Turnip
HP 91% | LV. 14 | XP 32% | Col 7000
Location - Floor 2: Urbus
"Euuuaaaaaggghhhh… Huuuuuuhhhhhhh... Buhaaaaaaaaagh-"
"Can you shut up, please?"
"I'm boooorrreeed. There's no reason for this, it was the shortest bloody line in the world!"
"Just be quiet, alright? Complaining won't help anyone."
"Hmph… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … Uuuuuuueeeaaaaggggghhhh…"
The bystander sighed. Being behind Turnip in line wasn't a good thing to be. The vegetable in question had been making various complaining noises for almost half an hour now. It was true that the line hadn't been long at all, Turnip having joined it a mere five minutes after the Christmas events actually began, but for some reason this last person – the
very last person before Turnip in line – was taking an age and a half. And then, in a moment Turnip almost never believed would come, the man on Santa's lap (he was actually a fully grown man, which makes the situation a little weird) finally got up and left. Turnip was, of course, the first to notice, and the first to complain.
"YOU'RE DONE. OH MY GOD, FINALLY. YES. YOU TOOK
SO LONG."
The man, slowly, turned to look at Turnip. He opened his mouth – that's how slow he was, you noticed that he opened his mouth before any sound came out – and then spoke.
"S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-so-so-so-so-s-s-s-so-so-so-so-so-sor-sor so-so-so-sor-sor- sorr- sorr- sorr- sorr-sorr- sorr- sorr- sorr-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-so-so-so-sorr-sorr-sorr-sorr-sorr-sorr-sorr-sorri-sorry…"
The slowness seemed to be infectious, as it took several seconds for the man's speech to sink in.
"… One word. Really."
"I-I-I-I-"
"Please don't try to speak. It's just because it's… just don't. It's… don't. Don't."
The man simply looked down and walked away. Slowly. Turnip's mood was a little worse for wear now, but he figured it would pass. Just being forced to wait for a little while wasn't something that would weigh heavily on him. He addressed the red-clad man in the seat before him.
"If you're not Santa, I'm going to bloody kill myself."
… And a happy new year…
"Ho ho ho!" Santa chuckled, "Of course I'm Santa Claus! What would you like for Christmas, little boy?"
"'Little boy'? What are you, blind and deaf? Is that tree hiding poisonous spores or something?"
Santa chuckled again, "No, no, my good man; it's just that I can see the child in you, as I can in see in everyone!"
"Yeah, sounds great- Anyway, you asked me what I'd like for Christmas?"
"Certainly, what does your heart desire?" The old man smiled warmly.
"A demon."
The smile disappeared immediately, "A demon?"
"Yes. For Christmas, I'd like to know the name of the demon-sword who calls himself Vengeful Acts, so that I can take control of him. Or will you deny a poor little boy's Christmas wish?"
"Are you sure there's nothing else? Maybe a ball or a toy car of some kind? Everyone likes toy cars."
"Well, I suppose I could go for some kind of thing with lasers and sharks an- nope, I- yeah, just that. Name of the demon-sword, please."
"Well, I… I suppose, if it is your Christmas wish, I shall do my best to see that it is fulfilled. At least it's only one request… that fellow before you had quite a few. A name is hardly the most difficult thing I'll obtain for a gift this year."
"Cheers, Santa. So, uh, is there anything I can do for you? Quests 'n' stuff?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I could use some help in delivering some presents… and my poor Rudolph…"
"Rudolph?"
"One of my reindeer, he's gone missing. I think he must be somewhere in the dungeon near the Lone Tree."
"Hmm, I think I was just about to check that tree place out, too. I could have a look for you, though my last dungeon experience wasn't too great- anyway, what does delivering presents involve?"
"Oh, thank you. For delivering, I just need you to give these presents to five children around town. Could you do that for me?"
"Sounds easy enough. Thanks." Turnip took the five presents from Santa, then waved and left. The man in red shouted after him about triple garden instruments and having a merry Christmas. He soon spotted an NPC child in the streets, and promptly chucked a present at him.
"Merry Christmas, you prick!" Turnip cried in triumph as the present collided directly with the back of the child's head, doing nothing other than granting an <immortal object> notification. The child seemed completely unfazed, shouting a thanks and gazing fondly at the present that had just recently been hurled violently at him.
Wow, that was really harsh of me. Oh well, one out of five. It doesn't seem to bother them, actually, so it's not a bad way of getting this done quickly.
Turnip continued his innocent-pelting, his annoyance at the line wait fading to nothing. He soon came to the realisation that throwing the presents wasn't really saving him much time, which caused him to stop after just another two throws. Two children left to deliver to. Surprisingly, they were becoming a little more difficult to find. After about two minutes, Turnip managed to find another NPC child, but with that child found it was becoming even more difficult. He spent another two minutes still, searching for the final child, before making his way back to the main square again, one last present still in hand. Then, through a shop, he spied one – a child! He raced to the door of the shop in the hopes of completing his quest.
"Aha! You're a child, I must gift- Nnnnope, not an NPC, don't mind me!"
Turnip clattered noisily into the door, but stopped and swivelled away immediately upon noticing the word 'Princess' - the player's name, obviously - above the character's head. He was about to stride away when he snapped immediately to his left.
"YOU." He said in an almost demonic voice, "I've got a present… with your name on it!"
In one swift motion, Turnip threw his last remaining present into the air, then turned and roundhouse kicked the object directly into the NPC child's face. It made a slight thudding noise, provoking no reaction from the child other than a 'thank you, merry Christmas'. Turnip revelled in his victory – with Santa nearby, his quest was pretty much done.
"Nailed it." He said, "High five? Anyone? NICE."
A random person from the square accepted Turnip's high-five. He didn't know who they were, but supposedly they were pretty awesome and appreciated Turnip's skill at roundhouse kicking objects into children's faces. Others appeared to be frowning at the armour-clad player, but to that he simply said, "What? They're totally immortal and everything."
And thus, the time came to confirm his quest's completion. He thundered up to Santa, announcing in a booming voice:
"I have completed one of your tasks, Christmas man! Five presents delivered to five children, as… REQUESTED!" Speaking with such grandeur and unnecessary pauses granted him a bit of attention from the line, but after a quick 'thank you' and a reward from Santa, Turnip was soon out of the line's way.
That didn't stop one guy from complaining, though, "Hey, there's a line for a reason, idiot!"
Turnip turned to him, miffed, "What was that? I'm sorry; I couldn't hear you over the sound of me already being done and no longer delaying anything. It's pretty loud."
"Oh, yeah, well, screw you!"
Turnip shrugged, "Ooh, you got me there." The armoured figure, notified of his completed quest, decided to check what he'd gained. There were five pieces of <Iron> and a <Christmas Hat>. Turnip simply stared, for a minute, switched to his inventory to view the items, then stared again. He looked on for several seconds, then seemed as if about to cry out in rage…
"OH MY GOD THIS HAT IS AMAZING."
Turnip took the hat and thrust it enthusiastically atop his helmet. It rested there, slightly out of place – well,
very out of place – with the rest of his gear, but somehow fitting.
"I mean, yeah, I can probably
use the iron to some effect, but the hat? THIS IS PHENOMENAL."
And so the helmeted and hatted player proclaimed to the world the amazingness of the <Christmas Hat>. Right in the middle of the Urbus streets, uncaring for now about the many weird looks he may or may not (seriously, he's definitely getting weird looks) be receiving from others around. Perhaps Turnip being in a good mood isn't so good for everyone else anywhere even slightly near him.