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Emily's Pokemon Adventure Sinnoh

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ProtrainerEon

Ultimate Trainer
322
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17
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    • Seen Jun 11, 2021
    My pleasure to help out. I'm glad to see you're willing to accept my review, and I'll be sticking around wishing your fic many more improved chapters to come!

    See? We reviewers aren't mean, and most of us write ourselves, so we can relate to writing hardships. However, some reviews sound harsh because the reviewer doesn't want your fic to be bad and is trying to help.

    Not to say some people aren't just plain rude, using constructive criticism as a crutch for 99 percent criticism and 1 percent less intense criticism with some corrections. XD I hate when reviewers do that.
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • yeah i'm gonna try and post the next chapter sometime this weeked went to visit my friend, you know, the one who cracked his head open? and i'm gonna try and make this story better :)
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • Chapter 20

    I waited a few days and cleared my head, so here it is, chapter 20!

    They all ran down the rocky path to Hearthome City. Seth suddenly stopped at the end and everyone behind him almost fell over. Seth gazed upon Hearthome City.

    "Wow," Seth said gazing at the buildings of beautiful Hearthome City.

    "What are we waiting for!" Jared shouted. "Let's go!" Jared and the others ran into Hearthome City.

    "Hey look! There's thecontest hall!" Brendan pointed out looking at the large colourful dome.

    They all aproached the pokemon center as the doors slid open and they walked in. No one was there, except them, Nurse Joy, and a Blissey.

    "Oh, Hello" Nurse Joy said looking at the group. "I'm surprised to see a group of trainers here"

    "Why? Don't trainers always come here?" Emily asked.

    "No, after they do what they needed to do, they press on to the next town" Nurse Joy explained.

    "So that must be the reason why this place is dead," Brendan said observing the Blissey.

    "Not in those terms exactly, but yes" Nurse Joy said a little annoyed at Brendan's comment. "Can I get anything for you?"

    "Some food would be great," Macey said.

    "Alright, Blissey and I will prepare some food for you and your pokemon." Nurse Joy said as she walked into another room.

    Everyone let their pokemon come out. Brendan's Absol sat at Brendan's feet, while Seth's Absol was running around the pokemon center with Macey's Umbreon and Espeon, and Emily's Combusken, Mudkip, and Treecko.

    Jared's Mawile stayed in its pokeball, same with Regice. A few moments later, Nurse Joy and Blissey walked in with trays of food for them and their pokemon. Blissey was so excited that she almost dropped the trays of food on Brendan and his Absol.

    But the trays were set down on the table and everyone began eating. They all finished and helped clean and wash the dishes.

    "Brendan, aren't you gonna help?" Seth asked drying a dish.

    Brendan stuck his hand out. "No way, I get enough of chores at home, that's why I left" Brendan said.

    Everyone walked out waving good-bye to Nurse Joy and Blissey. They pressed on to go deeper in Hearthome City. Brendan looked around.

    "Don't tell me, there isn't a gym here either?" Brendan moaned.

    "Nope, just the contest hall" Seth said. "You should try competing in contests too, Brendan."

    "Sure, why not." Brendan said shrugging. They approached the contest hall and entered through the glass doors.

    Seth and the rest walked up to the counter.

    "Can I register for this contest still?" Seth asked.

    "You are just in time! You can still register for this contest" the lady at the counter said registering Seth for the contest.

    "And me too?" Brendan asked.

    "Of course," the lady said registering Brendan into the computer. "And here are your seals" handing Seth and Brendan two stickers.

    "What the hecks a seal?" Brendan asked looking at his.

    "My mom told me about these, you put them on your pokeball, and when you throw it, your pokemon make a dazzling appearence." Seth explained.

    They all walked by where the practice area is. Seth took out a pokeball and placed the seal on it and threw it. Tiny bits of blue confetti filled the air as Glaceon appeared.

    "See, simple as that" Seth said catching the pokeball.

    "Oh I get it" Brendan said placing the seal on a pokeball. Brendan threw the pokeball. Shimmering bubbles spiraled into the air, then poped revealing Swampert. "That is the coolest thing I have ever done with a pokeball" Brendan said catching the ball.

