Cassidy took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. She looked over at Berii and Andrew, remorse in her face.
"I don't regret the way I acted towards him," Cassidy said, her voice returned to normal. Her eyes showed genuine remorse. "But I am very sorry for being so hot-headed towards you two."
Rising from her chair, she pushed at the wrinkles in her jeans, and went back upstairs. Moments later, she came back down, wearing her karate uniform, the black canvas making dense crinkle noises as she moved. She carried her bo and numchaku, and her hair was now brushed out.
"I...need to go do some thinking," she told Berii and Andrew. She looked like she was going to cry. "There is something wrong with me these days...it may have something to do with the scratch I have from that chimeara...it's been hurting a lot. I'm going to go find some place to practice and think. I will see you later...again...I'm really very sorry."
With that, she disappeared out the porthole, leaving Andrew and Berii in the common room. Andrew let out a breath.
"Gosh, she's furious," he said softly. "I have never seen her so mad. Our Dad has really trained her well to keep her emotions hidden, even the positive ones. Sometimes, it's so hard to tell whether she is happy or upset.
"And she tries so hard to be perfect at everything," Andrew continued. "She gets that from Dad too. Nothing was ever good enough for him, but Cassidy's come the closest to perfect out of the two of us. It's hard to see her like this sometimes...she and my dad together especially. I guess that's why I'm not as good as she is at everything. I don't want to be like that. I want to be able to feel..."
He trailed off, and looked at Berii. Deep in his heart, he felt a pang of heartache, a yearning for his father's approval, something, anything, to let him know that his father was proud.
"Ah, but what am I boring you with this for?" he said, trying his best to grin and chuckle. "You probably want to go get ready so you can go to that dance downstairs."
He looked into the fire, half hoping that she would invite him to go to the dance with her. He wanted very much to go...but feared it would only cause another blowup with Johann.
***
Cassidy stood in a deserted hallway with large windows of the pointed arch gothic0style overlooking a courtyard. She brandished her bo staff in the moonlight, her eyes devoid of feeling. Her mother had called it the "perfect polker face," if Cassidy had been a gambling kind of person. She swung the bo in deliberate, strong, and practiced motion, arching her back here, bending her leg further there. Her movements were fluid, easy, despite the great weight behind them. She could take on people twice her size, though she wished nothing more than to avoid any kind of combat.
She and Andrew were the perfect sparring partners, Cassidy thought to herself. He knew her weaknesses, as she knew his, and he was bigger than her, almost two heads taller. He was in every way a perfect opponent. He could have taken out all of those Slytherin boys when they attacked him earlier.
He's trying so hard to be what Dad wants him to, she said to herself, sending a powerful strike into the invisible opponent before her. The air answered her movement with a brisk swishing noise. If it had been a real person, they would no longer be breathing.
He doesn't realize it, but he is being submissive, she said to herself once more, spinning her bo above her like a helicopter propeller. She brought it down with a loud cracking noise, her movement causing a loud snap in the air as her uniform submitted to the sking, bones, and muscle beneath.
In trying to be what my father wants, he is straying from the path, she thought, bringing her bo to its final, deadly movement. A strike to hit the temple. An end to an opponent. An end to the kata. She stood up, bringing her feet together, and bowing to the air, keeping her eyes down, respectfully. He should have and could have defended himself. I wish he could just see that.
Panting, she relaxed her muscles, leaning the bo against the wall, and picking up her numchaku, with the engravings Andrew had made on them. She smiled faintly, and began a kata she had learned long ago.
Her father stood before her. It was after school hours, and the sun cast the shadows of the window panes at a slant across the floor. A five year old Cassidy stood before him, smiling.
"Straighten up!" her father told her. To her five year old ears, his voice was a bellow. "Get ready. Clear your mind. You cannot show emotion to your enemy. Now, follow me."
