Best friend, or significant other?

Nick

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    • Seen May 9, 2024
    Throughout my life, I've always had one best friend at a time. And that person was never my significant other. If you're lucky enough to have such a close relationship with your significant other that you also consider him or her to be your best friend, then you don't have this problem. But for the most part, I've found that the majority of people I know tend to have a different best friend than they do girlfriend or boyfriend. If you're in that group of people, how do you juggle your relationships with arguably the two most important people in your life, outside of family? Do you find it difficult? Are they understanding of each other? Do they like each other? Did your best friends' validation of your potential girlfriend or boyfriend matter to you in the beginning stages of your relationship with him or her? If you're faced with a decision when you have to choose between the two of them, who do you generally choose?
     
    Hate to say it, but most of my closest friends... I have dated at some point. For me it just sort of happens. I'm still really good friends with most of my ex's, save for some. It's weird for a time, yes, but once the weirdness settles, I just sort of miss that person. When my last ex and I ended things it was last spring. We stopped talking for a while, and then this last fall I texted her and was like "So hi" basically said that I missed talking and being friends. She said laughed and said the same thing and how she's been wanting to do that for a long time. Hell, we even talk to each other about our current relationships and give each other advice.

    I say you need friendship as the basis for any romantic relationship. For me and my current SO we're going on six months now so there's still new things I learn about her every day, and I love it. She's becoming a best friend.

    Though I do have one friend that I probably wouldn't function without. We're like brother and sister. I told him if I ever got married, he's my best man. Seriously, I can't imagine my life without the guy. We've been best friends for ten years. If he doesn't like my significant other, I very well might consider not dating them. He was the first person I came out to, before my family even. The guy's my best friend and I'm pretty sure I'm closer to him than my own family.
     
    All of my closest friends are male, so, yeah, i've never dated any of them :P

    As for significant others, none of my relationships have lasted long enough to really be able to call them best friends. Most of them ended on sour notes, so i'm only in contact with a couple of them, and even then we don't speak often.

    There's a girl i've known since childhood, like since we were both 9 or 10, we lived across the road from eachother. We've done stuff with eachother in the past but never "officially" dated, we're still really good friends, stay in regular contact and and see eachother from time to time, but she now has a boyfriend who she's very happy with, and i'm pleased for her. I think we both agreed after a certain amount of time that having grown up with eachother and being so close, that it would be weird if we started going out.
     
    Yeah, my girlfriend is my best friend. So, I guess this doesn't apply to me as much.
    However, when we first started dating I did hang out with my other friends quite frequently which is weird to think about now.
     
    I haven't been in a relationship in quite some time so I really don't have a response for this. There have been a few times in the past though where I have dated a close friend and at the time of us dating I would consider them my closest friend, but not my best friend if that makes sense!
     
    I've had my fair share of going through multiple best friends during elementary, middle, and high school; the longest one being 6 years, which spanned from the later years of elementary to the early years of high school. Parents loved her enough that when she moved up the escarpment, we followed along. But in terms of my ex-boyfriend during high school, he got along with my group of friends generally well; we always hung out with each other, just the two of us, so there actually wasn't too many interactions between ourselves, and the opposite groups \: My best friend at the time was someone who I communicated with every day, had lunch together, were badminton partners, etc. so they didn't have any problems between each other.

    At the moment, the closest individual who I would consider my best friend would be the person whom I currently have a crush on. It only seems natural to be best friends at this point because of the numerous mutual interests that we share, and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him since our friendship was built on this foundation of mutual respect that we have for each other, which is always nice. So I guess, I'd much rather have a potential significant other that evolved from our friendship rather than just picking anyone off the street. It takes time for me to become emotionally invested in someone, and to build a solid relationship with them.

    To be honest though, I'd have a rather hard time juggling a significant other, and a best friend if they didn't like each other...
     
    I myself have have a best friend (well, two. The second was my best friend, then we saw something in each other, now we're back to being best friends.). I think it's important to, depending on who you are, to have a significant other and a true best friend. A best friend that you don't have romantic feelings for and can have fun doing anything with, and a significant other that you can share more of an attachment with, for lack of a better way to describe it.
     
    I've never really had a significant other, just a lot of insignificant others, so I've never run into this problem, but it's actually something that's always worried me about the notion of being in a relationship. I don't know how I'd juggle it because I really don't want to be one of those people whose relationships with their friends change the second a guy walks on the scene, but at the same time I wouldn't want him to feel neglected because I'm trying to prove a point that I'm not one of those people.
     
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