    "Lets see, how can I show Glaceon's true beauty" Seth said pacing back and forth in front of Glaceon. "I know, Glaceon, Blizzard!" Glaceon let off a Blizzard that shimmered in the sunlight. "Now, Ice Beam!" Glaceon shot its Ice Beam into the Blizzard, as the Ice Beam faded, shimmering bits of ice appeared in the sky.

    "Thanks, Seth, now I have an idea for Swampert!" Brendan said clutching his fist. "Alright Swampert, Bubble Beam into the sky!" Swampert shot bubbles into the sky that shimmered beneath the sun. "Now, Whrilpool!" the Whirlpool engulfed the bubbles and broke apart into glittering droplets of water.

    "I think were ready" Brendan and Seth said together. Glaceon and Swampert cried happily.

    The contest arrived and the stands were packed. "Okay! The winner of the contest gets this!" the MC said holding up a ribbon "The Hearthome City Contest Ribbon!" First up is Brendan!"

    Brendan came running out. He threw the pokeball. Bubbles spiraled into the air then popped to reveal Swampert under the shimmering glow of the popped bubbles. "Alright Swampert, Bubble Beam!" Brendan shouted confidently. Swampert shot bubbles skyward into the light. "Now use Whirlpool!" Swampert's Whirlpool engulfed the bubbles. As the Whirlpool broke apart, water droplets shimmered under the light.

    "What a dazzling performance!" the MC said with a smile on her face. Brendan awaited the results from the judges.

    "A beautiful way to show off Swampert's bubble beam and whirlpool attacks" Nurse Joy said.

    "A dazzling performance" the other said.

    "And don't forget, Remarkable!" the last said. Brendan walked behind where everyone else was.

    "That was great Brendan" Seth said. "But Glaceon and I are gonna do better!"

    "We'll see about that" Brendan said grinning. The other coordinators went, then it was Seth's turn.

    Seth ran out and threw the pokeball. Blue confetti filled the air and Glaceon appeared.

    "Okay Glaceon, Blizzard!" Glaceon's Blizzard filled the arena with a chilling breeze. "Great Glaceon, now Ice Beam!" Glaceon shot the Ice Beam into the Blizzard, as the Ice Beam expanded then finally broke apart, glittering bits of ice filled the air. Glaceon shimmered in the light.

    "Wow! What a sparkling performance by Seth and Glaceon!" the MC said.

    "Beautiful!" Nurse Joy said.

    "A great way to show the bond between pokemon and trainer!" the other said.

    "Remarkable!" the last said. Seth walked behind where the others were.

    "Looks like were going onto the next round" Seth said looking down at Glaceon. They awaitted the results. Both Brendan and Seth made it to the second round.

    "Yes!" both boys shouted. Emily took another look at the screen and saw Drew's picture.

    "Looks like Drew is here," Emily pointed out. Everyone turned to the screen. Seth got a firey look in his eye.

    Now's my chance to beat this guy once and for all. Seth thought. The battle pairs were made.

    Seth was facing Drew, and Brendan was facing some guy named Devin.

    Seth and Drew were up first. Seth threw the pokeball and Gallade came out.

    Drew threw and rose and then a pokeball and Roselia came out.

    "Gallade, Drain Punch!" Seth shouted. Gallade ran twoards Roselia with one of its arms above his head. Gallade went to hit Roselia, but Roselia jumped out of the way.

    "Roselia, Petal Dance!" Drew ordered. Gallade turned around to see Roselia and flower petals spiraling twoards it. Gallade crossed its arms. The spiral of petals cut against Gallade's arms.

    "Gallade, Psycho Cut!" Seth yelled. Gallade's arms glowed a bright purple. Gallade jumped up and cut Roselia with it's blade like arms. Roselia fell to the ground. Roselia got up.

    "Roselia, Magical Leaf!" Drew shouted. From the flowers on Roselia's hands, glowing leaves shot at Gallade.

    Seth paniced. "Gallade, Shadow Ball!" Gallade made a large shadow ball. It colided with Roselia's Magical Leaf and exploded. Smoke filled the arena.

    The time on the clock hit zero. Both trainers standing there, awaiting to see who would be victorious.


    Chapter 21 to come by Tuesday!
     