He led her across the floor in a graceful kata. They danced across the floor together, Cassidy copying his movements perfectly as Andrew stood and watched from a corner. Cassidy swung the wooden numchaku easily, confidently, not fearing the sting they left on the skin of a careless artist. She swung them quickly, fluidly, as if she had known the kata for years instead of minutes.
"You see how she clears her mind?" her father called to Andrew. A five-year-old, shaggy-haired Andrew looked at his father. His expression carried envy and disgust.
Their father turned back to Cassidy.
"Well done," he told her, putting a hand atop her head and messing up her short blond hair, the same cut and style she shared with her twin. "Go to dinner. Andrew and I have some more work to do."
This was not the first nor the last time Andrew would have to stay later than Cassidy at a training session. She knew the animosity that built up between them over the years, and yet, she did nothing to reconcile it, fearing her father would notice her weakness.
Cassidy, without realizing it, had finished the kata, and slumped to the cold stone floor in tears. She could control her saddness no longer, as it poured all over her hands, her uniform, the floor. She cried deeply, outwardly, in every direction, wanting someone to pick her up and hold her as if she were a baby crying for love.
The moonlight cast a silver glow upon her body, filling her with emptiness beyond explanation. She sat on the floor, shedding emotions that had been pent up for years.
And that was how Tim found her.
"Cassidy?" he said worriedly, quickening his pace to reach her. He knelt at her side. "What happened?"
He looked at the weaponry around him, and back at her with concern.
"Did someone do something to you?" he demanded, noticing the numchaku on the floor. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"No," she said softly, trembling. She leaned into his arms, sobbing quietly. "I'm sorry...I just..."
"No, it's alright," he assured her, wrapping his arms around her. "There's no shame in seeking comfort. It'll be alright, Cassidy."
Cassidy sobbed harder, pressing herself as far into his shirt as she could. Comfort? She clutched his shirt despairingly. This was comfort?
He pulled her far enough away to wipe the tears from her eyes. It was then that she understood. She blinked a few times, tryng to clear her vision.
"You can tell me about it when you're ready," he assured her, his arm still around her shoulders. "Let me help you back to the common room."
With that, and his arm still around her shoulders, he helped her gather her things, and helped her to the common room. Just as she was about to go upstairs, he called softly to her.
"Cassody, would you...want to go to the dance with me?" he asked timidly, raking a hand through his dark hair. His blue eyes smiled at her.
"I...I would be...delighted," she told him, a smile spreading across her face. "Just give me a few minutes..."
She went upstairs, and searched frantically for a dress in her trunk. She realized with a great panic that there was no dress....she had not packed one! Slumping onto her bed, she sighed. She shuffled through the trunk, and suddenly, she saw it.
A long, black dress, empire waist, flowing. A very simple gown, but just enough. Caisidy practically threw herself in the shower, dashed out, pulled on the dress, with some black dress shoes, and looked at her reflection.
"Oh gosh...my hair!" she practically wailed at the short, choppy strands. She ran to her trunk once more, the taffeta gown making soft swishing noises. "I know I have one in here somewhere..."
She finally pulled out a hair dryer, and plugged it in. Standing in front of the mirror, she tried awkwardly to style her hair, and succeeded to her satisfaction. The once choppy layers were now smooth, and curled under nicely, framing her face. Smiling, she raced downstairs to join Tim, who was waiting for her.
"Wow...you look really nice," he said, offereing her his arm. Blushing, she took it.
Just then, Kaze flew through the window, carrying a package. Casiidy took it, along with a note, and smiled at her albino owl. She opened the note:
Cassidy,
I forgot to pack these black gloves with your dress. I hope your Christmas was wonderful. I will be there in a few days to visit with you!
Love
Mom.
P.S. There is a present in here for you! Happy Christmas! I will bring the rest when I come up!
Cassidy smiled, and sent Kaze to her room with the gift. She slipped on the black gloves, which reached just past her elbows, and walked with Tim to the Great Hall.
