[Game Journal] Inky's Breathing in the Wild and You're Going to Love It

[Orcaline]

What's up friends I'm Inky and I've never posted on the forums before (my post count is a lie) so unless you look at Discord you don't know me, and that's good news. Two of my best friends in the whole world, Aaron and Bella, who are really nice and have never once had a bad word to say about me, have encouraged me to log my journey through The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild here - and because I easily bow to peer pressure, especially from those in positions of power, I have happily obliged.

First things first we need to establish that I have never once played a Legend of Zelda game and didn't even realise the little blonde dude wasn't called Zelda until seven minutes ago. So I will get the names of things wrong and do things wrong and probably be awful at the game and that's not on me so blame someone else please (I've got a list of people who you can direct such complaints at just hit me up). This also means I know absolutely nothing of the lore or anything so please don't yell at me thanks.

- - - - - - -​

The game starts with the promise of a very different game as a scantily-clad Link wakes up in some dark cave and finds some clothes in old boxes. I have no idea what the context for this is but as a casual gamer I was very confused and if someone can fill me in that'd be great. I was disappointed to learn we weren't getting more of near-nude Link in a cave as I arrived outside of Link's home. Also we picked up a magical talking tablet or something? Again no clue what that's about. Married at First Sight Australia was on in the background while I was playing this part of the game so I may have missed some dialogue in relation to this, but I feel like I should be able to fill in the blanks.

Anyway so I threw myself off the cliff to my death, and after that I spoke to an old man who said something about an axe that I never found, and also taught me something about fire after I stole a torch from his cave. I fully intend on returning to murder this man at some point so I'll let y'all know how that goes.

After this I headed to the big church nearby that the game kept forcing me to look at. I had no idea if this was where we were supposed to be going, and couldn't work out how to get the mission marker back - I also don't know how I managed to get rid of it in the first place - so I thought the big church would be the logical destination. Once I got there I pressed A to Pray like six times in front of the big statue, before I realised this clearly wasn't the right place. I eventually did find out how to get the mission marker back though, so it's not all bad. Also I found a bow here!

From then on I made no real story progress, and instead I decided to explore for a bit. On my travels I killed some orange goblin looking things, and then got destroyed by a big blue goblin, who I assume is their leader or something. I died about seven different times trying to kill this guy and, like the quitter I am, eventually gave up. I was also then killed when a giant robot rose up out of the ground in some ruins and shot a laser at me. I'm not sure what the backstory is there but I don't see why we needed lasers, or where mechs fit into the Zelda lore. I spent a lot of time after this just kind of running around and exploring - it's a very pretty game and I have a habit of wasting hours in open-world games just messing around, so that was fun, if non-eventful. I particularly enjoyed pushing boulders down to flatten enemies, and look forward to using physics to sadistically murder more of the fauna of Hyrule.


Also I massacred some bees.

- - - - - - -​

Aaaand that's it for this instalment, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I'll see y'all in June :femme2:​

 

[Austin]

" didn't even realise the little blonde dude wasn't called Zelda until seven minutes ago"

i refuse to believe this inky, why would you lie to me

anyway i can't wait for you to get off the tutorial plateau, there's a lot of cool things to see and places to explore out in the world. you can actually go straight from the tutorial to the final boss if you want (although unless you're literally a god you'll probably just die before you even reach it). BotW is a fun game to spend hours and hours in, I really hope you like it and stick to it.

 

[Mab]

10/10 thread where can i subscribe to your podcast good sir

 

[Roni]

Hi welcome to the Pokecommunity! Glad to see you're into this game, can't wait to hear more about it!

If you have any questions or concerns please hesitate to contact me or any other staff members you come across the forums. Enjoy your stay!

 

[Juno]

omg June is coming up I can't wait for the next update

 

[Orcaline]

Well it's almost June and you know what that means! It's time to return to the fabled kingdom of Hyrule and continue our clueless journey to do whatever the main quest of this game is (I've already forgotten :femme2:)

Chapter Two​

We began our journey with me immediately breaking my sword on a box, but that's ok because I soon found a Woodcutter's Axe in a small hut! I'm wondering if this belongs to that man I swore to kill in the last session. And even more exciting than that was the spicy pepper I unearthed from a jar in that very same hut! I also then found a vintage American gothic Farmer's Pitchfork, which was very exciting.

Sadly it was not long after this I realised I couldn't remember how to use my bow, so from now on this is a melee only run. This was not a problem however, as I soon mercilessly slaughtered some pig gremlin people and retrieved a throwing spear from their chest, and in even more exciting news then found some bomb arrows, which included a handy prompt on how to use the bow!

Anyway then I was murdered by a blue pig troll, but I soon got my revenge when I used my bomb arrows to kill it (this was probably a waste but I'm not going to listen to haters). I also then learned this fabled blue beast was called a Bokoblin, a fact I will inevitably soon forget. At this point I decided now would be as good a time as any to return to the mysterious bearded man I'd met previously - only to be attacked by a Chuchu, a deceivingly cute blue jelly-like monster. Luckily I didn't die here and instead I killed it. It was at this point I discovered there was in fact another Woodcutter's Axe directly outside the mysterious man's camp, something I had completely missed the first time. I also then discovered you can use said axe to cut down trees and acquire resources! We're learning. It was a good thing I found a second axe as I then spent a good while perfecting the fine art of deforestation.

