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[Abnegation]

If you're reading this, perhaps you're interested in getting to know the "real" me, rather than the face you see on the forums. If that's the case, I feel the need to adjust my seat a little, I want to partake in as much objective honesty as my fingers shall allow.

I have never read a biography without a pinch of salt to cure the truth. I would love to write something I could say to be 100% true, but I do not think such introspection exists in this world. The greatest lies we tell; are the ones we say to ourselves. That does not mean to say each individual is soulless, it simply means that it stands all the more for those that understand us. Coincidentally, I have never found, or should I say, that someone who fully understands me, has not yet found me.

With that, I welcome you to the inner workings of my mind, shallow to those who do not see, the depth will be found by those who do. Have you ever met someone who believes that their personality, or at least the one that they show, is not who they are? Well, if you haven't, you're reading the words of one now. It's not to say that I lie, or that I'm merely inconsistent, the way I present myself is a lot less accurate to how I wish to do so. Perhaps I'm learning, or maybe I'm just another failure, I can't say.

The traits which I have been described, that have stuck with me are quoted as the following: "arrogant", "elitist", "chooses who he speaks to", "unkind". All negative, but I'm playing a false modesty, as I know that the human mind does not listen to one speak well of themselves. Reason for why people say these things are understood to me, but I feel that they are not understood to them, at times. Perhaps I am these things. I am a very interested person, I have many things that I enjoy, I love to read, or often listen to audio-books, the latter is because often I do not have the time to read. Some say I am an artist of sorts, I dabble in many areas, though I hide a lot of it to myself, I could go deeper but I'm listing for now. I also play guitar, and have for nearly 8 years now. I travel half as much as I sleep (really), I am a web designer, I have a stressful job, I'm working on a game, I also play a lot of those, on top of being a full-time college student. These are interests which plague my schedule before I take time to socialize, and I do actually do that also. Usually when I'm online, I'm doing something related to my interests, I'm constantly working on something. If my hands, mind, and soul is not being thrown completely into something that I'm working on, then I'm truly lost. My sporadic presence is due to these facts I feel. I'm very, very interested in people, but I can never find a way to get to know them. I wish I could, I also love when people take interest in me, perhaps this is a confidence issue but it makes me feel as if I have less to prove and that I'm not leading conversation. Control doesn't mean much in my life, so long as I can make my own choices and take a pencil to hand, I'm happy.

The way I think I come across, is both serious, and stupid. I think that I seem like both of those things. When my brain decides to relax from its concentrated state as it's quite often in, I forget that people still judge me based on things I'd rather them not do judge me on. I've always tried to get to know the depth of a person before knowing their face when they take their mind from the most occupying duties, occupations, hobbies, and so on. I don't imagine people like me on first appearance. Truth is, I'm highly opinionated. I am highly interested in religion, religious and global diversity, philosophy, science, art, design, the human mind, these things live at my core. However, I feel I've lost myself and not returned to them for some time. Aside from that, I read and write music, I both sing and play guitar, as well as being able to play the bass, lute, mandolin, 12 string guitar, and also dabble in piano/keys. I studied music in school, but sucked at theory. My grade balanced from a terrible theory grade, and a high practical one. That's me, I don't excel in things I don't have a big interest in. I wish I was more creative, every day I look at what I can do, and wish I could do things others can. I'm not a talented artist, I draw and illustrate through graphic art, traditional drawing, 3D work, and photography. But I do not ever claim to be an artist. The same goes for the game I'm working on. I have a small fan-game known as Pokemon: Phoenix Rising. I do location creation mostly, but also program, and do some of the artwork and so on. These are the things that take up most of my time. I study Game Development & Interactive Media in college, and wish to major in Digital Media. I am a movie, and TV show junkie. Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Falling Skies, Spartacus, True Blood, Breaking Bad, are just some of my favourite shows, movies are ever changing.

Now that my interests and such are out of the way, I feel little need to add more on them. I am not an extremely confident person, I don't hold myself in any massive esteem. But I have never thought that should hold a person back, I don't see any point in being anything but positive, realistic yes, but positive all the same. I think I can be a bad guy, but I really don't think that's what I am. I feel I have a lot to offer, but don't know how to offer it.