    Ninja Caterpie

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  • Well, I saw a lot of saids there, too...
    Lol...the "Remarkable!" guy again...
    "Gallade, Psycho Cut!" Seth yelled. Gallade's arms glowed a bright purple. Gallade jumped up and cut Roselia with it's blade like arms. Roselia fell to the ground. Roselia got up.
    What in the...
    That last part was so short it hurt.
    You could have described it like
    "Roselia fell to the ground from the blow. IT slowly got up, flinching with the pain of the cuts."
    Well, spelling mistakes are still in there...:P
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • Well, I saw a lot of saids there, too...
    Lol...the "Remarkable!" guy again...
    What in the...
    That last part was so short it hurt.
    You could have described it like
    "Roselia fell to the ground from the blow. IT slowly got up, flinching with the pain of the cuts."
    Well, spelling mistakes are still in there...:P

    okay, next time i'll type it on Microsoft word, do spell/grammar check THEN post it. I think the Remarkable Man is annoying. He says that to performances that sucked too.

    "That performnce wasn't remarkable!" so annoying! And don't worry, i'll do better with Chapter 21!

    And that clear your head thing really helped. I drew a little durring the week thinking about the story and BAM! Chapter 20 was born! lol.

    I hope I can do better in the next chapter. And I have my friend reviewing this too even though he isn't signed up here. He said everytime someone finds something wrong with my story, I have to give him one of my good pokemon for on of his bad pokemon. So i need to shape up! Next to go is Dialga! :(
     

    Ninja Caterpie

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  • What's so good about Dialga?
    Anyway, no one is perfect. Every story has mistakes.

    PS. I only noticed!
    You don't say "Hoennshipper" anymore.
    You're a PearlxKenny type person now!
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
    2,430
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  • What's so good about Dialga?
    Anyway, no one is perfect. Every story has mistakes.

    PS. I only noticed!
    You don't say "Hoennshipper" anymore.
    You're a PearlxKenny type person now!

    yeah, i think they are the cutest, but my dialga is at lv 100 and i am undefeated with it
     

    trivium

    pokemon trainer
    39
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  • confusion

    ok there is something that is really confusing me. Firstly the title of the story says Hoenn but it appears to be Sinnoh where it takes place, and in the first chapeter you kept switching between Prof Rowan and Prof Birch which are two completely different people. Just saying you may want to have a look at that for future stories and such.

    that's pretty much it, but it's a good story I like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     

    Cynic Kaka

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  • This story's getting too confusing, too fast...

    If May and Ash are Seth's parents, wouldn't that mean they'd be like 38?

    So, why in the seven hells are Brendan and Drew 15 and 16?!?!
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • This story's getting too confusing, too fast...

    If May and Ash are Seth's parents, wouldn't that mean they'd be like 38?

    So, why in the seven hells are Brendan and Drew 15 and 16?!?!

    what are you talking about? and no Brendan and Drew aren't 15 and 16. The Drew character your thinking of isn't the Drew character in the story. I have a friend named Drew.
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • ok there is something that is really confusing me. Firstly the title of the story says Hoenn but it appears to be Sinnoh where it takes place, and in the first chapeter you kept switching between Prof Rowan and Prof Birch which are two completely different people. Just saying you may want to have a look at that for future stories and such.

    that's pretty much it, but it's a good story I like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I tried to change the title but it wouldn't let me, hope that clears things up! and thanks!
     

    ProtrainerEon

    Ultimate Trainer
    322
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    • Seen Jun 11, 2021
    I know we shouldn't assume it's the show's character Drew, but you could at least let us know you're talking about a different Drew (since you know there is already a trainer with that name). Also, double post.

    Lastly, how are you gonna explain switching professors?

    Firstly the title of the story says Hoenn but it appears to be Sinnoh where it takes place, and in the first chapeter you kept switching between Prof Rowan and Prof Birch which are two completely different people.
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • I know we shouldn't assume it's the show's character Drew, but you could at least let us know you're talking about a different Drew (since you know there is already a trainer with that name). Also, double post.

    Lastly, how are you gonna explain switching professors?

    I guess I missed a few in the 1st chapter, I'll try and go back and fix it today. Oh and sorry for the delay on Chapter 21 promise it will be here by the end of the week ;)
     

    Saltare.

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  • Chapter 21

    Hope this makes up for the mistakes I made in the past

    The smoke cleared. Gallade stood tall with cuts and scrapes all over its body. Roselia was on the ground, brused and still. Drew's eyes widen to the fact that he lost to Seth.

