The Christmas Carol Crackfic OF DOOM

[Elite Overlord LeSabre™]

"Fine. My job has been completed. Now you must await the next ghost. Farewell..."

With that, Scrooge sat bolt upright in his bed, sweat dripping down his forehead. He looked at the clock next to him. "1:35."

"It was all a dream. Stupid Marley... Wasn't any help when we had to team up back in Victory Road either..."

"WAKE UP!"

Scrooge awakened to find a thin man in a white lab coat and shades staring over him. He was rubbing his chin intently.

"Wh...who are you...?" Scrooge stuttered.

"I am Ein, the Ghost of Christmas Present. Yeah, I know I'm not technically dead, but since I've been all but forgotten since Colosseum, I may as well be. Oh, and I found this piece of paper outside your room door."

Opening the note, Scrooge read, "When does a painter use a pistol instead of a paintbrush?"

"Arrgh, I don't have time for this!"

"Okay, then why don't you come with me instead? Oh, and you don't have a say in this matter. Let's go."

"Wha... What is the point of this?"

"Simple," Ein replied. "Sure, you're nice and comfortable here in your room with coffee-maker, high-speed internet, cable television, and signature Quality Sleeper mattress by Serta, but what about your employees? What about the ones you force to tirelessly write fan fiction? How are they spending Christmas? Aren't you the least bit curious?"

Scrooge shook his head. "I don't give a..."

"Well, that's too bad." Ein then draped Scrooge over his shoulder and headed out the back of the hotel to his '95 Buick Century. "Let's go for a little ride."

After a few minutes, they pulled in front of Lisa Northwood's mansion. You know that young girl Lisa you have working for you? Imagine the misery she's in, forced to spend her Christmas in a ramshackle place like this..."

"Wait a minute!" Scrooge retorted. "This place is bigger than mine! And she's got more cars in front of her house than a car dealership! And that one... isn't that a flux capacitor on the roof?"

"Okay, yeah, bad example. She's filthy rich. But! She isn't the only employee of yours. Bay Alexison and Bob Cratchit... Either of those names ring a bell?"

"Yeah, probably...."

"Choose one of them," Ein instructed. "We'll then see what they're doing this Christmas Eve."

 

[SkyBlue]

"Can anyone hear us?!" yelled Dianne in the Buick (the LeSabre of Lisa).

"Move over!"

"Ow..."

"Pika! Pika pika pi pikachu!"

"MOVE IT!"

"I can't breathe..."

 

[Giratina ♀]

"Alexison," grumbled Scrooge. "I needed to make sure she was doing her job properly anyway." At this, Ein merely flicked his Cowlick of Remarkable Peril to the right side of his face and pulled Scrooge back into the Century. He made a motion for Scrooge to stay where he was, and then calmly walked around to the trunk.

"Where are you going?" snapped Scrooge. "I need to get this over with and check on Alexison!"

"Be silent," said Ein. He stopped walking in front of the trunk.

And he opened it.

"Hello, freeloaders," he said irritably. "Please exaculate yourselves from my car."

OutOfCtrl;
Don't you agree it would be more active if the Buick was magical and could transfer trunk cargo like Mokonas do? [shot'd]

 

[bobandbill]

OOC: *points at advice to focus less on randomness and more on moving the plot onwards" Just a reminder, peoples.

___________________________


"Ok, things are getting weirder," Bob lamented. "Firstly, we get dragged around by Giratina, and now this Zero fellow is the ghost of Christmas Past, and a guy from our fic became the ghost of Chirstmas Present! While we get left behind here! Sure, we did go and try out that casino for a bit, but all they same they should have waited for us...and why are they doing this anyway?" They sat by the front doorstep of Scrooge's door, cold and hungry.

"Maybe it's an attempt to make Scrooge nice and all by bringing up childhood trauma so he'll hire us all as fanfic writers?" Bill suggested.

"Of course"! Bob cried, getting to his feet and waking back and forth quickly over the snow. "If that's so, then...then... we'll have to help out to! Then...something will happen, we'll get hired, and then PROFIT!!!!!"

"But first we'll have to go and find someone," Bill piped up, as he also stood up and started walking down the street. Bob earnestly followed him, trying to keep up. "And we'll have to do it before he finishes his business with the Ghost of Christmas Present. What we need after the Past and Present is, simply, the Ghost of Christmasssssses That Are In Teh Future!!!1!!."

