The Plot Bunny Thread

[Astinus]

Agreeing that this does need some more information to it to help lessen reader confusion.

It would make more sense to me that with civilization, comes society.

Eh...this is bothering me for some reason. I mean, as was pointed out, Pokemon can already speak. They have their own language, as was shown in the anime and the various manga. So I started out thinking that this device that is being introduced would just simply translate the Pokemon's language to be understood by humans. So they can already speak. It's just like if someone is talking to you in a different language, and you couldn't understand them. But they knew what they were talking about. (Check the eleventh episode of the first Pokemon season, "Charmander - The Stray Pokemon", to see a brief scene where Pikachu has to tell Ash what Charmander told Pikachu. Pikachu knew the words and how to say them in Pikachu's own language, but the humans don't have a clue.)

So I guess what my problem is with what I know from canon and what you told about your story is that it's like other languages don't lead to civilization. It's only English that makes a society civilized.

Another example of this again comes from the Pokemon anime: Team Rocket's Meowth. He talks like a human, walks like a human, and very rarely wears human clothes. He only does when he's trying to enter more into human society (like getting a job). Most of the time, though, he's running around without any clothes on.

What does this technology actually do, then? And how would it be used to control minds if all it does is translate languages?

And what's with the evil organization? With all that you said, all I'm picturing is one lone Dewott wearing clothes. Is there more people/Pokemon as a part of this organization? Do Pokemon mainly make up this organization, which would need some explanation, especially since canon really tells us that "there's no such thing as a bad Pokemon".

(Grovyle would eventually take ownership of the main character)

Ownership? I'm not sure what you were going for here. That reads as if Grovyle will actually become the owner of the main male character. I'm thinking that you meant it the other way around, but... Well, if the Pokemon can suddenly be understood, wouldn't it change the way training and everything else is done? Especially if suddenly Pokemon become way more human-like? If they wear clothes and form organizations, what's stopping them from going even further?

I think you should think some more on this story idea. You have the start of something, but there's a lot more that needs expanding. The technology, how it works, what it could lead to, how it changes the way Pokemon and humans interact... Those are the main things to think about because of how much the technology could change that world. While keeping in mind how the canon world works, depending on which canon you follow.

 

[Spinor]

Ok, so I think it's time for me to share my latest brilliance :D

What I'm plotting is basically a crossover between My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and the Anime canon of Pokemon.

The background is that after Team Galactic's downfall, Charon went on to create a new group dedicated to space/time research.

Oh, but first the funny part: Equestria is actually a hidden land within the Pokemon world. I have the detail on how this is justified. And basically Ponies and Pokemon split according to legends thousands of years ago.

Charon researches these legends and now plans to create a sort of powerful hybrid between an unicorn and a ditto. A ditto would have the most pure and manipulatable Pokemon DNA. Charon also finds out how to transcend the space/time warping to Equestria. However nothing material can go through.

This is resolved by him using the powers of Musharna and dreams. The result is that a stream of dreams can go to and from Equestria. The dreams can also be manipulated and materialized thanks to Musharna.

Twilight Sparkle, the main Pony character, got caught into the 'dream scheme' because her magical essence forced her dreams to be the strongest and least risky for the operation.

So Twilight Sparkle ended up existing in two places at the same time: asleep in Equestria, and under a different time continuum in the Pokemon world under Charon's control.

Then some bad genetic engineering stuff happens and she gives birth to Codename: PokèPony.

So when the dream stream is shut down, space/time stabilizes and Twilight wakes up with fragments of memories of the dream. Which can be said that it occurred under 'inception' logic, but the dream was real and involved usage of Ph.D Quantum Mechanics and Parabolic Calculus ad nauseum.

And... That wasn't the fanfic, that was its background and foundation for its story. I actually don't have a complete plot, but I feel like this is a lot to work with.