Sadly, I then learned you cannot attack the mysterious and wise bearded man. On the plus side, he did then inform me that I can apparently cook apples, so his survival may be beneficial yet. I then decided to have a leisurely stroll around the nearby area - which I will reiterate once again is beautiful - and hunted some pigeons and frogs, in the name of pest control. I also discovered the Oman Au Shrine, but was confused by it so I left.

Not long after this, something bizarre happened - I actually found where I needed to go. I placed the Sheikah Slate onto a strange little pedestal, which then caused a giant magical tower to shoot out of the ground, greatly upsetting local squirrels and other assorted fauna. I was then granted a detailed map of the local area - which was great because I'd forgotten I even had a map - before being spoken to by a terrifying looking magical lady castle, who encouraged me to 'hurry'.

In true Inky fashion I then hurled myself from the tower to my death, before making my way down to continue my journey. But the excitement didn't end there, as suddenly the immortal bearded man parachuted down out of the sky to tell me about Calamity Ganon, a very evil, bad, bad guy, and then promised me his paraglider in exchange for some treasure. Imagine my shock when the treasure he sought was inside the - wait for it - Oman Au Shrine, the very place I'd discovered earlier! If you're picturing a sort of mild, not terribly surprised but pleasant whelmed shock - sorta like an 'oh wow, anyway' - then you're on the right sort of lines.

Once inside the now-open Oman Au Shrine, I was gifted crazy Magneto-like powers (that's an epic Marvel reference for all you non-nerds out there) and used them to trash Oman Au's home, before he evaporated and gave me his spirit orb. I was then teleported outside, and met by the flying madman once more, who gave me some helpful Lore that I've already forgotten about, before mugging me off by saying he wouldn't surrender his paraglider unless I found him three more spirit orbs. He then taught me how to use a special scope thing, which I definitely didn't fall off the tower whilst using. I also killed a skeleton and stole his arm!

The joke's on the old man though, because at this point I decided to quit the game, so he'll be waiting until October for those orbs… :femme:

- - - - - - -​

Thanks for reading friends, see you again soon! :femme2:​

 

[professor plum]

Wow it's already June

 

[mertis]

What's up friends I'm Inky and I've never posted on the forums before (my post count is a lie) so unless you look at Discord you don't know me, and that's good news. Two of my best friends in the whole world, Aaron and Bella, who are really nice and have never once had a bad word to say about me, have encouraged me to log my journey through The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild here - and because I easily bow to peer pressure, especially from those in positions of power, I have happily obliged.

First things first we need to establish that I have never once played a Legend of Zelda game and didn't even realise the little blonde dude wasn't called Zelda until seven minutes ago. So I will get the names of things wrong and do things wrong and probably be awful at the game and that's not on me so blame someone else please (I've got a list of people who you can direct such complaints at just hit me up). This also means I know absolutely nothing of the lore or anything so please don't yell at me thanks.

- - - - - - -​

The game starts with the promise of a very different game as a scantily-clad Link wakes up in some dark cave and finds some clothes in old boxes. I have no idea what the context for this is but as a casual gamer I was very confused and if someone can fill me in that'd be great. I was disappointed to learn we weren't getting more of near-nude Link in a cave as I arrived outside of Link's home. Also we picked up a magical talking tablet or something? Again no clue what that's about. Married at First Sight Australia was on in the background while I was playing this part of the game so I may have missed some dialogue in relation to this, but I feel like I should be able to fill in the blanks.

Anyway so I threw myself off the cliff to my death, and after that I spoke to an old man who said something about an axe that I never found, and also taught me something about fire after I stole a torch from his cave. I fully intend on returning to murder this man at some point so I'll let y'all know how that goes.

After this I headed to the big church nearby that the game kept forcing me to look at. I had no idea if this was where we were supposed to be going, and couldn't work out how to get the mission marker back - I also don't know how I managed to get rid of it in the first place - so I thought the big church would be the logical destination. Once I got there I pressed A to Pray like six times in front of the big statue, before I realised this clearly wasn't the right place. I eventually did find out how to get the mission marker back though, so it's not all bad. Also I found a bow here!

From then on I made no real story progress, and instead I decided to explore for a bit. On my travels I killed some orange goblin looking things, and then got destroyed by a big blue goblin, who I assume is their leader or something. I died about seven different times trying to kill this guy and, like the quitter I am, eventually gave up. I was also then killed when a giant robot rose up out of the ground in some ruins and shot a laser at me. I'm not sure what the backstory is there but I don't see why we needed lasers, or where mechs fit into the Zelda lore. I spent a lot of time after this just kind of running around and exploring - it's a very pretty game and I have a habit of wasting hours in open-world games just messing around, so that was fun, if non-eventful. I particularly enjoyed pushing boulders down to flatten enemies, and look forward to using physics to sadistically murder more of the fauna of Hyrule.


Also I massacred some bees.

- - - - - - -​

Aaaand that's it for this instalment, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I'll see y'all in June :femme2:​

hello, why dont you make a welcome post on the forums since your new!

 

[budube]

Also I massacred some bees.

Wow............ kinda toxic and cringe tbh.......

 

[Aslan]

THIS IS AMAZING keen for the October update