"But wherever would we find one of those?" Bob moaned. Suddenly Bill pointed to a building, with a neon sign by the front. It read:

GHOSTS OF CHRISTMASSSSSSES THAT ARE IN TEH FUTURE!!!1!! READY FOR HIRE
Open only on Christmas Eve every year!

We accept fanfics as payment​

"Well, that was easy," Bob said as they went in.

 

[Bay]

bobandbill, thank you. And Giratina...I hate you for making me trying to come up something in the spot. :x

***
Before Ein did anything, the freeloaders immediately ran off, knew what he was capable of doing. The Golduck left a confused expression on his face while the man just shrugged.

"Okay then, to Alexison's place." Ein stared the engine and the Century took off once more.

***
While the two were riding, Scrooge cringed when he saw people singing Christmas songs and children building snowman. To him, they were unless activities to get people away from work.

Bah humbug, those people enjoy wasting time.

Eventually the two made it to Bay's small brick house, decorated in Christmas lights. Scrooge and Ein got out of the car and looked through the window. Inside, the woman was besides her desk with her hands on her forehead, the blank document right before her eyes.

"Damn, Scrooge…" she muttered. "Making me work tomorrow. At Christmas Day, of all days dear Arceus!"

"What she has to be mad at me about? She's the one that isn't 'inspired' to write any fanfiction at the moment." Ein said nothing in this case.

Bay continued to grunt until she heard a doorbell right. When she went to open the door, the lady grinned.

"Bob! Tiny Tim!" Come in, come in!"

"Bob? What he and his son doing here?" Scrooge complained.

"I assume you know Tiny Tim?" Ein asked with a smirk.

Scrooge nodded. "Yes, I do. He keeps telling me how he needs more money to pay for his son's medical bills. That boy always seems to catch a cold or something worse every few days."

"But that boy was born with a very weak immune system. Surely you have to feel sorry for him."

Scrooge was about to answer, but he got distracted when he heard everyone speaking.

"Hell, Miss Alexison. We came here to give you a present, from the Cratchit family."

"Merry Christmas, Miss Alex…"Tiny Tim was unable to finish as he began coughing, leaving Bay with a horrified expression.

"Bob, why you let go outside?"

Bob was about to answer, but stopped when the two adults saw Tiny Tim answered. "I was the one that asked." He coughed again before he continued. " I personally never saw you before." Another cough. "You're very pretty."

Scrooge glared at Tiny Tim. "Pretty? Hah, she's nothing but a she-ma…" Ein hushed him before Scrooge could continue.

Bay gasped and was speechless at first. She had her right hand touch her chest.

"Aw, thank you, Tiny Tim." She then turned to Cratchit. "And what present that might be?"

Cratchit gave Bay a round box. The lady immediately opened her gift, only to see on her hands a furry white coat.

"My wife knew you didn't have enough money to get yourself warmer clothes, so I suggested she make you a coat. Took her all month to make this, actually."

The lady flashed the two guests a smile. "Thank you!" After giving Tiny Tim and Cratchit a hug, she set aside the coat on her sofa.

"Well, even though both of us have to work tomorrow, I still think the both of us will have a good Christmas." Despite Cratchit sounding cheerful, Scrooge noticed that the man's tone of voice was of sadness and hopelessness, causing him to grin.

"Maybe…"

Tiny Tim frowned when he heard the adults not sounding cheerful. No Christmas this time?

Scrooge chuckled. "Good. That's the way it's supposed—both of them unhappy."

Ein could not help but glared at the old man, disgusted by that comment. "Well then, I guess that's all for tonight." Without warning, he grabbed Scrooge and the two drove off back to the Golduck's mansion.

 

[SkyBlue]

"Calling us freeloaders...flippin' heck, we were trying to help!" grumbled Dianne, panting as well.

"Think we could go over to that LeSabre again, say we wanna help?" Ash suggested, then realized something.

"I LEFT MY HAT IN THAT THING!" He grabbed Dianne, who grabbed Kirk, who grabbed Red, who grabbed Yellow, who grabbed Karone, who grabbed Leo, who grabbed the four Pikachu.

And they all ran after the LeSabre, which was going towards Scrooge's mansion at an astonishing speed, 'cause, well, a very MAD Ash who has lost his hat is quite fast and strong.

"Come back here! I left my hat in your trunk!" he yelled.

