Cutting friendships, and how it feels.

[WhiteKnightL]

I figured this would be the best place to post this. How do you feel when one of your friendships end? Do they normally stay away from you, or you from them? And are you the one that usually ends them, or is it other people that end a friendship with you?

Here's my story:

Spoiler:

I have/had two friends at work. I've grown to like one a lot (I'll refer to her as #1) while the other is a newer employee (I'll refer to her as #2 here). Eventually I realized that the two of them were friends from school and in a way I was glad.

#2 and I would hang out almost every weekend until the day we had a disagreement. Ever since I told her how I felt on certain topics (I'm Catholic, after all) she kept her distance. She would still sit with me during our breaks but would no longer contribute to any conversation I tried to start. Break time would be quiet. But since we both have a Facebook account, she began to post about how she no longer wanted to keep her mouth shut (I guess metaphorically since she never actually spoke to me after some time) and began posting anti-government crap, conspiracy theories, and the like (from an Alex Jones page, mostly). Despite me being bothered by this - and her knowing it - I continued to keep my mouth shut because I believed she just needed to cool off from our ONE disagreement we had actually discussed. Nothing was going to end this friendship, or so I thought.

One night I decide to go outside from the lounge (where #2 would normally sit with me) and hang out with another friend (a smoker, which explains why I went outside). A day later, #2 texts me telling me that ever since she posted all those conspiracy theories on Facebook, I started drifting apart, and used me going outside away from her as an example. I finally snapped and told her that I had always respected what she believed in, and it was her PETTY excuse (our very first disagreement) and her keeping her distance because of it that there was any friction in our friendship. Twisting my words, she then said that if I thought her personal problems were petty then I shouldn't talk to her at all. I pointed out yet again that I was talking about our disagreement - and not her problems - but since she never mentioned our disagreement she thought that was a lie. So there went that friendship.

Now we go to #1. My crush. After the incident with #2, #1 and I talked more. We would talk every now and then and yet I was too scared to confess my feelings. As I went through this, #2 never unfriended me and continued with her crap on Facebook, and attempted so many times to call me out but never succeeded. I guess she got tired at one point, posted how childish some people could be, and finally unfriended me a few hours later. I thought it was finally over.

I was wrong. It was at some point after that where #1 suddenly stopped talking to me. She'd go on with business as usual but unless I found her there was no way for me to reach her. Our most recent conversation ended with her saying "meh" after I asked her how she was doing. Even on Facebook, she'd ignore anything I said and replied to others in haste.

My first and only guess at this time is that #2 told her what happened between us, feigned innocence, and twisted the story in her favor. And them being high school friends would mean that I'd end up in a losing predicament. And with me having no other way to reach her, there's not much I can do.

Based on my story and past relationships, people are likely to stay away from me. What about you? Feel free to post any stories you may have, though it's not necessary.

 

[Auticorn]

All the time. I've lost a ton of my best friends, and it hurts for a while. Things have gotten a lot better for me though. I'm much stronger than I used to be now. I really don't want to go into detail, so I won't. ^_^

 

[WhiteKnightL]

It can hurt because it turns out we're loyal to the wrong people. I felt hurt plenty of times, but I just persevere and remember words from the Bible for encouragement. Sweet memories can be heart-wrenching, though. They always get me.

 

[Orifiel]

It's hard, really. But I would be gladly share it to you.

Spoiler:

When I was in Age 8 and this particular event happened. I never really like having friends, I think they're just a bunch of People who makes my life more complicated. But when I look outside my window, I always see there smile at there faces. It's by the time I felt loneliness. I've got no choice but to put aside my thoughts and start being a normal kid once in a while. So, I've decided to talk to them. I give them my best greetings, and they kinda look at each other and laughed. So my mind was like "I knew it, they're just messing with me." But one of there friend took my hand and shake it and said her name was Mozumi. So, there's only three of them, but only Mizumi is the Person I can get along with. She told me about her enjoyment memories and the sudden event in her past. She was like an angel, a very kind person I've ever met in my life. I knew she won't be different. Years past, she met new friends at her school, because of Mozumi's beauty, the oh so called "Popular" dragged her to there friends and gave her new friends as well. Days passed, I asked her if we can hang out but she passed and said kinda like "I'm busy with my new friends, my be next time, Yoruichi." That gave me bad feeling, giving her new friends and leaving me alone again. So, the day after that, I spoke to her if we can be bestfriends and you know what she said? "I don't like hanging around People like you, there's no fun at all but talk." I realized that the influence gave by her new friends turning herself into a jerk. It's really bad, how I felt, I thought she wouldn't change and our friendship is at strongest bond. Yet, she chose the Popular than her childhood friend. That event obviously broke our friendship and I never spoke to her again. My choice? yet again, friends are not something you need to have.

