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Pokemon Journeys - Johto Region

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OnlyMaster101

Pokemon Chronicles writer
    • 14
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Aug 16, 2008
    Alright this story is about a yound boy named Max and he is now turning ten and is
    now waiting for Prof. Elm to call him. He hears his mother washing the dishes, and he thinks why is she washing the dishes? oh never mind, I just remembered I just had breakfast.
    *phone rings* Max jumps up and and grabs the phone, and hears Prof. Elm talking in the background " I'm gonna give away my first pokemon today!" Prof. Elm come closer to the phone and clears his throat and says, "Hello Max, you seem rather excited, and so am I, come around to my lab and I'll give you your pokemon." Max says, "Thanks Prof. Elm, I'll be right over." Max puts down the phone......

    Thats the end of Part 1, bye for now!

    I know its short and I'm sorry.
     

    Blue Screen of Death

    Wait, what?
    • 323
    Posts
    15
    Years
    GAHH!!!

    First, yes, it is short. Second, where is all of the description and plot? If this is the first part, why did you imply that it was a preview? If you knew it was short, why did you not try to make it longer? Please, PLEASE! Do something about you lack of description, then come up with a story other than "Boy wakes up, boy gets pokemon, boy goes on adventure." Maybe try "Boy wakes up, Meteor hits, boy goes on adventure." Read this for some pointers on OT fics.
    Phew, I'm done.
     
    Last edited:
    icomeanon6

    icomeanon6

    It's "I Come Anon"
    • 1,184
    Posts
    16
    Years
    OnlyMaster101 said:
    I know its short and I'm sorry.
    Click to expand...
    Listen, there is no reason to post a "part" that is this short. Also, the small amount that was there didn't really make much sense, and I'm pretty sure you jumped around between third person and first person narration once.

    There's not much more I can say about it besides pointing out specific grammar mistakes. I'm not going to bother pointing out the grammar mistakes because this was so short that they shouldn't be particularly hard to find. For future reference, you shouldn't post a part of a story unless there's enough of it to really be worth a post. Try typing your story in a word processor first, I'd get at least a page or two before posting anything else.
     
    Astinus

    Astinus

    • 10,179
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • Age 37
    • Seen yesterday
    Read the rules, please. No parts of fics. If you know it's short, make it longer.

    Thread's closed for not meeting the standards of the section.
     
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