I think we all know who the real winner of the Republican primaries is: Barack Obama.
Jokes aside, the candidates this cycle are an...interesting bunch. And by "interesting", I mean crazier than shithouse rats.
First, we have the inevitable nominee, Mitt Romney. I won't talk about Romney's policies, because, in all honesty, he's flip-flopped on so many issues that I'm not even sure what his policies are. I remember a joke that went something along the lines of "A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says 'Hi, Mitt.'". In all honesty, he seems like a man who isn't interested in helping and leading the country so much as getting money and power, and will say pretty much anything to do that. Half of what he says seems to just be pandering to weasel out votes, and the other half just reeks of "rich guy who is disconnected from reality". Like his infamous $10,000 bet early on, his assertion that his wife drives a couple of Cadillacs, the whole Nascar thing, him saying that he likes being able to fire people, and that photograph of him from his days at Bain Capital. Everything about him oozes "rich guy who's disconnected from reality".
Speaking of oozing, Rick Santorum. While all of the candidates are crazy in their own special way, Frothy really goes above and beyond in his craziness and religious zeal. He's likened gay sex to dog ****ing and child rape, grossly misinterpreted and then condemned a JFK speech on religious freedom, spouted some nonsense about the president being a snob because he wanted to educate our children, and there's that whole thing about his last name and the campaign behind its second meaning. The fact that he's experiencing a come from behind victory makes me ashamed to be American.
And on the subject of things that make me ashamed to be American, Newt Gingrich. I could literally go on for pages about how much of a lying, heartless, hypocritical, thick headed, sociopathic cry baby he is, but I'll just confine it to a sentence. He wants to build a base on the moon, he divorced his first wife while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer, cheated on his second wife while she was suffering from multiple sclerosis, tried to establish a polygamous relationship with her and the woman he was cheating on her with, and when that failed, divorced her, and all the while he was arranging for the impeachment of Bill Clinton based on Monicagate, caused a shut down of Washington because Bill Clinton made him sit at the back of a plane, and MY GOD I WANT TO PUNCH HIM SO MUCH GAAAAAH
*ahem* And finally, there's Ron Paul. I wouldn't really mention him at all, since he hasn't won a single state, even Maine and Idaho, the arguable homes of Libertarianism, and it doesn't seem like he'll be winning any states any time soon, given how low his favorability rating is, but if I don't I'll be swarmed by Paulbots, so nonetheless. First fault: the Paulbots. My god, the Paulbots. Now, unless you've been reading comment sections or browsing Youtube, or have been looking at Internet polls (and I take it most of you aren't doing these things), you haven't really experienced the sheer annoyance that is the Paulbots. Basically, what they do is come in and swarm comments sections, the like/dislike buttons, and Internet polls to make it look like there's a huge amount of support for him when there isn't. It's bloody annoying (and before you ask, he did do this back in his 2008 run, but not to the extent that he is doing it this cycle, and I wasn't as involved in politics as I was now so it wasn't as much of a bother). Outside of that, there's the fact he wants to repeal the Civil Rights Acts, has published racist newsletters comparing blacks to zoo animals, wants to completely de-regulate the economy even though that's what caused this bloody recession in the first place, has some intellectual basis in the teachings of Ayn Rand and Objectivism (which would automatically keep me from voting for him), and has some support from some...rather questionable groups. Something amusing I read in a comments section of a Youtube video (don't ask why I was reading that, I don't know) basically sums up my thoughts on him: "RON PAUL 1912!!!"
Ugh. I sincerely hope that none of these kooks get elected into office. I know I certainly won't vote for them, because a) they're all crazy, b) I don't turn 18 until December, and c) I'm very left-wing in my views (think Ralph Nader, Clement Attlee, Nelson Mandela, almost all of Scandinavia, etc.) and I couldn't really ever see myself voting Republican. Sometimes I can hardly see myself voting Democrat.
As for who I'm rooting for the most out of these four (I am personally endorsing Obama in the general election unless Nader changes his mind and jumps in), I'd say Romney. It'll be a major step for America to put a Mormon on the national stage after we, you know, massacred Mormons and exiled them to Utah in the 1800s. Can't see him winning the election, but the Republican party putting up a Mormon has some huge implications.