And that's about it if you read it, I would say friends are important.
Building each other's trust is one of the rule of friendships. but..
is it really friends are something you have to have?

 

[WhiteKnightL]

It's hard, really. But I would be gladly share it to you.

Spoiler:

When I was in Age 8 and this particular event happened. I never really like having friends, I think they're just a bunch of People who makes my life more complicated. But when I look outside my window, I always see there smile at there faces. It's by the time I felt loneliness. I've got no choice but to put aside my thoughts and start being a normal kid once in a while. So, I've decided to talk to them. I give them my best greetings, and they kinda look at each other and laughed. So my mind was like "I knew it, they're just messing with me." But one of there friend took my hand and shake it and said her name was Mozumi. So, there's only three of them, but only Mizumi is the Person I can get along with. She told me about her enjoyment memories and the sudden event in her past. She was like an angel, a very kind person I've ever met in my life. I knew she won't be different. Years past, she met new friends at her school, because of Mozumi's beauty, the oh so called "Popular" dragged her to there friends and gave her new friends as well. Days passed, I asked her if we can hang out but she passed and said kinda like "I'm busy with my new friends, my be next time, Yoruichi." That gave me bad feeling, giving her new friends and leaving me alone again. So, the day after that, I spoke to her if we can be bestfriends and you know what she said? "I don't like hanging around People like you, there's no fun at all but talk." I realized that the influence gave by her new friends turning herself into a jerk. It's really bad, how I felt, I thought she wouldn't change and our friendship is at strongest bond. Yet, she chose the Popular than her childhood friend. That event obviously broke our friendship and I never spoke to her again. My choice? yet again, friends are not something you need to have.

And that's about it if you read it, I would say friends are important.
Building each other's trust is one of the rule of friendships. but..
is it really friends are something you have to have?

Not necessarily, but they can make your day a little brighter. Having someone to talk to - be it your friends or even family - when you're down and unsure what to do can really help. There are sorts of things you could do, depending on interests. It shouldn't matter if there's not much to do, even best friends can have the most fun just by talking.

Love and kindness make everything better. And they're even more effective when they're shared.

 

[TY]

I have lost a lot of friends over time, irl aswell as on PC.

There were moments i was just down for a long time, and there also were moments i just got over it and forgot about them. There were moments i just cannot describe how hard it was to get over it.

I usually am the person that stays away from them. I feel like just not seeing them again is the best solution

 

[IggyKoopa]

I don't have a whole lot of drama in my life, so most of the cut friendships were just them moving away and me finding out about it a few days later. It's annoying, but not too bad.

 

[Meganium]

Spoiler:

One of the best friendships I've had in the past was made right here on PC. He was my pair of 2 years. To be honest, I was completely devastated when he simply decided that he would never wanted to be friends with me, only because of my stupid anxiety disorder. Yeah, at that time I was mentally ill and all I wanted to do was to be alone and I was in need of help immediately. I thought spilling my feelings towards him would help me a bit but he never showed any sympathy whatsover. Not even a "No worries, Megan, you'll get through it". Instead of being there for me, he kept on getting away from me every time. That's what really hurt me because I kind of counted on him. I cared for the guy so much and now I feel like crap.

Back then we had a solid bond. We had a lot of things in common and we even had plans on visiting each other. Now it ain't going to happen and I blame myself for it.

I hate cutting off friendships. I only do so when someone offends me to the point that I just don't see it going anywhere. I lost a good one recently, but the one in my spoiler is the one I truly miss the most and I wish I'd take it all back and start over. I try so hard to keep my friendships together, really. But sometimes when things like this happen, I always ask myself if I ever was a good friend to people.

