Lost Heaven

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"J.C. here. Man I can't believe it took this long for Nerevarine to write this chapter"

"Yeah. He said that he was going to write it as like the second chapter into ACT 3"

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 61: Shallow hearts

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Boulivard of broken dreams - Green day

I might be a tad embarressed to say these details. So I might as well refer myself as someone else.



The cold sweat broke on the Kangaskahn's forhead. Lily stayed dormant meanwhile. Knowing that whatever she did would confuse the Kangaskahn.

"What is your name?" Blank asked.

The Kangaskhan looked up. Specifically at Cariger.

"Cariger!" she squealed out and ran to her. She hugged Cariger directly around the shoulders.

"Oooh Cariger who are these two?" The Kangaskhan asked her.

"Ah so your Beatris now?"

"Yes. Who else would I be?" Beatris asked.

"Ah okay then." Cariger said. "Beatris this is my friend Dianna." She pointed to Dianna. "And Blank." She pointed to Blank

Beatris hugged both Blank and Dianna.

"Ooh we have so much to catch up on. When was the last time we saw each other?" Beatris asked Cariger.

"Um almost a month or so." Cariger said. Cariger edged towards Blank. "She doesn't remember herself as Adrian, nor does she have memories of the accident."

"Oh we have so much to catch up on." Beatris noticed that she was barely wearing any clothing."

"Ooopsie. I guess I forgot to get changed." She moved towards the clothing on the ground. She placed on the t-shirt as if there was no doubt. Then she placed her shoes on.

"Alright. Where are we going today Cariger? I hope we are going shopping. I need new shoes." Beatris asked gleefully.

"Um. Well we should go downstairs Beatris." Beatris nodded and cheerfully walked with them.

Blank meanwhile noticed how much like herself Beatris was like.

They made their way down to the lobby. Locke was there of course. "Okay Ive collaberated with my contacts. Miss Beatris will now be attending the women's prison."

"Women's prison? What is this all about Cariger?" Beatris looked up and down Locke and had a stunning look on her face.

"Oh you didn't know dear? You um... skipped out on dinner yesterday and were caught."

"Oh. Well is this guy a cop or something?"

"Something like that Beatris. But he is going to take us to lunch."

1 hour later

Normally I don't dwell on these memories. But I have to for these purposes.

Locke drove the bus over to a local restaurant. It was called the "3's and 7's"

They got a booth easily. Beatris sat at the end with Cariger and Blank with her. Dianna and Locke sat opposite.

"Damn Cariger. I didn't know that it would have that big an effect on him." Dianna whispered.

"Yeah I didn't think that Adrian's entire personality would be enveloped by Beatris's."

Cariger slowly straightened herself. A waiter came over. It was a dull Toxicroak. Wearing a blue uniform witch had a pin on the front that read "Queens of the stone age corperation."

"Alright what do you want to order?" The Toxicroak asked. The menu's infront of them were read and orders were given to him.

When the meals came by it was obvious who was given the biggest portion. Beatris had almost 4 plates infront of her. Filled to the brim with food.

"You didn't say where you met her Cariger." Blank whispered. Beatris gleefully started eating. Locke had a strange look on his face.

When Beatris was finished and cleaned up Locke cleared his throat. "Well um we have something to tell you."

Locke filled Beatris in on the plan. When in the women's prison she was to find a box labled "Disturbed" in the kitchen. It contained a hand taser and my 1911. Plus several clips. Locke had smuggled it into there via his "connections"

"Alright. So miss Beatris all you have to do is open the box and read the note inside."

"Alright. If I am going to prison anyway I might as well break out." She said slowly.

They walked out of the restaurant towards the bus. Locke slowly sighed. He laughed a little in his mind and started the engine.

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"Shade here. Nerevarine just watched the movie Heavy Metal"

"Throughout it he got some very strange fanfic ideas."

