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I manage to fool myself into thinking I'm confident at times, but really I'm an insecure mess. :catsad:
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Ivysaur
Grass dinosaur extraordinaire
- 21,042
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- Age 34
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- Madrid, Europe
- Seen Nov 30, 2024
Extremely high. I'm very capable of doing most things I want to (of course, nobody is perfect). It's only a matter of being bothered to try hard enough, which sadly I'm only in certain cases.
But when you have several people at work telling you that you're a genius and complimenting you, you win prizes for being "smartest student of the year" and friends telling you they have crushes on you without you trying, it's like... Yeah, I got a bit of an ego. Thankfully I'm also extremely self-conscious and my brain does this thing in which it constantly reminds myself of all the times I fucked up in the past, like when I was in high school and said this very stupid -and absurdly self-confident, now that I reflect on it- thing and the idiots in my class laughed at me and I shudder >_>;
I'm also shy when talking to people I just know a bit, and I'm also very emphatetic, so that prevents me from getting too high on the kool-aid and becoming a sociopath. I hope.
Thinking about it, I realise that the reason why I wasn't bullied at school despite being this massive single-friend nerd is that the first idiot who tried to bully me ended up crying after I got back to him. And the jocks on high school, well, I just ignored them massively because who gave a shit, so they weren't getting any encouragement from me. And then the last day I lapped them in a race (I'm actually decent at running a mile) and they were "oh shit this guy is better than us in class and also on this sport, what the fuck" and that made me so happy to experience. Like, anyone trying to bully me, fuck you I'm better than you and I'll prove it to you. I just don't do it unless necessary.
But when you have several people at work telling you that you're a genius and complimenting you, you win prizes for being "smartest student of the year" and friends telling you they have crushes on you without you trying, it's like... Yeah, I got a bit of an ego. Thankfully I'm also extremely self-conscious and my brain does this thing in which it constantly reminds myself of all the times I fucked up in the past, like when I was in high school and said this very stupid -and absurdly self-confident, now that I reflect on it- thing and the idiots in my class laughed at me and I shudder >_>;
I'm also shy when talking to people I just know a bit, and I'm also very emphatetic, so that prevents me from getting too high on the kool-aid and becoming a sociopath. I hope.
Thinking about it, I realise that the reason why I wasn't bullied at school despite being this massive single-friend nerd is that the first idiot who tried to bully me ended up crying after I got back to him. And the jocks on high school, well, I just ignored them massively because who gave a shit, so they weren't getting any encouragement from me. And then the last day I lapped them in a race (I'm actually decent at running a mile) and they were "oh shit this guy is better than us in class and also on this sport, what the fuck" and that made me so happy to experience. Like, anyone trying to bully me, fuck you I'm better than you and I'll prove it to you. I just don't do it unless necessary.
Last edited:
- 6,443
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- Dani California
- Seen today
I tend to get very low confidence. Like other folks, I compare myself to others way too much in social and creative situations. I'm trying to get rid of that mindset, but it's slow going.