Help & Advice Thread

Maybe he'll just have to wear clothes that don't in any way make him look like a neo-Nazi. You know, like no camo prints or white undershirts, and if he has tattoos he should cover them. Wear a hat. Wear a pink t-shirt with a rainbow on it.

reposted here!!

man going through a breakup really sucks. a few days ago i broke up with my ex of 10 months who i really loved yadda yadda. but i seriously cannot do anything without relapsing into my typical ugly whiney depressed girl self who is fated to a life of having late night movie marathons and finishing tubs of ice cream and bags of chips at a speed overtaking that of the road runner and talking to my hypothetical dog about stuff like what if it was a mistake or what if we hadn't fought or what if i wore a different kind of t-shirt that time we went to that place doing that thing. i can't listen to music because the music i listen to are recommended by him i can't ride a bus because we used to ride a bus together + so many more GAH it's killing me i can't even so much as talk to the opposite sex without feeling guilty about doing it even if i'm no longer entitled to feeling guilty. i know it's stupid but i can't help it.

i mean, yeah i know someone better is gonna come along in the future but right now i'm paralyzed with the memories of what once was, and what could've been. the only consolation i can get out of this is that he might be feeling the same way too right now, or maybe he's having the time of his life now that he's not chained into a committed relationship especially if that was with a person like me god i hate my self esteem issues

i've been so moody and emotional and extra-antisocial these days because of the breakup. i hate post-breakup depression why do they have to be so unnecessary and painful yet at the same time so inevitable?

bottom line is, are any of you going through the same thing? (or perhaps even something remotely similar to this) but if you aren't, what kind of advice can you offer to those who are... well, unwilling to let go of the past? (aka me T___________T)

outer space said:

reposted here!!

man going through a breakup really sucks.
...
bottom line is, are any of you going through the same thing? (or perhaps even something remotely similar to this) but if you aren't, what kind of advice can you offer to those who are... well, unwilling to let go of the past? (aka me T___________T)

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I have some advice for you if you'd like to hear it.

So this kind of thing sucks. And it will continue to suck for at least a few months.
Everyone goes through some kind of "mourning period" after a breakup, this is what you're going through now, it's totally normal to go through every "what if" scenario in your head and then hate yourself for doing (or not doing) something regrettable.
This is always the worst part, and you may be right in that your ex is going through the same thing although usually they are not and this is probably hard to hear and wrap your head around but you need to understand why the relationship failed, in order to grow from the experience and ultimately not make the same mistakes.
You can use the fact that they aren't mourning the same as you to your advantage, put up your walls, block them out, you need them less than they do and you should prove it to them and to yourself.
The easiest way to do this is to get them out of your mind, hang out with friends. Even if you don't want to go out just being in a social environment like having dinner at a restaurant will lift your mood and distract you.
The cool thing is, the more you do this, the quicker it goes away and it hurts less. And on top of that if your ex sees you out having fun they're going to feel like they made a mistake, and they did. Whatever you do spend more time with good people. You may just become acquainted with your next love affair.
I'll finish on a bit of a downer, but this is important too. Never EVER revive a dead romance. On again off again relationships never end well. Unless you have both matured and fixed your faults you're going to have a bad time over and over.

Good luck, and make yourself available. ;)

outer space said:

bottom line is, are any of you going through the same thing? (or perhaps even something remotely similar to this) but if you aren't, what kind of advice can you offer to those who are... well, unwilling to let go of the past? (aka me T___________T)

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A breakup is like a death. There was something in your life that was fairly consistent and you organized your life, made assumptions about day to day things, based on the idea that at least this one thing was constant. Now that's changed and you have to go through a grieving process until you can accept it and get adjusted to this change in your life. So, you have to grieve in whatever way you know how to.

My grandma died two weeks ago and it's one of those things that I think about, but each day it's a little easier. There's guilt and anger and other feelings when you lose someone, whether it's like in my example or yours. You just stop feeling those feelings as intensely the more adjusted to the change you get. You start to incorporate them into your life and they become part of how you act and think instead of overwhelming how you act and think. It's like getting into a hot bathtub. It feels really hot at first, but you give it time and you acclimate to the temperature.

But anyway, like what Plumpyfoof said, you definitely you want to keep him out for now. Do things that don't remind you of him, as much as that may be hard. Throw yourself into non-relationship things like seeing friends and working on things that you like to do. Whatever feels right to you.

I have an issue and need advice. First off, I'm moving and I'm moving to a state where I fear that they can be bad. I went to visit my brother last month. I'm moving to the "Deep South"... (Alabama). I'm scared like big time. It is just not knowing who is going to harm me or do other things to me.... I hope someone can help me...

Depends on the neighbourhood you're moving to, really. Alabama is one of the poorer states of the US, but it's only a bit relatively - not poor by any strict sense of the word. What reason do you have to be afraid? I don't see how it would be too different from any other part of the country.

The dangers of back woods killers....

Well than,i too have a problemd. It's betwen me and my friend. Since i started the rom hacking the friend began to hate me. Hey say that Rom hacking is a poor thing. What should i do?