"He is currently wondering whether or not to use them

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

The beast is ready to devour
All the metal they can hold
'bout overload
Start to explode

Heavy Metal - Sammy Hagar

The bus slowly pulled up to the Blackthorn women's prison. Lily still stayed dormant. Her interference could jeopardise everything.

Beatris slowly walked down the steps towards the prison. Locke slowly following her. Blank, Cariger and Dianna stayed inside the bus.

Locke lead Beatris towards the lobby. Then towards the main desk.

"Prisoner 42 here from cellblock iigg." Locke said.

The man behind the desk nodded.

The rest was a blur which I couldn't remember. But I do remember what happened soon after

They lead Beatris towards prisoner possessions. They took Beatris's clothing and gave her instead a plain orange short sleeved shirt, plain white panties, plain orange pants and a number. 1142. Beatris changed quickly into these clothes.

They lead Beatris to her cell. It was cell number 66ty. They locked the cell door efficiantly and quietly. Beatris slowly turned around to face her cellmates.

There were three cell mates. One was a Lucario. She had a humanoid shape like Beatris did. But was much smaller then Beatris was. Another was a Togetec who retained her togetec shape. The final cell mate was a Raichu. This Raichu had a blue headband with a diamond pattern on it. It was obvious who the leader was.

"Check it out girls. Fresh meat."

The next few hours I wouldn't want to discuss. They mostly would reveal a strange side of my sexuality

Fast forward to the cafeteria the next day.

Beatris waited in line in the cafeteria. She remembered that a box was in the kitchen waiting for her. Beatris waited until it was her turn to get food. The food was.. lack of a better word disgusting. Beatris slaved through the food. It was as if a vampire had sucked it dry of all the flavor and left just the bare nutrients.

One of the things that fueled Beatris to get up was the desire to get better food. She slowly snuck over to the food serving area

When all the prisoners would recieve food the servers would leave. Beatris slowly looked around and walked over to the far end of the kitchen.

The kitchen was much cleaner then the cafeteria. She slowly made her way towards the refridgerator. Ontop of it was a box.

Beatris's hands made their way towards the box. She slowly opened it. Inside was a note from Locke.

"Beatris.

Take this tazer and this gun and make your way to the third floor of the prison. Then find the Warden's office and persuade you her to give you the key. Then make your way to the lobby and meet us outside."

"Sounds easy enough" Beatris said. The gun was my 1911. Locke stole it from my ring when I was unconcious. The tazer was a regular hand tazer.

Beatris looked around and slipped the tazer into her pants pocket. The gun was to big so she slipped it into her pants. Beatris turned around and walked back to the cafeteria without arousing suspicion.

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"J.C. here. Nerevarine has been trying to get a few of his other fanfics afloat currently."

"You can read them on FF.net. The link is in his signature"

"Nerevarine appologises for this being the shortest chapter but he really just lost his writing high and now is insanely depressed"

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 63: The warden

When two tribes go to war
A point is all you can score
When two tribes go to war
A point is all you can score

Two tribes - Frankie goes to Hollywood

Beatris waited until lunch was over. Then she got up while the rest of the prisoners were leaving to go to their cells.

The dank hallways were devoid of life. All the guards were ushering the rest of the prisoners toward their cells. Beatrix looked around and found a set of stairs.

The stairs slowly made their way up to a narrow hallway. She slowly made her way down the hallway until she heard some footsteps.

"..and it just goes to show." She saw a Hitmonchan wearing a guards uniform talking to a Ledian. They slowly saw Beatrix.

The guards tried to run up the stairs. Beatrix took her hand tazer out. The Leadian was the first to go down. Then the Hitmonchan

Beatris slowly walked down the hallway toward another set of stairs. The prison only had 3 floors. Beatris looked around and finally caught sight of a door at the end of the hallway. It had the name "Warden" on the front

Beatris walked down toward the door. Slowly turning it's door handle. The brass felt cold and hard on her hand.

The warden was a short Crockanaw sitting behind a desk. She was writing.

