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Fanfiction Lounge

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Astinus

Astinus

    • 10,179
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • Age 37
    • Seen today
    *randomly dances the drunkrabbit dance* Yay! Activity in my forum! *hands out lemon-flavored candy cookies for everyone*

    If it makes everyone feel better, I'll review some fics this weekend. I have diamondpearl876's fic (you need a nickname), Scythe-kun's chapter, and Duncan McNeil's fic. That's all I'm able to fit in for the regular fanfic forum, since two fics in the Bin need reviews as well. xD

    And also, I'm lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

    Much <3, your lazy mod,
    ~Hanako Tabris

    Post script: I have shorter hours this week at work, so run in horror from my reviews which will come out of the shadows. xD Besides, I also have no work from school, except to watch a movie. So I'll have plenty of time to review and catch up.
     
    txteclipse

    txteclipse

    The Last
    • 2,322
    Posts
    16
    Years
    Hehe. Finished that chapter I was freaking out about.

    It's six pages long in word. And it's mostly description and epic dialogue, so there aren't many uses of the enter button.

    Amazing what a little annoyance at things, some time, and a lot of ideas can do to a person.
     

    diamondpearl876

    you can breathe now. x
    • 1,584
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Age 31
    • Seen Jan 25, 2022
    Um, you can call me Kris, since that's my name. o_O;

    Anyways, thanks to reviewing for those who did. I'll try to keep up with yours, scythemaster, but I just got another beta job. Yup.. oh geez.
     

    Scytheteen

    What is mine is yours
    • 1,290
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • NY
    • Seen Jan 29, 2014
    No! Your name is DP-Chan! Anyway, thanks for keeping up DP-Chan, i'll get started on that editing sometime today...
     

    President Showaddywaddy

    Eevee Trainer
    • 109
    Posts
    16
    Years
    DP-Chan, your's is one of t'best one shots I've seen. I like t'idea of t'tables being turned. I don't think many people were expecting that. There's only two things I don't find perfect.

    It's a very dark story, and t'idea that Gabtite becomes slightly arrogant toward the end put me off a bit. Not that it wasn't an understandable reaction toward t'world, but it's not my cup of tea.

    Also, it's quite a short story. It just got going towards the end and then, stopped. It might be good to continue it, showing what he does to his trainer.

    Anyway. Good luck with what you do next, and don't be afraid to do chaptered fics.



    On to my story. Can I please have a review that focuses on t'storyline, please. I'm just tired of having everyone focus on grammar. Yes it is important, but so is t' story itself. I know Hanako Tabris has promised to review, but I need more than one opinion.

    My appologies if I'm being a bit blunt and whiny.

    (PS: Can someone close t'thread I made in this section. It's called: Pokemon UK- Ideas and Comments please. I don't think it's needed anymore, since I've asked in t'FanFiction Lounge. Just don't delete the story, whatever you do!)

    @4:10pm: Thanks Duncan and Alter Ego. You're really on the ball here. It took, what, a minute, to reply.
     
    Last edited:

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    • 5,751
    Posts
    19
    Years
    'kays I've finished with Midsummer Knights and Never in the Wrong Time or Place (for now, ye unfortunate authors, for now >D), so I suppose I'll go do some more reviews. Scythe, yours is first up and Kris (Gee, feels sort of awkward to call you by your real name when I don't really know you. But it's a lot quicker to type than your username. *Brick'd*) I'll go for yours after that. I'm prioritizing it this way since the latter is a one-shot and thus not liable to grow an extra chapter while I type. x3

    Oh, and I've been sort of slow in writing today so the reviews might take a bit longer than my usual. Hope that's okay with you. :3
     
    Incinermyn

    Incinermyn

    The Abomination Lives!!!
    • 646
    Posts
    16
    Years
    I'm having a hard time trying to get chapter three of Biohazard so that it doesn't seem like just some cheap follow up to chapter two, but I can't decide where I should have it chronicle a couple of events that happen in Pokemon square before Skunanne and Buizel head out on their first mission or have it take place during the first mission like I originally planned. I kind of thought about doing the first so it would add some more to the character interest (something I thought up after Hanako critiqued chapter two and said that it was kind of lacking in that still... Or at least, that's what I thought she was trying to get at). Anyways, it just seems that no matter which why I try to write either of the scenarios, they just don't seem to have the kind of impact that I'd like them too. So, could someone give me opinions on which may be stronger because I just can't come to a real decision on either? Man, I hate it when I paint myself into a corner... (sighs)
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    • 209
    Posts
    16
    Years
    Skunter said:
    I'm having a hard time trying to get chapter three of Biohazard so that it doesn't seem like just some cheap follow up to chapter two, but I can't decide where I should have it chronicle a couple of events that happen in Pokemon square before Skunanne and Buizel head out on their first mission or have it take place during the first mission like I originally planned. I kind of thought about doing the first so it would add some more to the character interest (something I thought up after Hanako critiqued chapter two and said that it was kind of lacking in that still... Or at least, that's what I thought she was trying to get at). Anyways, it just seems that no matter which why I try to write either of the scenarios, they just don't seem to have the kind of impact that I'd like them too. So, could someone give me opinions on which may be stronger because I just can't come to a real decision on either? Man, I hate it when I paint myself into a corner... (sighs)
    Click to expand...

