Nice and intriguing start, you get a rite moar:



Looking forward to the next chapter!

Thanks for the advice! I edited it on my document and I'll edit the chapter on here when I'm less lazy .-.

leaving an unknown amount of people still moving, still living their own time.

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Ah yes, that. Its because Kathleen isn't the only protagonist. :3
Unfortunately, I'll be leaving that part as is. ^^ Three new characters are introduced but I'm unsure of whether to leave that third character in there when I rewrite this.

Well, for this new chapter, It's definitely going to be rewritten >_> Definitely.

2359​

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Chapter Two: Suicidal

"Was time stopped to save people… or kill them?"

A boy of fourteen years stared at the scene above him. The sight of a straggly looking woman frozen in mid-air with an accepting face didn't seem to faze him a single bit. His hands were curled in his pocket and he was leaning against the wall, a bored look in his eyes. The boy was thinking. It was as though seeing a suicide was natural for him, and seeing one frozen was just about the same. It was a calm scene really. No wind and no tears-- just a person frozen in mid-air preparing to accept their fate which had unfortunately been stopped, becoming a spectacle for the people passing by. In this case, her audience was a single boy named Samm.

Samm was born and raised on the wrong side of town. This meant he had to fight for his right to live and struggle for survival. Ever since he was born, he was homeless, useless and was just clinging onto the only thing he had left: life. Yet, he here was witnessing the failure of someone who actually wanted to die. Oh, Samm has wanted to die alright but, he had something else to cling onto, someone who treasured him.

"SAMM!" The shrill voice rang loud and clear, echoing through the alleys and reaching the ears of our hero. Samm never liked disturbance. It was something he'd gladly live without.

"What is it, Samantha?" His voice came out like a tired growl and his eyes still rested upon the sight above him.

Samm wasn't brought into this world alone. In fact, he was the second child and deemed younger brother of the sixteen year old girl named Samantha. Unlike Samm, Samantha has a brave heart and is a natural born leader. She's never thought about the possibility of death once and even after their mother disappeared from their lives, Samantha never goes through the day without a smile. It was something her brother rarely did. She never liked thinking too hard. Still, her simplistic ideas always seemed to help the pair get through their tough times.

Lumbering into the scene with the odd can of soup, Samantha's eyes trailed to the sky, revealing the scene of the failed suicide. "Ouch." One word and one thought. That was enough for Samantha and the girl quickly diverted her attention back to her brother. "I found our supplies for the next week. Check out the soup. It's only a week out!"

Typical; even after the two of them had figured out time had frozen, they both had been continuing their lives without a care. It didn't affect them and if anything, it made food hunting a whole lot easier. Mugging had never been a simpler task. Of course, that's how an idealist would view things. Samm was not an idealist.

"Isn't the night pretty today?" Samm asked the question to no one in particular, the tone in his voice indicating he wasn't interested in the food. Once again, he repeated his initial question and this time, he expected an answer.

"Was time stopped to save people, or to kill them?"

The older sister sighed, her arms dropping and letting the weight of the soup cans take over. Looking back up at the lady above them, Samantha's eyes alerted her of a piece of cardboard and the girl found herself dragging to where she estimated the suicidal victim would land, a simple smile on her face and a bit of dust on her already dirty pants.

"Save them obviously. Isn't this kind of giving her a second chance?" She grinned, rolling the can labelled 'BEANS' to her brother and settling down on the wall beside him.

"And what if she never falls down?"

Ordinary; even after the two of them had figured out time had frozen, they both had been continuing their lives without a care. It didn't affect them and if anything, it made sense for their time to have stopped. No one cared about them anyways. Of course, that's how a realist would view things. Samantha was not a realist.

Standing up once more, the girl took advantage of their height difference and softly hit her brother's head, hard. Sitting back down again, Samantha rapidly popped her can open and chugged down the contents, ignoring the words which stated 'Heat up before consuming.'

"Idiot. How many times to I have to tell you to be optimistic? Positivity is good for you, ok? Now eat up before your food gets cold."

Samm, in all the fourteen years he had spent with his sister, never truly understood her. Gradually sliding down until he was once again shorter than her, he stared at his can's label, sighed and popped it open, eating the beans at a moderate pace.

"It's already cold though." This time, the tone in his voice was almost monochrome. It was a sign which meant that he believed his sister was being unreasonable, again.

"Just shut up and eat your soup."

------2359------

"The old clock on the library still says 2359, ya know?" A boy about the same age of Samantha stretched his legs, kicking the trash can he was sitting upon. A cheeky grin on his face, he threw his soup can onto the ground and in turn, stretched his arms. It was good to be alive. "At this rate it looks like the night won't be going away for a looong time~ Might as well kick the can and keep on living as is."

