Serious How To Approach People With Confidence ( My Own Personal Issue - Advice Wanted )

Hisuitake

Hisuitake

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    Hello,

    I'm Leaf and some of you have spoken to me around the fourm already which I appreciate a lot. However I have a question I like to ask to get some opinions on how to do something. Which is getting to know some of you on PC more in depth. I'm pretty bad at getting to know people I think though small talk which I have done on here isn't so bad. I'm a gal who suffers from C-PTSD and in therapy for it so I am getting treated and also becoming more and more better each day. Though I struggle silently still on here with engaging with others more personally lately. Becuase people all my life hurt me in some way its why I fear people now and have no social life.

    I'm going be myself with anyone who I speak too I'm just nervous I'll mess up when trying to reach out more than I am already. Dose anyone have advice they could give me to be more confident and not so scared? I joined here to practice my social skills and I have been doing well I think. I just don't know how to make the first move and just talk to people. If anyone could help me out it be very much appreciated. I also hope this is alright to post this on here as well since it could also relate to others in some ways with having issues with talking to people.

    This thread doesn't need to stay open long I just wanted some opinions / advice from some of you.
    Thank you for reading~
     
    [PokeCommunity.com] How To Approach People With Confidence ( My Own Personal Issue - Advice Wanted )

    I'm not a professional on this but as someone who's been going out of her way for a few years to really be more social and connect with people, maybe I can say a few words.

    First of all it's great you have a place to get this stuff out. Whether it's making this kind of post here, talking to a therapist or someone trained to help you with this, anything like that. Therapy can be wonderful for people and as long as they can find the right person to talk to, I've always recommended it and had good experiences with it myself. It helps you feel your progression and improvement a lot better and I'm glad that's something you're able to do. That's awesome.

    Coming off of that, I think you're underselling yourself a little bit because you've taken the first step. You've taken several. Take pride in that. Being up-front with people about having difficulty talking to someone new or getting to know them is great to start with, it lets them know how you feel so they're more aware of it. Someone who's aware of that and respects that is someone I'm sure you'd want to continue talking to. Lots of mutual respect comes from telling someone that you're having a little bit of trouble. I'm someone who believes that being very open with people is really great. You don't struggle silently once you tell people what's going on, nor do you struggle alone.

    My honest advice for improving on this is to shut out your thoughts about it and just do it. Go for it without thinking what'll happen because the longer you have to think about something the longer you have to back away from it, and if it's something you really want to be able to do, it's something that (at some point, maybe not immediately) you'll be able to by sheer willpower, because you want to do it so much.
    There's no secret code or secret tips to be super good at talking to people, it just happens and you do it. But if I had to give any tips, it helps to think of the person you're talking to as an equal and never better than you because I've had trouble personally talking to people who have bigger followings on social media or whatever than I do. I think I mentioned this a while ago but one of my current closest friends is someone I used to idolize on social media for a couple years. Now they're just someone chill I'll make dumb memes and play games with. It also helps to join a conversation about a certain topic, especially if the other person is enjoying talking about something. I talk about my interests on this site more often than not, and if I'm going off about an idol game, it'd be cool to see you or someone else join in the conversation and ask about something related to that. It gives you a conversation topic you can focus on and takes your focus away from the worry of talking to someone, and it gives the other person the enjoyment of talking about something they like.
    Yeah, it sucks building up that confidence but as long as you keep taking steps it gets easier and easier because you get so used to it. You can just tell yourself "do what you did before" and it's easier to do that rather than think up a new way to do things.

    If there's anything I don't recommend, it's doing something that shows the other person you're not interested in the conversation or don't care about them. A great example is when I was trying to get to know someone, and all they would do is just send memes to a Discord channel. They never said words to other people, and one night they got mad at people in the server for never talking to them. I responded saying "You don't talk to people, all you do is send memes so I can't really respond to you" and they told me to fuck off. I guess that's kind of an extreme example isn't it? But it's the thing that sticks out to me as that experience that led me to never want to talk to them. Being selfish in a conversation is never good, and you shouldn't interact with people just so you can get attention or whatever.
    But I'm rambling, because I've seen you in conversations here and it's not like you're someone who just talks about yourself all the time and swears at people. Which is great to see as well.

    [PokeCommunity.com] How To Approach People With Confidence ( My Own Personal Issue - Advice Wanted )

    Glad to see you're working towards this. And hey, I'll extend my hand out. If you'd ever want to talk to me, or get some practice in, I love receiving visitor messages. Send me one if you've got some time, and we'll get to talking, 'kay?
     
    I've never really considered myself particularly good at giving life advice, especially for certain things, so idk how useful this'll be, but the thing that comes to mind is to just take your time with it. Don't try to rush things, go at your own pace. Let interactions with people be natural and something you want to do rather than something you feel like you have to do to make progress.
     
    Hey Leaf,

    First thing is don't put so much pressure on yourself for everything going perfectly. Or saying the right thing all the time. If you mess up, you mess up. It's not a big deal. Just continue on with the conversion.

    Start off by asking simple questions then build off of their response. If you don't know how to steer the conversion, just ask them questions. They may respond with something that you know, like, or have experience with then it should be more comfortable for you. You can then focus in on that subject matter. Practice makes perfect. The more you engage in conversion, the more it will become natural. But, you can't be scared or timid; just take the leap.

    Just have fun with it. Relax.

    Hope this helps
     
    I'm the same way, I don't have many friends because I've never really reached out. For me, I'm scared I'll mess up, and I do a lot so I'm going to mimic Nah's advice. Try and just let a conversation flow and make sure you don't overwhelm yourself with too many interactions.
    If someone is rude to you, tell a mod!
     
    This will probably sound weird, but try not to care quite so much about how you may be coming across to someone when you talk to them. People are extremely self-absorbed, and are far too wrapped-up in their own lives and perceptions, so if you make what you feel is a mistake when talking to them, or create what you feel is an awkward situation, they're probably not going to think as much of it as you are. They're probably not even going to notice at all unless you draw attention to it, actually...and even if you do, chances are they're not going to think it's as big of a deal as you do. Try not to project your own anxieties onto other people, because in all probability the reality is completely different. It should help you keep things in perspective and feel a little more confident in your interaction with others.

    In the inevitable event that you clash with someone, explain yourself calmly and clearly, and then take no further responsibility for what happens after. You can't control what people think, and you shouldn't compromise yourself for the sake of others - it's their problem to deal with, not yours. Outside of being deliberately antagonising or insulting, you can't really make mistakes when you talk with people - there are going to be people you get along with, and people you don't. You're not fully responsible for any bad interactions you might have, and if you accidentally offend someone, you shouldn't accept any blame or responsibility for this after an apology and an explanation: again, you cannot control what people think. People who won't let go of any mistakes you do make, or who will make you feel worse because of them, aren't worth your time.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how nervous you are about interaction, remember that you have value too, and absolutely nothing and nobody should be allowed to compromise that.
     
    When you have some people you'd like to talk to it's sometimes just easiest to simply say "hi!". I think it works especially well when you find yourself in a really good mood, because its easier to just turn off the brain for a second then go to, let's say, a profile of one of those people, throw in a "hi" and that's it. At that point you commited, but since it's just something very simple there's no real pressure. If they respond it's probably just them saying hi back and if they don't they probably are just busy. But regardless, you did it in that moment and that's an achievement in and of itself.
     
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