    Heh. Yeah, I see what you mean. I haven't read your fic, but I'd probably just get the show on the road. Chapter three is probably about the right time to go on the first mission.

    If, however, you just aren't 'feeling it', then often times taking a break will help. Once you put yourself in a corner, it's hard to get back rolling. Yeah, just good general advice.
     

    Lash

     
    • 1,010
    Posts
    17
    Years
    Can someone review my second prologue, my rather first fixed Prologue, in my thread, "Pokemon: Pressure. Ash's Greatest Test."
    I know my first one was iffy bad. But I did fix it up, make it a bit longer, add some more description to it. But like ACC-M said, I still need to add some character descriptions, but I could a little more reviewing.
    So, please check it out people? I will give you a hug if you do.
     

    Duncan McNeil

    [release].your.grip
    • 209
    Posts
    16
    Years
    Madina Lake said:
    Can someone review my second prologue, my rather first fixed Prologue, in my thread, "Pokemon: Pressure. Ash's Greatest Test."
    I know my first one was iffy bad. But I did fix it up, make it a bit longer, add some more description to it. But like ACC-M said, I still need to add some character descriptions, but I could a little more reviewing.
    So, please check it out people? I will give you a hug if you do.
    Click to expand...

    Sure thing. I'll go take a look at it.
     
    Astinus

    Astinus

    • 10,179
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    18
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    • Age 37
    • Seen today
    President Showaddywaddy (Okay, you're the one that needs a nickname. ;D), the reason why I focus on grammar a lot before I head to the actual story is because grammar is the most basic part of the review. A lot of my friends that do review focus on grammar in the beginning because if the writer follows the advice, the story becomes more readable on a formatting level, and then the description, storyline, and characters can be focused on. It's starting out with the basics and moving up. Besides, it tests the water with new writers that are just starting to post their story on the Internet. If they listen to you about grammar, then it's easier to talk about the rest of the story because the characters and plot are more touchy subjects.

    dp876, that's your nickname. ;p I'm used to writing another name that's like yours shorthand like that, so it's just a force of habit.

    Skunter, what I meant in my review is more of the feelings of the characters. Like how does Buizel feel suddenly being forced onto a rescue team with Skuanne? I didn't mean to make you all confused with chapter three! ^^;

    Um, mind if I show you what I mean with an example? I've just been writing my NaNo, so that's fresh on my mind. So the example is from there. It's one character looking at the reactions of the other characters while one is in the hospital. I'll stick it behind the spoiler tags since it's a long one.

    Spoiler:


    See, you get the thoughts of the character as he looks at the others. It gets the reader into the mind of the characters, making them more human. That's all that I was driving at with my review.

    So, let's just say that you start your chapter with Skuanne and Buizel on their rescue mission. Ask yourself: Is Buizel feeling afraid? Is he feeling apprehensive? How can I show it? Give Buizel a strange quirk that he does when he's afraid, so that later on, you can just have him do that same action in a situation, and the reader will know that he's afraid. Like I have a character always lose his hat whenever he's feeling angry (strange little character, that one is), and whenever that happens the others (and the reader) know that he's angry.

    But if you are having some trouble getting your chapter started, just take a break from it. Like I said to txteclipse before, don't force your writing. Just take a small breather, and soon inspiration will strike you and you'll start writing again. If you force your writing, then the readers will tell.

    Besides, you don't want to take forever to start the ball rolling. If you spend too much time setting things up before heading to the main part of the action, then the reader will get bored. So I guess I'm saying to begin with the rescue mission? o.O Yeah, I'll say to start things off with the rescue mission and see how that goes.
     

    diamondpearl876

    you can breathe now. x
    • 1,584
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Age 31
    • Seen Jan 25, 2022
    President Showaddywaddy said:
    DP-Chan, your's is one of t'best one shots I've seen. I like t'idea of t'tables being turned. I don't think many people were expecting that. There's only two things I don't find perfect.

    It's a very dark story, and t'idea that Gabtite becomes slightly arrogant toward the end put me off a bit. Not that it wasn't an understandable reaction toward t'world, but it's not my cup of tea.

    Also, it's quite a short story. It just got going towards the end and then, stopped. It might be good to continue it, showing what he does to his trainer.

    Anyway. Good luck with what you do next, and don't be afraid to do chaptered fics.
    Click to expand...

    I could continue it. One day. I do have an idea for a chaptered fic, I just have no inspiration to write it yet.

    But, thanks for the review, too. x)
     

    Scytheteen

    What is mine is yours
    • 1,290
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • NY
    • Seen Jan 29, 2014
    DP-Chan. I finally got around to editing. I'm sure I missed something, but I added a lot more description and mixed the contractions and capitals
     
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