@ShinyHoundoom92: Alabama won't be any more dangerous than where you live now. I can think of at least one member here at PC who lives in that state and there probably a lot more. It is a bit awful to have to move when you don't want to, but you can always think of it as a chance to start again, to reinvent yourself, and try new things out.

I really wouldn't worry about monsters in the woods. But if you want to feel safer then just follow some basic safety measures like locking doors and windows, always letting people know where you're going, staying in well-lit areas if it's dark, and not traveling alone when you don't need to. If you can build up the confidence you won't be so afraid. You can build up confidence by doing things that you know will make you safer.


@PokemonMasterOfSkeetendo: You can try to explain to your friend what it is you do with rom hacks so they have a better idea. I'm guessing they don't approve because they think it is illegal or something like that, and if that's how they feel you can just not talk about it with your friend and stick to talking about other things.

Also, it's Alabama. No one will look down on you if they find you carrying armzzzzzzz yo.

PC I need help!
I've run out of dog food and money to buy dog food. Does anyone have a dog and what people food can I feed him? Last night I gave him a can of spaghetti and like 4 slices of bread. Help :(

Meat is generally a good way to go I'd say plumpy. Try not to feed it onions, anything spicy or anything overly processed too. Honestly though, I'd say the best thing to do is to borrow dog food or even money from a neighbour or friend.

I need help PC. First off, I'm dead nervous and really am gonna miss Pennsylvania. Alabama is gonna be sad and depressing just like West Virginia..... I really need advice on this matter and how I should address it. Secondly, is love a waste of time to you? I mean all girls hate smart guys and I really feel like love is not going to be found because Alabama is a southern area... I have one big rule. Don't date southern girls. Should I change that or should I stick to people who are like me. Likes video games instead of killing animals for sport. Please and thank you.

I think you're letting some preconceptions get the better of you. Yes, there are going to be people in Alabama who only care about hunting and don't like smart people, but there are going to be people who are the opposite, and just a lot of different kinds of people. Give people a chance to show you who they are before you write them off.

If you want to, maybe find some online communities for gamers in Alabama or something along those lines. Do a little research about the place you're going to be moving to.

I mean all girls hate smart guys ...

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Hopefully that's not true :P By first and second hand experience, nope 8)

ShinyHoundoom92 said:

Secondly, is love a waste of time to you? I mean all girls hate smart guys and I really feel like love is not going to be found because Alabama is a southern area...

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I am living proof that women find intelligence very attractive. The way you think right now is unattractive. That sounds harsh and that's how I meant it. If you think that all girls hate smart guys you are automatically going to associate those traits with any and every girl you meet. Women can sense that and will be turned off by you. Solution: Confidence, this is the hardest thing you will ever learn.. ever. You need to be confident with who you are first and foremost, confident in your capabilities of what you can and can't do. Being true to yourself is not only attractive because you're not being deceptive but is also uplifting and helps you open up to everything life has to offer. It's an exponential growth as well, as soon as you start seeing results you'll be compelled and it goes from there. Next when you approach them, don't have any previous impressions in your mind, if you want to get to know her, don't make assumptions actually get to know her. Every single woman is different and you should take pleasure in finding out her favourite foods and what she likes (asking why she likes them also gets her talking whilst you think of somewhere to direct the conversation if it dries up accidentally).



I'm going to give all the wishful romantic guys of PC some dating advice for approaching women.
You have a 50% chance of striking out with a girl with the first thing you say regardless of how physically impressive you are. It all depends on how direct you are towards her when initiating the conversation.
So you can give her a compliment and be very direct with her, or you can be indirect and say something about the environment or something she's doing (like reading for example, asking what she is reading is indirect).

There are exceptions obviously. On the odd occasion she may be very friendly and open to meeting people regardless. Or she might just hate everyone all the time for no reason.
Go ahead, prove me wrong.

Please be aware that your body language has everything to do with this.

I'm losing my best friend

Today, my best friend texted me, saying we need to talk. She said we'd been drifting apart and didn't think we were suited to be friends anymore. It broke my heart, she'd been the person who brought me through bad times. We'd been through so much together and now she doesn't want us to be friends.
The worst part is, now that I think about it, we don't have much to say anymore.
I feel so awful that I let this happen. What should I do, internet?

Did she give a reason as to why? Tbqh, doesn't sound like a move a best friend would make.

Flush'd said:

Did she give a reason as to why? Tbqh, doesn't sound like a move a best friend would make.

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She said our conversations were getting limited and interactions were strenuous, both of which I can attest to. I just wanted to make amends, but she saw it differently.
And there had been some drama before that caused a rift, but I thought it had been over at this point.

I see. I don't proclaim to give sage advice, but I think it could be time to move on. Like in any relationship, there needs to be synergy for things to work out. If being friends is more strenuous than beneficial, it may be time to reevaluate and perhaps move on. You may want to remain friends, but it can be very hard to force a working relationship. That being said, definitely follow up on that text. Have that one and one and see what's best for you two moving forward.

That's my take on the matter. Of course you can't blame yourself for something someone else is feeling, especially when you two were friends to begin with. I hope things work out; if you can come to a happy resolution, by all means, I hope you do.