 

[bobandbill]

OOC: This died a bit. C'mon, let's finish this before the New Year or by it at least! (Incidentally I'll be out during the last 12 ours of the 31st/at least half of the 1st...although I have the New Year before many of you due to time zones).

_________________________________

"Well, we did it! After that current Ghost is finished with Scrooge that other one we just hired will show up and guide him to...something, I'm sure," Bob said triumphantly as the two walked out.

"But we're going to have to write some fic involving them going on an adventure as payment somehow. Starring cheese as the villain," Bill moaned.

"Relax, they didn't say it had to be any good. Gotta like loopholes in the contracts I make up," Bob grinned back. "No, let's go and see if we can't find him."

"And if we can't?" Bill asked.

"Then we'll get drunk and begin writing that fanfic," Bob responded, as Ein and Scrooge drove past towards Scrooge's house.

"Bah, humbug," Scrooge muttered as they stopped at a red light in the middle of an intersection. "This isn't even my Buick, this. And we past two perfectly good Holiday Inns on the way here. Where are you taking me, and why?" he demanded, but Ein remained silent at the wheel, the soft hum of the car becoming the sole sound Scrooge could hear.

"Bah, humbug," Scrooge said again, glancing out through the window at two men walk into a pub, away from the constant snow fall. Ein then turned on the radio, a loud, cheery tune beginning as he continued to drive through the elements.

"Jitterbug...Jitterbug...Jitterbug...Jitterbug..." the song began, as Scrooge groaned.

"No, not jitterbug, I said humbug!" Scrooge yelled, but to little avail as Ein began singing.

"You send the boom boom to my heart..."

 

[SkyBlue]

(This fic is dying! Let's inject some Deadpool, hm?)

"Darn...Scrooge refused my fic, said something about characters being OOC...I AM MY CHARACTER! I'M DEADPOOL, FOR DEATH'S SAKE!" Deadpool kicked a rock right into the reader's face.

"Sorry!" He lowered his head, muttering something about "needing new ghosts" when...

"MAKE WAY! COMING THROUGH!" Ash Ketchum yelled, bumping into Deadpool.

"Sorry, Dead!" Dianne called out.

Deadpool grinned, expressive mask showing it off. He had an idea. One very helpful idea.

---

"YEAH!" he yelled, stolen Jeep (Tommy's, poor fella) rumbling down the sidewalk. "COMING THROUGH!"

The others, meanwhile, heard the Jeep. "What was that?" Dianne asked.

Ash sighed. "Deadpool, I bet. Let's run, my hat's still in there!"

 

[Miz en Scène]

OOC: Found some time, let's do this. XD
X****----------------****X

"Here you are sirs," said Mizan, while walking forward with a small hooded figure in tow.

He motioned towards the two gentleman, namely Bob and Bill, who were standing in the snowy street.

"Here's your Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come ready for your abu- I mean use to torment living souls." Mizan flashed a salesmen smile that made the two men feel rather uncomfortable about the whole idea of 'renting a ghost'. "He's a Piplup," said Mizan, while looking at Bob's questioning face, "with a scythe for teh lulz."

The four men and a Pokemon stood in the bitter cold awkwardly. Obviously, Mizan was not a superb conversationalist and his last attempts at bringing up xkcd as a subject matter had ended in disaster.

"Wait, why are you delivering the ghost?" asked Bill questioningly.

"Oh, I work on Christmas since I don't celebrate it. Don't worry, I have a number if odd-jobs around town."

The Piplup who was the GOCYTC tugged at Mizan's sleeve and looked at him.

"Oh yeah," said Mizan. "Nimoi here specifies that the type of cheese in the fic he wants as payment has to be Stilton cheese. No exceptions.

With that, Mizan walked of leaving the two men standing in the cold with a fan fic hungry piplup holding a scythe.

"That was short," muttered Xavi.

"No time," replied Mizan as he teleported off to the Lounge to watch Scrooge's Carol unfold.

***********************
Written in the reply box. XD

 

[SkyBlue]

Dianne stuck a hand into her pocket and realized something.

"KETCHUM, YOUR HAT LANDED IN MY POCKET SOMEHOW!" She pulled it out for everyone to see.

"Arceus," some people finally swore.

"D*mn," muttered Deadpool, stopping right in front of Bob and Bill, and a scythe-holding Piplup.

"Oh, freesh." Dianne hopped off the Jeep, walking right up to the three.