Poetry by me!

Hikaru's Twin

Clinging to Mrs. Christie
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    21
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    Well i kept promising myself i'd do this some day and now i'm finally doing it. I just wanted to post some of my poems to see what others think of them. ^_^
    The first Poem i'm going to put up is DragonballZ related, yes i used to be a fan of that Anime, but now i don't really care for it so much....Anyways basically this poem just focuses on the relationship between Bulma and Vegeta; people who've watched the Anime will likely understand it a lot better.


    Loving You

    Visions of us walking hand in hand,
    Down the beach..
    Through the sand
    That's what i dream of
    As i watch you there
    Running my fingers through my soft blue hair
    I shake my head coming back to reality instead
    You lay there on the pink sofa
    Watching T.V.
    I sigh heading towards the kitchen..
    There's nothing to see
    "Bulma?" I hear him call
    I walk out of the kitchen,
    Looking at him, as i lean against the wall.
    "Come here" He smiles
    I sit down beside him on the sofa,
    He pulls me into an embrace.
    Blinking a little,
    Surprised, i look up his face.
    He gives me another smile
    I snuggle up to him,
    Laying my head on his muscular chest.
    Those visions that seemed so far away
    Don't matter now..
    Well not today
    I smile to myself thinking,
    "I love you Vegeta, you're the best."​
     
    Wooowww! That was really good! I used to watch DBZ too, but I don't like that new GT thingy.....
    I love how you incorporated the talking into the poem. It really gives it life! Even though I haven't seen your others, if they're as good as this one I'd be suprised if you haven't once thought of getting them published! You're a great poet!
     
    I was wondering what was takin you so long :P.

    All I can say is "Wow" you really captured the situation between Bulma and Vegeta well in your Poem, I really do want to see more of yours.
     
    Aww...thank you all for the lovely compliments, glad you liked it! I will be posting more up soon, though. ^_^
     
    I don't really watch DBZ but that's not the point^_- Even without watching it I love your poem! You harldly ever see anyone adding dialog into poems, I agree with Jordan, it makes it lively. Hmmm...well that's settled! I'm going to go post my poetry too!
    Nice work^___^
     
    I can't wait to see more!
    ......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....
     
    Thanks, Teara ^_^

    100marios said:
    I can't wait to see more!
    ......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....
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    Oh, no i think you should make a Thread for your poem, besides even if it was just one poem, i'm sure your thread wouldn't be wasted because there'd probably be a lot of people filling it up with great compliments about your poem. ^_^
     
    100marios said:
    I can't wait to see more!
    ......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....
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    Your welcome to post it on the thread I made for my poetry^_- I ment to type that I'd like to hear other's poetry but I forgot.
     
    "Too Stuck On You.."

    As a wave of emotion hits me
    You stare at me for a while
    I try to take in what you've just said
    But all i can do is smile..

    But behind that smile
    And this bright disguise
    Are tears yet to spill
    From my watery blue eyes

    You've crushed my hopes
    You've crushed my dreams
    This is the reality
    Not just what it seems

    I love you so much
    You mean so much to me
    But this just seems so wrong
    Not the way it was supposed to be...

    So now i'm a mess
    Can't think what to do
    You're always on my mind
    I'm too deep within reality

    Too stuck on you....

    I wrote this poem late last night, so it might seem a bit messed up and if there's something that you don't quite understand about it, feel free to say.
    The sad thing about "Too Stuck On You" is that it's actually based on a true event. One which i don't want to explain here, but if there's anyone who wants to know about the poem's basis for some reason, then you're best sending me a PM about it...
     
    Wow Sheridan! All your poems seem to touch my heart!
    *decides to keep a box of tissues on hand*
    I would like to know what it's about, but I don't want to poke into personal business. That's a little too nosy hehe....

    How long does it take you to make each of these? You must put a lot of thought into it!
     
    100marios said:
    Wow Sheridan! All your poems seem to touch my heart!
    *decides to keep a box of tissues on hand*
    I would like to know what it's about, but I don't want to poke into personal business. That's a little too nosy hehe....

    How long does it take you to make each of these? You must put a lot of thought into it!
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    Thanks Jordan! ^_^
    Hmm....well it really depends on what i'm writing about. I like to spend time on my poems, so it can range from anything like ten minutes to an hour or more. I don't really keep track of time when i'm writing, though i know this one took me a while because i had to change the stanzas around in order to get it to fit the event chronologically....though in the end i don't think i did as well as i could have...
    As for putting a lot of thought into it, one word..."Always"
     
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    Well, here comes Blaine's constructive criticism, as always. First off, I find you to overuse a lot of your words, particularly "much." I'm sort of biased because I'm very much against love and angst, but I generally like the flow of your poetry. The second one, however, was awfully sloppy and I could tell you were just putting things together. I'm sorry for all the horrible comments, but overall, I sorta' kinda' have to admit, I like them, may they be raw. ^^;;;
     
    Hee hee! That's pretty cute! I thought it was so kawaii, imo ^_^ Nice job

    *dies*
     
    Blaine said:
    Well, here comes Blaine's constructive criticism, as always. First off, I find you to overuse a lot of your words, particularly "much." I'm sort of biased because I'm very much against love and angst, but I generally like the flow of your poetry. The second one, however, was awfully sloppy and I could tell you were just putting things together. I'm sorry for all the horrible comments, but overall, I sorta' kinda' have to admit, I like them, may they be raw. ^^;;;
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    Well personally i hate construtive criticism, i think it hurts peoples feelings more than anything else. But hey, i didn't exactly expect to come into PC and have everyone say my poetry was great. So thank you anyway, Blaine, for your input. ^_^

    EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot!
     
    Hikaru's Twin said:
    Well personally i hate construtive criticism, i think it hurts peoples feelings more than anything else. But hey, i didn't exactly expect to come into PC and have everyone say my poetry was great. So thank you anyway, Blaine, for your input. ^_^

    EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot!
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    You're welcome. But, criticism will improve your skills and tone your receptiveness. Sometimes a little hurt emotion can help.
     
    Agreed. But most people at PC (or so I've noticed) do not like it. There was a war launched against Dizzy before. Anyways, I like the DBZ one. But... its really emotional, something I would not like to have right now(I'm in a bad mood).
     
    bna_li said:
    Agreed. But most people at PC (or so I've noticed) do not like it. There was a war launched against Dizzy before. Anyways, I like the DBZ one. But... its really emotional, something I would not like to have right now(I'm in a bad mood).
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    I know about the "war." And so far, Hikaru's Twin is the only one who said she did not like my constructive criticism. Perhaps if I had apologized like in the others it would have been different. But for now, I'll take my chances. Though, if Hikaru doesn't like my criticism, she can simply PM me and ask me to stop posting in her thread. (This is not meant to be rude or angry in any way.)
     
    I believe Dizzy said something about "I dont want to hear bad things..." etc. Personally from me to you, if you cant say good things, dont say anything...
     
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