Some day, I want to change the world in the most important, but subtle way possible. I want to be the bard that wrote the most beautiful song, but never signed his name. I want to be the hero in the story everybody tells, but be able to tell it without being recognized. I want to be a better person too. A lot of pretty crappy things have happened in my life, it's never been an easy one, I feel that's really made my personality rough around the edges. But I just need more people to iron me out. You are a stranger to the universe, until you no longer want to be, remember that. My name is Gav, and I am the indifferent ending of your favourite movie.

 

[Sydian]

gavin have you ever just wrote on tiny sentence :((((

jk you don't have to answer that

Which state in the US would you like to visit the most? And which would you like to visit the least?

Have you been skyping at 4 AM since our last encounter?

 

[derozio]

How the hell do you manage to write all this stuff? How do you manage to make all your posts, for the lack of a better term, beautiful? They're like music to my ears most of the time.

I wanted to start off with a stupid question like how much do you think I've progressed and stuff but I guess I'll ask something else - you say that people have called you elitist, arrogant and tons of not so good things but have you ever thought about the fact that they all might just be the minority? Minority is generally very vocal. Ever thought that for every 2 people that have called you an arrogant prick there is a possibility of the existence of 20 more that find you a constant source of inspiration but choose not to utter a word for various reasons?

 

[Abnegation]

gavin have you ever just wrote on tiny sentence :((((

jk you don't have to answer that

Which state in the US would you like to visit the most? And which would you like to visit the least?

Have you been skyping at 4 AM since our last encounter?

Well Syd, I was very tempted to reply with just one tiny sentence. However I thought that would be too easy! However to answer your questions... I'm in a bit of a pickle when it comes to states. I'd love to be somewhere that's really warm during the Summer months and such, but I'd also love to be really near somewhere I could go skiing. As that is one of my favourite things to do, as in... actually it's my favourite thing to do. Even over those typical things that everyone loves to do most... buuut, to name an area I'd have to say Boston (Irish people there too yay), or somewhere like LA/Cali. I'd like to visit New York, and some areas in the south, such as Alabama of course. My knowledge on the US is minimal though, so I can't say there's many places I wouldn't like to go!

I don't think I have, but I think I'm going to have to do that again soon, I mean, you love my 4AM calls right? #iswearyouaintmybootycall

How the hell do you manage to write all this stuff? How do you manage to make all your posts, for the lack of a better term, beautiful? They're like music to my ears most of the time.

I wanted to start off with a stupid question like how much do you think I've progressed and stuff but I guess I'll ask something else - you say that people have called you elitist, arrogant and tons of not so good things but have you ever thought about the fact that they all might just be the minority? Minority is generally very vocal. Ever thought that for every 2 people that have called you an arrogant prick there is a possibility of the existence of 20 more that find you a constant source of inspiration but choose not to utter a word for various reasons?

I'd like to say that there's some sort of formula, however I don't think that I agree with you in saying that my posts are all that diverse. If there's ever a case where I wish to put particular effort into a post, I begin to read it back to myself and think about what I would like to hear in a post.

I have thought about that. However I think that human nature wishes for your mind to pick up on the negative things more. It's whether or not you take them to heart that defines who you are. I once used to take every negative thing that had been said about me, and try and contradict it. Though I believe that all that has done is taken me off track. I've learned over the years that it's a lot easier to be cynical of a person, but it's not quite so easy to recognise their strengths. I feel that those who insult me stand out more because they need more help than those who are able to commend a person on their acclaims.

 

[Jellicent♀]

As an artist, I'm sure you've played with many different colors. Which one would you say is your favorite?

 

[Jake♫]

I really admire how much thought you put into your posts. It never ceases to amaze me how much you can get out onto the page, and where it's all actually interesting to read. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

As for a question (or two), what you say you your favorite thing to play on guitar is? Ever come up with anything original?

 

[Abnegation]

As an artist, I'm sure you've played with many different colors. Which one would you say is your favorite?

I have indeed, millions in fact. My favourite colours to work with are dark ones actually. I find them much easier on the eye. An example of what I enjoy to look at is #262626. If you ever open up Photoshop CS6 you'll see exactly what I like to play with.