 

[WhiteKnightL]

I have lost a lot of friends over time, irl aswell as on PC.

There were moments i was just down for a long time, and there also were moments i just got over it and forgot about them. There were moments i just cannot describe how hard it was to get over it.

I usually am the person that stays away from them. I feel like just not seeing them again is the best solution

As far as being down goes, I have felt the same way. Sometimes it's hard to believe it ended, while other times it just feels like they disappointed you. The latter usually pisses me off more than anything, as it was in my most recent case.

And yeah, sometimes it's hard to get over someone you truly cared for. It took me months to get over someone I truly loved, then I realized she doesn't want me around much. It's at that point where it's best to get over it, lest you be hurt some more.

I don't have a whole lot of drama in my life, so most of the cut friendships were just them moving away and me finding out about it a few days later. It's annoying, but not too bad.

No calls or anything beforehand? o.O Man, that sucks. Do you do a lot of moving as well or have you lived in the same place for a long time?

Spoiler:

One of the best friendships I've had in the past was made right here on PC. He was my pair of 2 years. To be honest, I was completely devastated when he simply decided that he would never wanted to be friends with me, only because of my stupid anxiety disorder. Yeah, at that time I was mentally ill and all I wanted to do was to be alone and I was in need of help immediately. I thought spilling my feelings towards him would help me a bit but he never showed any sympathy whatsover. Not even a "No worries, Megan, you'll get through it". Instead of being there for me, he kept on getting away from me every time. That's what really hurt me because I kind of counted on him. I cared for the guy so much and now I feel like crap.

Back then we had a solid bond. We had a lot of things in common and we even had plans on visiting each other. Now it ain't going to happen and I blame myself for it.

I hate cutting off friendships. I only do so when someone offends me to the point that I just don't see it going anywhere. I lost a good one recently, but the one in my spoiler is the one I truly miss the most and I wish I'd take it all back and start over. I try so hard to keep my friendships together, really. But sometimes when things like this happen, I always ask myself if I ever was a good friend to people.

Sometimes we see ourselves as failures. But in your case it was because of your disorder. If that was the case, it wasn't entirely your fault. As I told ShadowExcadrill, I've met people who sometimes just wouldn't give me the time of day, even when I truly needed them. It's kind of hard to accept, but sometimes only you can make yourself happy. Meeting the right people and sticking with them is part of that, too. And yes, spilling your feelings can help. When people feel burdened with their own problems, sometimes what they need is someone to listen to them.

Hopefully the two of you can reconcile someday. And if not, then surely you can find more. We can learn from past lessons, and apply what we learned when the situation presents itself.

 

[TY]

As far as being down goes, I have felt the same way. Sometimes it's hard to believe it ended, while other times it just feels like they disappointed you. The latter usually pisses me off more than anything, as it was in my most recent case.

And yeah, sometimes it's hard to get over someone you truly cared for. It took me months to get over someone I truly loved, then I realized she doesn't want me around much. It's at that point where it's best to get over it, lest you be hurt some more.

I have had the same, but instead of a friendship, it was a relationship, which makes it even worse imo.
Still i agree with you, and thats what i did, i got over it and just went my own way (which resulted into me being a lot around new parts of PC and having loads of new good friends)

 

[Jin Of The Gale]

I've lost a lot of good friends. Some of them thought it'd be nice to stab me from behind my back even though I was there to help them in their time of need. Not going into detail on that one. I stopped talking to them after their true colours were shown and moved on. It was a little difficult at first, but then I realised that being depressed about the end of those friendships was just a waste of time. I still spend some time helping people and I really enjoy the company of the people I talk to every day.

@Meganium90, I don't think you should be blaming yourself for what happened between you and the aforementioned friend. If he can't be there for you when he is needed or at least have the decency to listen to what you have to say and help you feel better, then he's not someone worth caring for in my opinion. Friendship is not a one-sided relationship, that's not how it works. I do hope the two of you reconcile again in the future.

 

[Mimosa_song]

I got used a lot growing up with relationships online and in real life. I try never to end them but If I feel there no effort or love and care towards me then I will try and respectfully end it. I got taken advantage for my learning issues and things I had. I truly am myself and I guess most people don't like that. Over time I am careful who I talk too and try to take it slow to get to know them.