"Who are you?" She mumbled still staring at her paper. Beatris took this time to take the 1911 out. She had never held a gun before. But it felt more natural to her now.

"Beatrix." She said cocking it. "I want the key to..." Beatris thought to herself for a moment. "... Mount silver."

The Warden opened her drawer and took out what looked like a key card. Beatris didn't see her trigger the silent alarm.

Beatris grabbed the key and slowly walked out of the office. She walked down the stairs. Then she heard a larger amount of footsteps.

Beatris ran now. She ran down the stairs toward the front entrance. The bus was still there. Beatris ran into it.

 

[Sweet Dreams]

Oddly enough, both depression and highs inspire me to continue writing... Only normality blocks it. But enough about me, more about this.

Not up to usual standards, I have to - reluctantly - say. If you feel the part is not as good as it can possibly be, then wait to edit it. Otherwise, it may detract from the overall quality. We can survive for a day or two without a new part... although I usually am eager to read this. (Oh, and the choice of colour for when you write about Adrian as "Beatrix" is rather abhorrent. I absolutely despise the colour, but by highlighting it, I get through... That is a trivial matter. You can't change it now!)

Okay, time for the good points in the past few chapters. "Beatris" in prison is hilarious (still in that strange way), and I will wait patiently for the next update.

Kudos on using Green Day, again! *hums the tune... again*

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"J.C. here. Nerevarine appologises for the long wait for another chapter"

"Yes. He has been sorting a few things out lately."

"Plus he just rebought Silent Hill for the PS1 so he should have some of his inner horror urges sedated"

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 64: Back to earth

"Their sneering faces were forever etched upon my memory. I had crossed death for this moment. My mind was empty save for one thought; I would kill."

Kain - Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen

Beatrix ran back to the bus. Prison guards following her every step. Thankfully Blackthorn had a bill passed a year earlier saying that guards should have Nightsticks instead of guns. It was a good move. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't passed

Locke gunned the engine instantly. Beatrix sat down holding the key.

"We have company." Axle said at the back of the bus. In his hand was my M16

"Well you can drop me off as soon as we lose these guys. I am ready for some R&R."

Cariger was sitting next to Dianna. "You know. We could keep Adrian as a girl. He wouldn't be as agressive and we could finally find someone to go shopping with."

Cariger shook her head. "No. I never liked the original Beatrix."

"What are you talking about over there." Beatrix snapped at them

"That's it. I can't take any more of this *****." Lily said into her mind.

"What the?" Was all Beatrix managed to spurt out. Suddenly another goopy feeling happened.

After several minutes I sat there. Back to normal. I tore off Beatrix's prison garb.

"God ****ing damn." I said. "What the hell just happened?" I had no recollection of what I had just done.

Everyone laughed except for Axle and Locke. Axle was busy shooting at the prison vans that were following us.

Axle threw me my ring. I slipped it on. Then I conjured up my uzi.

After rolling down a window I began shooting at the nearest van. I took the driver with a simple head shot. The van spurted out of control and crashed into a nearby tree.

We were in the city now. The vans were still gunning after us. There were three more left.

I took my 1911 out this time and aimed at a tire of the nearest van. The tire blew out, however the van kept it's regular speed. I took my sniper rifle out.

This time aiming at the passenger of the van. I fired a shot and hit him directly between the eyes. He fell ontop of the driver. The driver was to busy trying to push the passenger off that he crashed into a building.

We continued driving. Locke was driving like a maniac, now breaking almost every driving rule around.

I ran to the driver's seat. "Taking over."

"Good to have you back." Locke said. I slowly edged myself into the driver's seat.

We were now close to a freeway that went to Eqruteak. I slowly drove the bus towards there.

"Axel. We are going off road. How many bullets do you have?"

"Quite a few." He said in his gruff accent.

"Perfect." I then edged my foot towards the break.

The vans were circling the bus. Once they were on either side I slammed down on the break.