    Seth stood tall with his arms crossed looking across the battle field at Drew. "And that's how it's done."

    Drew took out Roselia's pokeball. The red beam of light surrounded it and sucked it inside. The two boys stood there in silence. The MC didn't say a word.

    "Okay! An exciting battle between Psychic and Grass type!" the MC shouted. Seth walked back to where the other coordinators were.

    "That was an awsome battle,Seth" Brendan replied. Seth nodded. "Now it's time for my battle!" Brendan shouted with his hand in a fist.

    Brendan walked out onto the battle field. He looked across the sandy field at Devin. Devin only seemed about 9. "This is gonna be easy" Brendan muttered to himself tossing a pokeball in the air and catching it.

    "Monferno, go!" Devin shouted throwing the pokeball. Monferno stood proud on the battle field. Monferno let out a victorious cry, like it has won already.

    "Aggron, stand by!" Brendan shouted as he threw the pokeball. A red beam of light hit the battle feild and Aggron came out. Aggron let out a mighty cry and stood before the Monferno.

    "Monferno, Flame Wheel!" Devin shouted. Monferno took in a breath, then let it out and spun foward encased in fire.

    "Aggron, dodge and use Metal Claw!" Brendan shouted quickly. Aggron moved out of the way and slashed Monferno skyward with its sharp metal claws. "Alright!" Brendan shouted.

    "Monferno, Mach Punch!" Devin shouted looking up at Monferno in the air. Monferno's fist lit up, Monferno came crashing down with its fist foward. Aggron was hit.

    "Aggron! Don't let some stupid fire type beat you! Counter attack with Metal Burst!" Brendan shouted. Aggron quickly regained balance. Aggron to a big breath in, then a big breath out shooting bits of metal at Monferno.

    The bits of metal cut Monferno. "Now, finish it off with Iron Head!" Brendan shouted. Aggron's body became encased in steel. Aggron lunged at Monferno head first. Monferno was thrown to the wall.

    Monferno stumbled to get up, it didn't.

    "Wonderful battle! Both trainer's totally in sync with their pokemon!" the MC shouted as Brendan took out the pokeball. A red beam of light surrounded Aggron as it took it inside the pokeball.

    "Now it's time for the final match!" the MC shouted. "Seth against Brendan!" The time was set to 5 minutes, the battle began.

    "Aggron, go!" Brendan shouted throwing the pokeball as Aggron came out.

    "Gallade, Psycho Cut!" Seth shouted throwing Gallade's pokeball. Gallade came out, its arms glowing purple. Gallade ran twoards Aggron. Gallade kept slashing at Aggron. Gallade jumped into the air and slashed Aggron comming back down.

    "Aggron, Iron Tail!" Brendan shouted. Aggron's tail became encased in thick metal. Aggron turned as its mighty tail hit Gallade and threw it off its feet. Gallade fell to the ground. Gallade struggled to get up. Gallade was already cut and hurt.

    "Alright Aggron, finish it off with Iron Head!" Brendan shouted. Aggron's body shined as it lunged twoard Gallade.

    "I was afraid of that," Seth mumbled. "Gallade!-" Seth began to say but turned away. Seth heard a smack and a long gasp from the auidience. Seth turned to see Gallade with its arms crossed like an X and it getting pushed by Aggron.

    "Gallade, use Psycho Cut again!" Seth shouted. Gallade slashed its arms down and slashed at Aggron.

    "Aggron, Metal Burst!" Brendan shouted. Aggron let out a big breath releasing sharp metal bits at Gallade

    "Galalde, Shadow Ball!" Seth shouted. Gallade made a powerfull Shadow Ball and threw it at Aggron. The metal burst and shadow ball colided. Smoke filled the arena. With only 2 seconds left on the clock.

    The smoke cleared. Aggron and Galade still stood unharmed. The clock hit zero. Both Brendan and Seth's points were equal.

    "Well, for the first time we have a draw!" the MC shouted. The crowd was silent.

    The MC approached both boys with the ribbon. "But we only have one ribbon, you two have to decide who will get it."

    Brendan and Seth looked at eachother. Brendan took the ribbon from the MC and handed it to Seth. Seth looked at the ribbon, then at Brendan puzzled.

