Jump = fly.
Jump = change.
Change = fly.
We're on the edge.
Jumpin' it isn't easy.
But, c'mon, let me fly!
It's something about the style. It works. There's power in simpler speech (which I obviously can't do myself :P)
I'm wondering if "it" is necessary since it is currently grammatically incorrect ;)
Will my life end abruptly,
crashed on misty pikes?
Word choice on "crashed." Doesn't feel right.
"Misty pikes" sounds pretty weird too.
Also, I lol'd since Misty is in your avatar.
Or will I be able
to rise and conquer?
A smile and 'Goodbye' ?
What is the speaker going to "conquer"? Ends too abruptly.
If you read it too quickly it reads "and conquer a smile," which makes no sense.
I have problems with the fragmented third line. "Smile and say 'Goodbye'"?
I'm towards the edge now.
If I jump there won't be the same.
If I don't there will always be the same.
What happened to "we" in the first line?
Is the use of "there" as a noun intentional?
Frankly, the last two lines flow terribly and they are hard to read.
Overall, it's simple, but somewhat effective. I'd like to see more relation between the various lines - I feel as though the first stanza could be dropped and the poem would stay the same. The tone changes right after the third line and not in a good way. Try to follow through to the end or
gradually change it.
Another problem I see is that there really is no doubt to the choice which apparently "isn't easy." Convey that keeping change is often easier than changing or convey some other form of doubt.