If there was one thing Samantha hated right now, it was the time stop. The night was long and cold, showing no signs of turning around and her brother was talking less, his face showing no signs of happy emotions. Yet, if there was something Samantha would thank, it was the time stop. It was true it helped the two get through the endless night and that hardly anyone seemed to be running after them with a broom and angry face. Also, it was thanks to the time stop that they finally made a new friend.

"Still, what's the point to survival without a future?" For once, her tone was bleak and woeful, something she never used around her younger brother.

She shook her head in distaste. Thinking never was her thing. Standing right next to the trash can, she smartly knocked the item over, chuckling as the boy fell to the ground with a thump.

"Not so smart now, are ya Henry?"

"Aw, Shut up. You know Samm the smartest and no one can beat 'im"

"Well, you sure beat him at trying to use slang." Samantha giggled Henry's expression and threw his empty soup can onto a nearby trash heap, the cylinder rolling about before resting by an old dirty boot.

Henry Stoak was the boy's name. He was of sixteen years, always wore a smile and something about him just seemed to click with Samantha. He wasn't like Samm. That meant something to the girl as she was beginning to believe all boys wore the same bored yet thoughtful expression. If that wasn't enough, Henry was the one who had informed the siblings of the sinister tine stop, pointing to out to them the local library. There stood a magnificent grandfather clock, located proudly outside the library doors. Its hands were forever stuck on 2359 and the iconic booming gong rang silently within all their hearts.

"It's just a joke, right? The clock's face, I mean. Something so old couldn't possibly be accurate." Henry had whispered that day. His eyes back then seemed hopeful of a tomorrow and the existence of a future had been possible for that one moment to him. Now, twenty sleeps, sixty-eight meals and fifty knocked over trash cans later, the simple belief of morning seemed impossible to all.

"Haha, very cool Ms Samantha." Henry clapped, sarcasm written all over his face. The girl bowed with a light curtsey and twirled once, beginning to walk towards the next alley with a wide grin on her face.

"Come on, we have to get Samm and move on. The soup here is going to be the death of us if we don't."

"Like the soup can get any more outdated as it is." The sound of the fourteen year old shocked both Samantha and Henry, a single soup can rolling towards his feet. Picking it up, Samm, without even looking, threw it onto the pile and walked towards the pair, the can landing with a light ping amongst all the trash. "I figured out how the Touches work."

In a world where everything is supposedly frozen, it wasn't long before Samm found out that they had the ability to let things continue moving in this time stop. 'Moving in their own time,' as the boy so often stated. Through many tests of trial and error, the three had been one too many in the path of trains, electrical circuits empty golf carts and the non-existent internet. To make life easier to understand to people like Henry, Samm deemed this ability 'Touches' and has been performing minor tests ever since.

Holding up a fancy looking smartphone, Samm opened his mouth and proceeded to tell his theory, not bothering to hear what any of them had to say.

"This ability, Touches, is actually extremely basic. Via a direct touch, meaning the object has to be in contact with your skin, you'll be able to drag the object into this frozen time period and make it work here. Attempting to do the same with any kind of time teller will result in strange reactions such as wild spinning, rapid switching from 2358 to 2359 or simply nothing at all. Of course this means things like phone calls, internet and electricity won't be working but the Touches last approximately—"

"Ten minutes. You'll have ten minutes."

Samm frowned and looked up to see a blank looking Henry with the most stoned expression known to mankind. "Yes, that is the conclusion I came to. After ten minutes, the item will promptly return to a frozen like state. I was able to record the length with the stopwatch on this smartphone which was a few metres away from that suicidal lady on the ground beneath her. Thankfully it responded to the Touches." Finishing his report, Samm immediately hit Henry with a question. "If you knew beforehand, why didn't you say something?"

"Hehe~ It was a lucky guess." Henry blew a raspberry whilst ruffling his brown hair.

Unsatisfied, Samm was stopped from probing further as his sister suddenly cut in with her own proclamation.

"Let's go and bring back time ourselves!"

Before anyone could protest, an average looking Asian girl stumbled out of the corner store they had been stealing from. On her right wrist, she wore an antique looking watch with its hands perfectly frozen on 2359.

"Are you suicidal?!"

31st July: the day that never ended.

Unfortunately I won't be updating this thread anymore. Sure, I'll still be working on this but I just won't be updating this thread anymore. Sorry if you were tracking this or was looking forward to this but-- I won't be going on for a while. A loooong while.

I hope you liked what I put up though. ^^ Thanks for reading!