I really admire how much thought you put into your posts. It never ceases to amaze me how much you can get out onto the page, and where it's all actually interesting to read. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

As for a question (or two), what you say you your favorite thing to play on guitar is? Ever come up with anything original?

First of all, thanks! I appreciate the sentiments.

My favourite tune to play is probably Le Onde, which is actually a composition originally written for piano, by a composer named "Ludovico Einaudi". I do enjoy to play some more up-tempo things, but as someone who primarily finger picks, and plays original stuff I don't care for it highly. So that answers some of your next question, I do write my own pieces, and hopefully I'll get around to recording them some day. I'm a pretty lazy guitarist though, I seem to only pick it up when I have time these days. I'd like to begin to make time for it.

 

[Sydian]

gavin how do you spell gavin??

WHAT SMOOTHIES DO YOU LIKE

 

[Fairy]

What sorts of things do you generally look for in art that you consider "beautiful"? Are there certain themes, elements, or even artists that resonate with you?

If a picture is indeed worth a thousand words, is there an image you feel best describes your personality?

 

[Abnegation]

Gavin, you seem like a person that self-reflects a lot. Would you say that you're currently happy in your position in life, that you've accomplished a lot up to this point, in other words? With that in mind, do you feel that what you have accomplished so far leave you confident for the future, or are you a person that is afraid of the future may hold, no matter what goals you reach?

Self-reflection is important, but there's a fine line between reflection and criticism. I feel that if you reflect too much it can be a bad thing. If you stop to think about every action you make, you're wasting the time thinking about the actions you could make.

I don't think I've accomplished much at all. Everyone has their niche, and if you don't find something you love with all your heart and soul, that you can put all your being into, and see results and say "I like it", you're lost. I'm still lost, I haven't found something to drive me.

gavin how do you spell gavin??

WHAT SMOOTHIES DO YOU LIKE

Gallant
Aristocrat
Valiant
Indefatigable
Nifty!

And I like vanilla best. Keep that in mind, I plan on having one with you some day!

What sorts of things do you generally look for in art that you consider "beautiful"? Are there certain themes, elements, or even artists that resonate with you?

If a picture is indeed worth a thousand words, is there an image you feel best describes your personality?

The kind of artwork I enjoy really varies. It goes from profound, and stunning, to the more simple kinds of artwork which I tend to prefer, understated, powerful. Things like this really impress me too, thinking outside the box, pushing the medium of digital art to its limits, and showing that digital artists are not "fake" and are just as challenged as traditional artists in their field.

I actually looked for ages just now, to try and find something... but I couldn't. Art is broad, it's impossible to know every emotion to fit with a piece, every stroke of the brush, ever thought that has gone into placement of colours, one piece of work wields the complexity of a spider web stretched across the universe. The human mind isn't much different, matching artwork to who I am, would be as difficult to me as giving birth. Others may more easily find something, however I don't believe I ever could. I will however give you some music which comes close.

 

[Sanguine]

Do you believe that you ever will find whatever will drive you in the future?

As a child, was there anything that you wanted to aspire to?

 

[moon]

If you saw me on a street, what would you do?

Also this is so beautiful... and you.

 

[Abnegation]

Do you believe that you ever will find whatever will drive you in the future?

As a child, was there anything that you wanted to aspire to?

I certainly hope so. I do not believe I will ever become myself fully or even reach my potential if I don't find something to drive me. At the same time, the desire to laugh, love, scream, shout, kiss, cry, run, jump...live, drives me as it stands. Anything more is a bonus, and all I can do is dream of some day being in a situation where I love every part of my life.

If you saw me on a street, what would you do?

Also this is so beautiful... and you.

The first time that I seen a celebrity on the street from my favourite TV show (Game of Thrones), I stopped and shook. I let them walk passed me and regretted it later. If I did the same for you, I reckon I'd spend every cent I had to ensure that I found you. As creepy as that sounds... I'd probably not say anything. I'd see you, smile, and hug you. Provided that you recognized me of course. Then I'd most likely bring you out for milkshakes/white hot chocolate before going shopping for crappy movies, pizza, and cola, duh!