Both vans kept going and in confusion crashed into each other. Several other cars ahead also crashed into the destroyed vans.

"What gives? Why ask about the ammo?" Axle asked curiously.

"I don't know. That was all just instinct."

We drove the bus back to the hotel then. All I wanted to do was rest. The rest of them snickered behind my back. Lily filled me in with what I did during the last two days. I must say that I was both confused and disgusted at the same time. For a sick reason I recalled Candice. Then the feeling brought me with sorrow and I extinguished it.

I slowly parked the bus in front. Then we retired to our respective rooms. I went to my room and began tuneing my guitar when I heard a knock on my door.

I opened the door to find Blank there. I hadn't seen Blank for a few days. She was standing quite queer.

"Can I come in?"

The rest of the evening I do not recall. I do remember drinking large amounts of alcohol before passing out though.

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"J.C. here. Nerevarine has been mostly working out new fanfiction ideas."

"Yeah. Plus good news to the readers (If there are any)... Nerevarine is thinking of creating a sequel to Lost Heaven"

"It all depends on how he decides to end the storyline."

"Back to the story. This is a two parter. Trials and Tribulations"

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 65: Trials and Tribulations Part 1

Where can you find pleasure, search the world for treasure,
learn science, technology?
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
on the land or on the sea?

In the Navy - The Village People

I awoke several hours later. Blank was nowhere to be seen.

I rose from my bed through a very large headache. I took a very long shower to get over my hangover.

"What did I do last night?" I must have drowned my thoughts about Beatrix with alchohol

"Good morning." Lily said.

"Lily what happened last night?"

"I can't tell you Adrian. I am sorry."

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

"Because you told me not to."

I should have known. I was probably doing something very stupid and childish. I shrugged and buttoned my shirt

At the lobby Locke was there with a map. Everyone was there including Blank and Alex.

"Alright. Now we have a few more keys left." Locke said. He pointed to another focus site

"Alright. Myself and Axle are going to hit the dragon's den. A Team Omni Member is posing as a monk there."

Then he pointed to another one. "This is where Adrian is going to do is rock off to get the prize."

"Here Blank and Alex are going to find the key hidden in some book. The idiot thought it would help him if he hid the key."

I paused slowly. Then I sat down next to Locke. "Locke how do you know all this? What are your contacts?" Locke shook his head slowly. He had a serious expression on his face.

"I can't tell you that Adrian. But I can tell you that they went to great lengths to find this stuff out."

Locke went through the rest of his plans. I wasn't included in any of them. But I didn't really care. I needed to practice my guitar for the rock off in a few days. I had already selected who was going to be in my band

Colt had already said he played Bass a few hundred years before. Now wether that was bullshit or not I didn't care. He could actually play.

Axle already agreed to play Drums. I decided that Griffin should do vocals.

"Whoa Adrian? Me sing?" Griffin was skeptical at the hotel vending machines when I told him.

"Yeah. I heard you scream at the cabin. It is perfect for my setlist." It took some more persuasion but I managed to sign Griffin up. Then all I needed was a rhythm guitar for some of the songs. I began to wonder who I could use.

Then the answer came to me. I walked past Blank's room one day and saw a 'strat in her room. I peered in and looked around. I saw looking out her room's window.

"Blank I didn't know you could play guitar." I said to her.

"I can. I just bought this." She said tapping the guitar. She was peering out towards the parking lot.

"Well alright. Blank can you play Rhythm?" I asked her in a suave way. She nodded. I walked out of her room feeling my spirits lift.

Band practice was okay. Axle wasn't there so we had to do all of the songs without drums. It was okay for the most part. Except I kept messing up my solo for the last song on my set list.

"Adrian... why did you have to choose such a hard song?" Colt asked me. I shrugged. "I want to win over the crowd."

We continued practicing of course. Lily guided me through the rest of the songs. But it didn't make them any easier.

Everything was alright. The days sped by like crazy. Soon it was only a few more days. Until I found out something about Blank. Something that threatened my life...