For PC I talk to people though not sure if there friends with me yet. I have no problems with others on here. Over all I don't like ending things but if I have to I will. Some people left me for reasons I don't know or what I listed. Last on In real life really hurt me. I cared for them and was there for them but when I needed help or comfort they lied and did not help. Very negative they got over time and made excuses to not hang out with me. I very honest and caring to all people. Just sometimes wish people can give me a chance sometimes.

 

[WhiteKnightL]

@Jin, it's nice to see that the ways of certain people hasn't stopped you from appreciating good company. The way I see it, we gain new friends in time after losing some old ones, no matter the reason.

@Mimosa, it can be hard for some people to accept others. Some just don't want to get hurt thanks to past experiences, while others can be the way described from your experience. But through perseverance and patience, new friends arrive and be there to stay. Don't let others affect the way you are.

As for everyone else, I feel like Befriending you all ^^ Maybe through here we can all be friends as well.

 

[Darkroman]

I've lost touch with a few people in the past based on some BS drama issues, but I've always had 5 main friends. Even when there's drama between us we stick through it after a cool off period and always bounce back. I feel blessed to have them.

I guess I'll tell one story of a failed friendship.

Spoiler:

So this ex-friend of mine was pretty fun and we had some decent times, but it wasn't until we played some trivia game with her family (forgot what it was called) where one would hum a tune, say a line from a movie, and what not and you'd have to guess what it was. Anyway, I was humming a tune and then her jackass of a brother put down my humming ability by saying "OMG dude you really suck at humming" with a disgusted look on his face. I just looked at him with a blank stare and said "Well, I'm not exactly trying out for humming idol now, Simon Cowell." At which point, he got offended by that remark and my ex-friend, defending her brother, blatantly said "Shutup, you do suck at humming!". Now at this point, I got pretty upset because 1. she yelled at me, and 2. Telling me to shutup blatantly in a commanding manner really pisses me off, especially if I'm being interrupted, which at that point in time I wasn't being interrupted, but still pissed me off to no end. So I just told her and her family "Well, since I can't play the game, I'll just leave now." and I kept my cool as I was leaving. I think it's been 4 years and we're friends on facebook, but if anything now I consider her an 'acquaintance'.

As long as people don't piss me off to no end and don't ruin fun for everyone (not just for me, but for people in a group), it's all good.

 

[Sirfetch’d]

I can't stand cutting friendships and is something that I will go as for out of my way as needed to prevent. I am a person who becomes very attached to my friends and become really emotional when these friendships end. One of my few friends from high school left the country shortly after graduation and we haven't talked since. I dearly miss him and would do anything to have him back.

 

[Broken_Arrow]

i've learned that..the effort you need is the best you do for keeping a friendship or a relationship in general...what's important is what you do...i do my best because i don't like to regret so when i lose something i say at least i gave the best i can.

i admit i'm a bad friend but i don't give up on people or just turn my back and walk away...i lost lots of friends but it was their choice to go...the ones who really care either way will never leave you so i'm not sad for what i lost..i just hate the winding and turnover i like when people are clear.

 

[Star-Lord]

You have to learn to cut toxic people out of your life without regrets imo. It was a skill that took me an incredibly long time but now I don't even feel bad about it. I'm looking out for myself, and if I don't like somebody I really don't have to spend time with them, even if I considered them a best friend or the like.

 

[Kyrul]

It's hard to cut friends, and it never does get easier. But, it's always going to happen. Friends come and go like how the freakin' seasons change.

 

[Nick]

I've never cut a friendship. I think I'd feel way too guilty if I ever did something like that, no matter what that person did to me to deserve it. I've had friendships end naturally, just like everyone else in the world, and that's really the only way that my friendships have ended. But when they end that way, do they ever really end at all? Something to think about.

 

[Tsutarja]

The only time I've had to cut a friendship is when they just move on and away from me (like literally move away).. other than that, I can't seem to recall cutting a friendship, unless they're the ones who cut it from me, for no apparent reason. Cutting friendships is not something I enjoy doing, considering how I've never cut one before, especially for ones that have lived on for a while.