All about sexuality

[Alexander Nicholi]

Question: why was it necessary here to point out that she's trans? I know my trans friends make a big deal over when people introduce them as trans or make it a part of their identity, as opposed to just "that girl". Why is it so important that she's trans that you have to add a modifier to her gender?

Ignoring it wouldn't make much sense either, considering the transgender female genital structure (once fixed) is very different from that of a normal human female. Aside from sexual things there's also a lot of social connection and relationship-building empathy to be found in such a thing, speaking from experience :p

And picking at noun nuances and terminology doesn't help much, either. Kind of adds to the problem.

 

[Magic Christmas Lights]

Question: why was it necessary here to point out that she's trans? I know my trans friends make a big deal over when people introduce them as trans or make it a part of their identity, as opposed to just "that girl". Why is it so important that she's trans that you have to add a modifier to her gender?

I kind of flinched when I read that section in their post. I'm sure the poster didn't mean anything negative by it. But yeah - someone who is transitioning or who has transitioned would be pretty thrilled to be referred to just as their gender, not as a trans version of their gender, if that makes sense.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

I kind of flinched when I read that section in their post. I'm sure the poster didn't mean anything negative by it. But yeah - someone who is transitioning or who has transitioned would be pretty thrilled to be referred to just as their gender, not as a trans version of their gender, if that makes sense.

Pointless differentiation is pointless. In the end I really think it amounts to null whether they were identified as trans or not, becuase… really, who cares?

 

[Oryx]

Pointless differentiation is pointless. In the end I really think it amounts to null whether they were identified as trans or not, becuase… really, who cares?

Well, the important thing is we have a cis person's opinion on how trans people should be referred to. I'll let my friends know that their preferences on how they want others to refer to them are pointless, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to know.

I asked because it's possible that the woman in question chooses to refer to herself that way, or that Kano is making a larger point about her sexual preferences by bringing the woman's gender identity into it. I didn't ask to hear the traditional "we can't just call them their gender, they're too DIFFERENT" cry from cis people. I know that would be incredibly offensive to my trans friends, who have often lamented people like you that are unable to just refer to them as women or men when they speak, because they decided their opinion is more important than the person they're talking about. I want the answer from the person that knows this woman, because her preferences may be different. Your opinion on what other people should refer to her as is irrelevant.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

Well, the important thing is we have a cis person's opinion on how trans people should be referred to. I'll let my friends know that their preferences on how they want others to refer to them are pointless, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to know.

Applying labels to everything only exacerbates and magnifies the problem. So.

I asked because it's possible that the woman in question chooses to refer to herself that way, or that Kano is making a larger point about her sexual preferences by bringing the woman's gender identity into it. I didn't ask to hear the traditional "we can't just call them their gender, they're too DIFFERENT" cry from cis people. I know that would be incredibly offensive to my trans friends, who have often lamented people like you that are unable to just refer to them as women or men when they speak, because they decided their opinion is more important than the person they're talking about. I want the answer from the person that knows this woman, because her preferences may be different.

Considering Kano hasn't even talked to her, wouldn't that rule out any possibility of her having any clue?

Edit: My apologies for only skimming your post:

people like you that are unable to just refer to them as women or men when they speak

How could I have possibly sustained a relationship with a transgendered female with that flaw, for three months?

Your opinion on what other people should refer to her as is irrelevant.

So my experience is thus null too, right? Hm.

 

[Oryx]

Applying labels to everything only exacerbates and magnifies the problem. So.


Considering Kano hasn't even talked to her, wouldn't that rule out any possibility of her having any clue?


So my experience is thus null too, right? Hm.

You hear things when you work with someone - I'm giving Kano the benefit of the doubt and asking instead of assuming. As far as your experience, as someone who is an ally like me, our role is to listen to those actually affected by the issue and support them, not to argue and call their views pointless because we decide we know better. I'm sure there are trans people who choose to have others preface their gender with trans every time; that doesn't bother me. This is why I asked. Note that I wasn't accusing, I was asking a question. The question was about one specific person and how she prefers to have people refer to her. You have no experience in this person's life. Therefore, your opinion is, once again, irrelevant.