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"Shade here. Nerevarine has been planning this subplot for quite a while"

"Yes. He agreed to do this one with JBCBlank."

"Hope you all enjoy reading it just as he enjoyed writing it."

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 66: Trials and Tribulations part 2

I wrote the words to this song on the back of a photograph
Behind your back it goes
A little something like this is way to big to miss
I got a letter in the mail
The sender failed to let me know where it came from
Opened it up and sure enough there we were
arm in arm again

Armageddon - Alkaline Trio

I was in my room again. It was around 10:35 PM. Lily was guiding me through a solo.

"Damnit." I scowled out loud again. I missed another note.

"Adrian what is wrong with you?" Lily said... again. We had been doing this for hours upon hours.

I was staring out the window on a regular basis. Locke had just sent Colt and Griffin on a misison to find the fourth key. So all we had to do was wait until the rock off. Locke would just stay in the lobby talking on a very expensive cellular phone.

I curiously wanted to know who Locke's contacts were. How did he know so much about Cryptos and where to find the keys. Locke obviously knew something he wasn't telling.

Griffin was practicing all the lyrics. He had them down quite quickly. Blank was practicing rhythm guitar and Colt was practicing quite a while ago.

The only one I was concerned with was Alex. I hadn't seen Alex in an entire week. He mostly slipped out of the hotel before I had even woke up. Strangely enough Alex seemed to start doing this right after my little blackout the week before.

I soon began daydreaming. This time about Candice again. Her soft features would make me go crazy.

A few nights before while I was taking a shower I had another daydream about Candice. I accidentally transformed into her and it took Lily an entire hour to transform me back. I was still inlove with the girl I had to kill.

My weapons were conveniantly hidden in drawers. My 1911 was in my bedside table. My chainsaw was of course hidden underneath the bed. I didn't want to keep everything in my ring unless I had to go on a mission.

It happened around 11. I heard a scream from the next room over. The next room belonged to Blank. I placed my Les Paul back on it's stand and ran over to the bedside table. I heard another scream and grabbed the pistol.

I raced over to Blank's room. Turning the knob seemed useless. The door was locked. I began knocking on the door.

I heard more struggle. ****. I thought to myself. "Adrian find some way to get into there." Lily said.

Instinct directed me. I placed the 1911 right at the doorknob.

The doorknob fell to the ground in pieces. I kicked the door down quickly and was shocked to see Alex there with Blank.

Alex was holding a knife. He was holding it right to Blank's throat. "Alex... what's going on?"

"Ah speak of the devil. He approaches." Alex spoke.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Oh you don't know?" Alex asked. He sounded very sadistic. "My girlfriend here has been chasing you for the last month."

"Thats stupid." I responded. Blank had been showing herself off to Alex moreso these past weeks.

"Really? Do you remember what happened last week?" He was obviously talking about the blackout.

"Elaborate Alex." I said to him. "Gladly." He responded. He took the knife away from Blank's throat.

"Blank persuaded you to drink from a bottle she bought in a store. It was a bottle of liquor mixed with a ton of stuff. Then when you were drunk enough she had sex with you." I didn't believe it. It sounded like supream BS.

"Is this true?" I asked Lily. I could tell she was nodding

"Blank told me right after you passed out that she did it." Blank straightened herself out a little. "And she was menustrating when she did it. Do you know what that means Adrian?" He was now laughing hysterically when talking

"No I don't." I responded.

"It means that now she is pregnant."

The words rebounded through my skull. I knew what they meant but they just didn't click until a few seconds later.

"She knew she would get pregnant. "

"Blank... why?" I asked her.

"Well... um. Adrian... ever since I met you in that Library I wanted you. That is why I began showing off to Alex. To play hard to get. Last week I was very starved so I bought a bottle and decided to try my luck. I always wanted to have a family but not with Alex..." She said very slowly.

"As you can see Adrian. Now Blank is pregnant with your seed and she is no longer in love with me. Now my life has no purpous because you took it from me."

