PCL Coverage #1!

[bobandbill]

Couple quick comments, I ran out of time to do a full proofread:
- in general the content here seems fine thus far. Good start!
- Need an excerpt (short sentence or two describing the article). I believe Kirby is on the cover image area for this (see skype convos).
- Do clans have any team banners or images for their group? Could consider displaying them in the article if they exist. Not sure about any other image that would fit.
- Use "PokéCommunity" in all instances (sometimes you didn't have a capital C or an accented e).
- In most cases, numbers smaller than 100 should be written out (so three > 3). Some people apply this rule to numbers smaller than 10 instead, but either way this covers a bunch.
- First paragraph is a bit too rambly for my liking (and I'd rather not exaggerate the 'Hello' or 'gentlemens' - no need for the 's'). No need to explain that PCL is how you will refer to it from now on. Maybe to something like...:

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen! And welcome to PokéCommunity's League (PCL for short) coverage!

- 2nd paragraph repeats compete/competitive a bit too much, so a minor reword may be in order.
- Link to the Battle Server and PCL subforum when they are mentioned.

Alright! I think that explains everything here. However, I didn't named the clans, the protagonists on this whole thing!

'name', although I am tempted to cut this down too (optional): "This time around there are four clans in PCL."

Similarly:

There are some battles that will be reviewed, of course. But not every single one of them, that would be way too long and tedious to read.

"We'll review some of the more interesting battles in future articles as well." No need to explain that talking about every battle would suck imo.

 

[gimmepie]

I'll do a more thorough read later, but one thing that jumps out to me is that you use the term "costed" a lot and I think "cost" reads better/makes more sense. I'd also recommend trying to vary your writing a bit because you fall into the same trap I do where you use a lot of the same words and phrases over and over.

 

[bobandbill]

Changes for the second part are in red and bold. Things I put in strikethrough should imo be removed. Note that a lot of full stops/commas have also been changed, so check those.

.[/B] Ghosts Of Perdition and Majestic Milotics have both 450 points. and This could be a decisive week, and it could which would change the tide of the championship. Things were close between this two since the start, with Milotics winning most of their battles on the first week. That allowed them to close up the gap, and get on the fight for the 1st place. Ghosts were leading since the start; they ended up with a good position after the off-season. I'm pretty sure this is going to be the most interesting week that we had so far.

The third clan on the fight is Black Magic. They kinda somewhat managed to stay on the fight. But they are a bit far from the first place with 375 points. They didn't really had a bad start. But last week got a bit tricky, and that costed them a bit. Maybe they end up winning this week They still have a chance to make with up wins this week, and joining the fight for the first place. But, the last clan, Team Orb, is way, behind from the first place with 300 points. They struggled this these last two weeks on their battles, that costed them a lot. They could recover from those bad weeks now, and maybe fight for the 3rd place. That would be interesting to watch. Let's hope for the best, people!

From my point of view, as somebody who was on both seasons of PCL. I can say that, this season is a lot closer than the first one. 3 of 4Three of four clans have a chance for the lead, and things could change from day to night overnight. If those battles go as expected, that is. Luck is a weird thing, and you never know how it's going to work. If you have time, and you want to see something different, I would recommend you to keep track of PCL, at least for this week. Who knows, maybe you find a new interest! Maybe you don't, but I think it would be a nice event to follow and talk about, we don't have a lot of competition around here and at least for me, it's nice to see some of it.

Well then! that's all for today! Thanks for reading this article, please let me know your thoughts about it below, on the comments. I hope you people stay tuned for the next part! With that said, it's my time to leave. Have a good day, afternoon or night!

 

[gimmepie]

Alright! I think that explains everything here. However, I didn't name the clans, the protagonists on this whole thing.

Should be "of this whole thing."

First we have Ghosts of Perdition, they are the champions from the last PCL season and their clan is represented by Aegislash. The second clan is Majestic Milotics, represented by Milotic. Our third clan is Black Magic, represented by Darkrai. And last but not least we have Team Orb, represented by Castform.

Not an essential fix, but try to avoid starting sentences with the word "and".

With that said, it's time to get into the cool part, and the most important part of PCL. The battles!

important part of PCL: The battles!

I won't give a review of every single battle that we had so far, but I'll make a quick rundown on the battles that we had, and mention the position of every single clan, just to keep you updated. There are some battles that will be reviewed, of course. But not every single one of them, that's something for a different series of articles.

There's a lot of redundancy here. You've told us several times that you'll not be covering each battle and you really only need to do so once. Maybe condense it down a bit?

At the time of this article, the 3rd week of the championship is starting. We have a tie for the first position when it comes to points, Ghosts Of Perdition and Majestic Milotics have both 450 points.

Third

This could be a decisive week, which would change the tide of the championship. Things were close between this two since the start, with Milotics winning most of their battles on the first week. That allowed them to close up the gap, and get on the fight for the 1st place; Ghosts were leading since the start, they ended up with a good position after the off-season. I'm pretty sure this is going to be the most interesting week that we had so far.

First

The third clan on the fight is Black Magic. They somewhat managed to stay on the fight. But they are a bit far from the first place with 375 points. They didn't really had a bad start. But last week got a bit tricky, and that cost them a bit. They still have a chance to make with up wins this week and join the fight for the first place.

in
have
"the" is not needed

But, the last clan, Team Orb, is way, behind from the first place with 300 points. They struggled these last two weeks on their battles. They could recover from those bad weeks now, and maybe fight for the 3rd place. That would be interesting to watch. Let's hope for the best, people!

Unneeded "the" again
in

From my point of view, as somebody who was on both seasons of PCL, this season is a lot closer than the first one. Three of four clans have a chance for the lead, and things could change overnight. Luck is a weird thing, and you never know how it's going to work. If you have time, and you want to see something different, I would recommend you to keep track of PCL, at least for this week. Who knows, maybe you find a new interest!

maybe you will find a new interest!

Well then. That's all for today! Thanks for reading this article, please let me know your thoughts about it below, on the comments. I hope you people stay tuned for the next part!

in


Those little things were all I found.

 

[Charlie Brown]

nice job on publishing, Archy! looks great 8)

Moving this to the Published Piece Archive

 

[Fairy]

I'll have a proper cover image for this later today! :)