    "You need it more than I do, trust me" Brendan replied smiling. Seth smiled and turned to the auidience, and held up the ribbon. The crowd exited the arena. Emily, Macey, and Jared stood outside waiting for Brendan and Seth to come out. Both boys walked over to them.

    Seth sighed happily. "Two down, two to go if I want to get into the Grand Festival"

    The all walked down to the exit of Hearthome City.

    Macey took a little brochure from the contest hall. "It says here that there is a gym here, guess we missed it." Macey said reading.

    "A gym? And we missed it!" Brendan moaned.

    Macey nodded. "Also one in Canalave we missed too,"

    Brendan let out a loud groan. "We need to go back!"

    "Too late, cause we are already almost to the next City." Macey replied.

    They approached a steep hill. Jared looked up to the top. "We have to climb that thing?"

    "Well, it's the only way we can get to Veilstone City" Emily replied.
     

    Ninja Caterpie

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  • What...how did they "miss" the gym when they were still at the edge of the City?
    And how can they be "almost there" after walking for 1 minute?
    I mean, even in the GAME it's not that fast!
    Oh yeah, the drew thing...we can't tell it's not shoe drew because he's the same! (as far as WE know)
     

    Saltare.

    Brain bangin'
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  • Chapter 22

    There will be a little delay on Chapter 23, 1 week (5 days) to be exact. Chapter 23 to be posted next Friday.


    They began climbing the grassy hill. "Are we there yet? This stupid hill is making my feet hurt!" Jared moaned.

    "No! Now be quiet before I push you down the stupid hill!" Brendan shouted. They reached the top. Jared looked out into the sun setting behind Veilstone.

    "Wow," Jared mumbled under his breath.

    "Yeah, it's beautiful." Macey said smiling.

    "No, wow as in, the sun is BRIGHT" Jared replied. Macey looked at Jared and pushed him down the hill. Jared began running back down twoards Veilstone. Everyone looked at eachother than began running down the hill.

    The hill was too steep to take at full speed and too high. Brendan stopped at took out a pokeball. The ball opened up and Swampert came out.

    "Swampert, Water Gun!" Brendan shouted. Swampert shot a blast of water on the hill. The hill became muddy and wet and eroded. Brendan stood on Swampert's back as Swampert slid down the hill.

    Everyone stopped and looked at Brendan going down the hill. Brendan turned around and grinned. Everyone ran full speed after Swampert and Brendan. Swampert swurved across the hill.

    Seth tripped and slid down the muddy hill. By the time he stopped, he was covered in mud. Seth stumbled to his feet and looked at Brendan and Swampert. Brendan turned around and laughed.

    Swampert wasn't paying attention and slammed right into a tree. Brendan flew off Swampert and smacked his head on the tree. Brendan sat on the ground rubbing his head with a small smile on his face.

    Jared almost fell flat on his face as he came to an imediet stop at the bottom of the hill. Brendan still sat on the ground rubbing his brused head. Jared looked over at Brendan and began laughing.

    Brendan opened one eye and saw Jared. "I wouldn't be laughing, Jared." Brendan replied climbing onto Swampert's back.

    "Oh yeah? And why is that?" Jared shot back.

    "Cause, your soaking wet." Brendan answered.

    "What? I'm not soaking wet!" Jared shouted.

    "You are now!" Brendan screamed as Swampert shot a blast of water at Jared. Everyone broke down laughing.

    Night began to fall.

    "We should go find a Pokemon Center." Seth said. Everyone climbed onto Swampert's back and rode into Veilstone City. Swampert went back into the pokeball. They entered a pokemon center. Nurse Joy led them to a room.

    Seth took out a pokeball. The orb opened up and let Absol out. Seth climbed onto the top bed. Absol leaped on the bed and lied next to Seth.

    Emily let Mudkip out of its pokeball. Mudkip lied on the pillow next to Emily's head.

    Espeon and Umbreon slept at Macey's feet. Brendan took the bed across from Emily's. Macey took the one above Brendan and Jared took the bed on the far wall.

    The room became silent and pitch black. Everyone had fallen asleep.
     

    Cynic Kaka

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  • Seth took out a pokeball. The orb opened up and let Absol out. Seth climbed onto the top bed. Absol leaped on the bed and lied next to Seth.

    That could come out wrong in SO many ways.

    Anyway, I guess you're doing an ok job...
     
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