"So what are you going to do Alex? Kill Blank?"

"No Adrian. Now that you are here I am going to kill you. You the one who ruined my life. Now I am going to take yours and raise your child with Blank."

Alex seemed quite insane. He was almost bursting into tears. The knife in his hands. Ready to strike.

Alex lunged for me. I ducked from his swipes. However several ones made contact with my arms. "****!" I screamed out. I knocked the knife out of his hands. Then Alex pushed me into a wall

A forbidden rage came to me. Suddenly my pigments disappeaered and my vision dulled. "**** YOU!" I yelled out.

Alex was thrown into the bathroom. Then I lunged at him.

Blood streaked all around me. I wanted to put a bullet in between the eyes of every legendary pokemon that wouldn't screw to save it's species. I wanted to breath motor oil and spit it all onto the bastard I was beating the **** out of.

When it was done my pigments returned. I began panting irregularly. Blood covered my shirt.

I walked over to Blank who was crying. "I'm sorry." I said to her. I noticed that I had several tears streaming down my face.

I heard a creaking. I turned around to see Alex standing up there. Though his stance was very heavy. "I'LL KILL YOU!" Alex yelled at me.

I grabbed my 1911 off the ground. I ducked underneath Alex. Alex landed near the large window overlooking Blackthorn.

"Die you son of a *****." I responded. Then I fired the 1911 at Alex.

He stumbled slightly. The bullet grazed his shoulder. But he still struggled to stand up. I remembered in pokemon trainer school how they said that insane pokemon would have an increased adrennaline spike and a large amount of stamina.

I continued firing until my clip ran out. Alex stumbled several times until he hit the window. I had one shot left in my clip

"When you get to hell... tell them I sent you." I taunted

I fired the last shot. This one hit his head.

Alex flew right into the window. It shattered as he flew through it.

I heard a loud "SLAM" as his body fell ontop of a nearby car. Then I heard a woman scream.

I walked over to Blank. I dropped the gun as I walked. She was crying and trembling. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

"...yes..." She said sniffling.

I hugged Blank. She seemed so much more beautiful then.

Her cute face, wet from the tears. It felt so nice just to kiss it

I kissed Blank. It was quite passionate. She didn't pull back or struggle. She did the same.

I felt truely at peace. I had an epiphany. The only reason I had dreams about Candice was I was supressing my emotions about Blank. I realised out of everyone I talked to after Candice I talked to Blank the most.

We walked out of her room. Into mine. I picked up my 1911 and closed the door.

The night was passionate and full of mixed emotions. When I finally went to sleep I felt at peace.

I had a dream about Candice. She was dead... but it was alright.

 

[Sweet Dreams]

So yet again another of the group turns crazy and is killed by Adrian. Then, of course, he sleeps with that dead guy's girlfriend. And both of them have the time of their lives whilst people scream at the sight of a dead body atop a vehicle.

Okay, after this last part, I'm going to have to criticise the characters' behaviour. Sure, she may not have loved him, but Blank could at least mourn a little for the poor guy after seeing Adrian kill him. Yes, he was heading for Adrian's blood; but really, it's all Blank's fault (sorry JBCBlank if you're reading this). Alex had been part of their group, withstanding horrifying terrors alongside them. The least he deserved would be a night of mourning instead of... you know... So she didn't "love" him, she didn't want to kill him, did she?

Adrian has no idea what "love" really means. Perhaps he thought he "loved" Candice. When she died from something totally out of her control, he was broken, sure. Then he finds out, after Blank deceived him, her boyfriend and purposely gotten herself pregnant, he feels he's "in love" with her.

And throughout this, he still has loyal, understanding friends that agree that his actions are right. If I were there, I'd just be cowering with the fear that he's going to kill me next.

Which reminds me; where's Dianne? In the past few parts, she was nowhere to be seen.

((EDIT: Oops, sorry, typo. Well, I'll keep reading because I do want to see how this turns out.))