For the record, my only opinion is that you should refer to a person the way they want you to, and that of the half dozen of so trans people I know, they all agree that they wish to be seen as simply their gender, without the trans- qualifier. Therefore, absent any personal wishes of the individual in question, I would assume the same. Of course if she has personal wishes on that front that clash with that rule of thumb people should defer to her wishes - which is why I asked Kano what made her use that terminology.

Edit to your edit: Hey, you're the one who reaponded to "trans people should be referred to as what they want to be referred to, which includes removing trans- from their gender if they wish" with a dismissal, not me. How you handle your own relationships with that opinion is your problem, not mine.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

You hear things when you work with someone - I'm giving Kano the benefit of the doubt and asking instead of assuming. As far as your experience, as someone who is an ally like me, our role is to listen to those actually affected by the issue and support them, not to argue and call their views pointless because we decide we know better.

Ally? Huh? Anyway, the latter seems to be much of what you just did, and I sought to point that out. You know, calling them out on their usage of the word 'transgirl' as politically incorrect isn't far from that. I should probably check my privilege, huh?

Note that I wasn't accusing, I was asking a question.

Implications are a beautiful thing, aren't they?

You have no experience in this person's life. Therefore, your opinion is, once again, irrelevant.

Uh… would I?

For the record, my only opinion is that you should refer to a person the way they want you to, and that of the half dozen of so trans people I know, they all agree that they wish to be seen as simply their gender, without the trans- qualifier. Therefore, absent any personal wishes of the individual in question, I would assume the same.

The outcome of this reminds me so much of this, I couldn't help but laugh and dig it up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcfyqO-8JoI&t=30s

Of course if she has personal wishes on that front that clash with that rule of thumb people should defer to her wishes - which is why I asked Kano what made her use that terminology.

She wouldn't know anything about her wishes to begin with, and also it's kind of nice to know if someone is trans to help along with telling a story since it's additional useful information for identifying with the person and what they're saying. Could you think of a better way to do that than how she did?

Edit to your edit: Hey, you're the one who reaponded to "trans people should be referred to as what they want to be referred to, which includes removing trans- from their gender if they wish" with a dismissal, not me. How you handle your own relationships with that opinion is your problem, not mine.

Gee, it was a problem? When did I dismiss it?

 

[Kano Shuuya]

Question: why was it necessary here to point out that she's trans? I know my trans friends make a big deal over when people introduce them as trans or make it a part of their identity, as opposed to just "that girl". Why is it so important that she's trans that you have to add a modifier to her gender?

Aaah yeaaahh, I don't typically refer to people "transgender", because that's like saying it's a third gender.. which.. it's.. not. :/

I identified as a guy for a few years myself, or thought that's what I was, and I literally went to see a transgender therapist and so on. Sooo I do know not to point out / introduce someone as hey "eeeeey this is my friend. she's trans btw. 8D", or else you really offend people. Though, for the sake of this topic I pointed it out, because I do know some people who won't date someone if they're transgender. I also know a lot of people who are transgender, and they're constantly afraid that people won't fall for them because of it. So. idk. Yeah, I just felt it made sense, given the topic, to mention such.

 

[Oryx]

Aaah yeaaahh, I don't typically refer to people "transgender", because that's like saying it's a third gender.. which.. it's.. not. :/

I identified as a guy for a few years myself, or thought that's what I was, and I literally went to see a transgender therapist and so on. Sooo I do know not to point out / introduce someone as hey "eeeeey this is my friend. she's trans btw. 8D", or else you really offend people. Though, for the sake of this topic I pointed it out, because I do know some people who won't date someone if they're transgender. I also know a lot of people who are transgender, and they're constantly afraid that people won't fall for them because of it. So. idk. Yeah, I just felt it made sense, given the topic, to mention such.

Okay! Thanks for the clarification. :)

 

[Dreg]

I'm a genderfluid, and have been since the age of 16. Not set on fully male or female, but in between. I would say there is an equal boundary between the two.