It's a really nice piece, people have referred it to me as being something that reminds them of me. It kind of stuck and became something more for me really. Also I feel I answered this question really badly so forgive forgive.

I have to ask this.. xD;

Do you feel you're more eloquent of a speaker on the internet than irl? I'm totally asking this because the way your word your posts (as you've heard before) is like music and the diction and syntax use is amazing. @_@ I'm just curious, is all.

If I had just as much time to think about my sentences in real life, there would be literally no difference in how I present them, be it online or offline. However I don't think I often speak so fluidly offline. There's not a massive derivative, but it's natural to me to speak this way in any medium. At the same time, I'm the biggest contradiction you'll ever meet because I can be extremely lazy and laid back compared to how I word my more serious conversations and discussions. Really though, you over-estimate my ability at speaking :]

 

[Sydian]

omg it's happening i read things in your voice!

Do you feel proud of your new thread title, mm??

 

[Honest]

Gavvy, what does Abnegation mean? :3

 

[Treecko]

Hi Gavin! I can call you that right? Everyone else does so.

What inspires you as an artist to make art whether it's drawing, painting, graphic art,etc?

What got you interested into art?

Hardest song you can play on the guitar?

 

[moon]

The first time that I seen a celebrity on the street from my favourite TV show (Game of Thrones), I stopped and shook. I let them walk passed me and regretted it later. If I did the same for you, I reckon I'd spend every cent I had to ensure that I found you. As creepy as that sounds... I'd probably not say anything. I'd see you, smile, and hug you. Provided that you recognized me of course. Then I'd most likely bring you out for milkshakes/white hot chocolate before going shopping for crappy movies, pizza, and cola, duh!

I'd recognize you anywhere. And that sounds lovely!

What are your top five words?

 

[Abnegation]

omg it's happening i read things in your voice!

Do you feel proud of your new thread title, mm??

I feel proud of what it represents for sure! Also keep reading things in my voice, I do the same when I read your posts!

Gavvy, what does Abnegation mean? :3

In general, it simply means "self-denial". When I chose the username, it was at a time where I went through a lot of things in my life, which had led me to give up something I had loved for the benefit of others. At the same time, I had lost sight of who I was, like I had denied myself, like I did not know who I was. That had a massive impact on my life, and changed it. To this day, I do not know if it was for the better.

Hi Gavin! I can call you that right? Everyone else does so.

What inspires you as an artist to make art whether it's drawing, painting, graphic art,etc?

What got you interested into art?

Hardest song you can play on the guitar?

Sure can! Most people call me that anyway so it's perfectly cool.

Generally what inspires me most to do anything artistic is when I look at others' work. In saying that it can also be a massive hindrance on how much work I get done, because I tend to look at something and say "wow I wish I was that good" then give up. Inspiration comes so easily to me, the clouds in the sky to the view of a dank alley way can inspire me. Motivation is something I still struggle to hold on to however...

I started getting into art while on PC. I wanted to be a graphic artist like the others I seen, plain and simple. From there I found it enjoyable, and still consider myself a beginner.

I've been playing quite a while now, nearly half my life. However I play by ear, so a lot of what I do play is original or something I just come up with on the spot. I think about the wind, I think about how that sounds, and I play it. I think of water flowing, I play that. I think of sadness, happiness, love, despair, I just play the emotions, and what I believe them to be.

In saying that I do learn the occasional song, one I'm learning at the moment is Lewis & Clark by Tommy Emmanuel. It's pretty difficult I guess, but there's emotions I find more difficult to play.

I'd recognize you anywhere. And that sounds lovely!

What are your top five words?

What I tend to say most often would translate to stars here on PC. So I'll give you ones I enjoy to say or use; Synesthesia, Bed, Isengard (that counts right?), Intrinsic, Nature. Or just "kids get off my lawn".

 

[Treecko]

What made you change the title of this thread? What's the meaning behind it?

 

[Her]

Do you believe in a god/higher power?
What religion/religions are you most interested in?
Why does religion as a topic interest you?
As an ex-Catholic, I'm curious: what do you think about Catholicism?