 

[Scales]

((Very sharp Sweet Dreams. The rest of the party members's wereabouts are going to be revealed in the next chapter. Also it wasn't Cariger it was Candice who died in the 40's chapters.

Anyway I was writing this as sort of a spur of the moment so I didn't really disclose the motivation feeling there. But I will find a way to make it all fit per your critiscms.))

 

[Scales]

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Welcome true believers to a new chapter of Lost Heaven

"J.C. Here. Nerevarine appologises greatly for the very long hiatus he put on this fic"

"Yes I have to agree. Nerevarine has been dealing with great personal issues with his life. Plus he has final exams."

"Nerevarine was also thinking of abandoning this fic until he finally got some motivation for it"

"Nerevarine also hopes you notice that the overall theme of the fic is going to change quite a lot from his original design"

-----Lost Heaven chat-----

Chapter 67: Seth

Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down

18 and Life - Skid Row

And finally. Blank was gone

I didn't know where she went. I awoke and she was gone. All of her belongings, gone, all of the evidence she was there, gone. She even left a note.

The note was illegibal due to large tear splatters. But I didn't care really about what was on it. I knew she left because she loved Alex to much

I cried most of the day. It took several hours for Lily to get me over it. After taking 2 showers and a long nap I finally walked downstairs to the rest of the group. Most of the police questioned me on the way down about the shooting occuring in the room next to mine. I didn't really respond to them. I just walked to the head desk and checked out.

I walked back to the group. Most of them were planning the rock off happening later during the night. I told them of course I was ready to play the set list. Colt, Griffin and Axle were all ready.

"Bad news. Blank is gone. We need a new rhythm." we all pondered on who to use for Rhythm. Finally we gave up and headed to central blackthorn where the stage was set up.

There were two other bands set up. We waited a few hours for them to get through their set lists. They were all relatively cliche'd death metal bands with their rings going down to their ankles.

We were backstage. I was wearing my fedora, jacket and shirt. The rest were looking at me warily. "Look I know we need a Rhythm guy but I think we can do..."

"Need someone to play Rhythm?" Someone asked. I turned around and saw a Scizor walking towards me

The Scizor was wearing a long trench coat that went to his feet. He was Anthropomorphic of course. The strange thing with him was the fact that instead of scizors he had hands. Medium sized hands that would go into his jacket pockets. "Alright. Who are you then?" I asked him. "Seth. I just drifted into town. Might as well help you with your band." The Scizor looked quite suspicious of me. But I had no other choice.

"Fine then." I whispered to him the set list.

"Alright I can do this." He nodded. Out of nowhere someone passed him a guitar. It was a long Gibson firebird with gold strings on it.

The set manager walked towards me. "Alright tell me your set list now." He began writing down the 5 songs I mentioned to him. "Alright. Your on in 5." We all got ready. Going into various poses. Seth seemed the most confident and the most focused. I personally was nervous as ****. Finally the curtain drew up. The set manager called out "Give it up for VELVET FEDORA" There was a large applause following this.

I waited for a second. Then my right hand went to my strings.

 

[Sweet Dreams]

"Alright. Your on in 5."

This is a grammatically incorrect sentence. One simple mistake squashed in together with a second thing that just makes it look tacky. You used the wrong "your/you're" and most people would say that anything under a number with three digits could be spelled out in letters, unless it's on a sign or something. Some people would even use numbers for a few two-digits, like seventy-seven, but for a one syllable, one digit number; use words. The same applies to the "2 showers" up top. And this is probably just me, but I'd replace the full stop with a semi-colon. Yes, they're my answer to everything.

So, this is the recommended sentence; "Alright; you're on in five."

This is just a note that you could take heed of in the future to become a better writer and to satisfy the readers further. It looks more professional and... cleaner, somehow.

Well, hooray for the new part! But still... Where's Dianne? I like her. Mainly because I'm biased towards my own characters.