So basically PokePony is the antagonist. I plan for her downfall to actually be tragic. Twilight Sparkle and her friends manage to teleport to the Pokemon world with the Pony Ruby. The pony ruby also happens to allow Twilight and her friends to change between pony and human form. I then initiate interaction between them and the main Pokemon cast Ash, Iris, and Cilan.

Side stories include a little shipping between Ash and Twilight [Ash doesn't know that Twilight is a pony until she has to transform to save his life] and maybe give Ash a tour of Equestria.

The main conflict would be that Charon is using PokéPony to steal Pokemon. Ash, Twilight, and co. try to intersect, and [for no details on cause, atm] PokéPony is sent on a semi-psychotic frenzy. Ash and co. conflict with Charon over the search and control of her. She is, after all, Twilight's daughter.

So I'm not far from having a complete story. I'll appreciate comments and suggestions.

 

[JX Valentine]

What I'm plotting is basically a crossover between My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and the Anime canon of Pokemon.

I'm sorry. I can't go any further. My brain imploded from how amazing this single sentence is.

Seriously, DO IT. I gather that the entire bit about Inception and abuse of the laws of quantum physics will be made a bit clearer (with a lot of handwaving) in the fic, but beyond that? I'd read the **** out of this.

The only suggestion I can think of revolves around the uncertainty of the plot. While I'd love to see the ponies and Team Ash interact, that plot's going to be your main pillar for supporting this crossover. I guess you can figure things out by asking yourself why Charon needed to make PokéPony and why he wants to use her to steal Pokémon. Once you figure that part out, you'll probably find it a bit easier to go from there.

 

[Bohemian_Rhapsody]

Questions for a Story I had Written A Long Time Ago

Once upon a time, I was seriously in love with Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness. (I'm still in love with it but that's another story.) After I finished it, I thought it would be interesting to see a sequel be spawned out from it, particularly because of its ending and my own speculations about the main bad guys. So what started out as a game idea turned into a story idea. The plot went something like this (bear with me, I no longer have the story in front of me as I write this):

Thirty years has passed since the events of Michael(our hero) and the Snag Machine and the Orre region has been relatively peaceful since then. Cipher literally disappeared from the map and Grandmaster Greevil has long since been dead. Eldes had reformed and now works with Michael in the Pokemon Lab. Michael is now the new Pokemon Professor after the one before him retired and has a son. During this peacetime, Michael decided it was necessary to create an organization to make sure Shadow Pokemon never appear in the Orre region again, aptly named Alpha & Omega. For a while it didn't seem like they were ever going to be needed.
Meanwhile, Ardos decides it's time to revive Cipher under a new name (which I cannot remember at this point in time), with the creation of a new project he had been working on while outside of the Orre region and in hiding. This project is called XD002 or rather Lorelei and it's essentially a killing machine of a Pokemon. Created from the DNA of other strong Pokemon, (Lugia, Milotec, Banette, Mewtwo, etc etc) Lorelei is the first triple ability Pokemon and first Pokemon to be "born" with its heart closed, a "born" Shadow Pokemon. This makes it not only immensely powerful, but ruthless and nigh impossible to open it's heart. The new Grandmaster Ardos hasn't revealed his plans for the Orre region but it's safe to say that it's not benevolent. Also, ust what is he doing with the Legendary Pokemon?
So it's up to Michael's son, Aiden and a new ally, a mysterious girl who not only can identify Shadow Pokemon without the use of a Snag Machine, but can communicate with them as well. They must stop Ardos's plans from coming into fruitation or else the world could be lost to Shadow Pokemon for good.​

I had drawn several pictures to accompany the story but I gave up on it, fearing that it was too cliche and expected. I'm sort of curious to take up this project again but I need ideas. Should I continue this story? And if so, what should I change about it?
Comments and questions are appreciated.

 

[bobandbill]

Moved to the plot bunny thread as this what it is for.

One question I have is if Michael decides how this organisation is made and all then when does that happen during the 30 years gap given he's only a kid by the end of XD...so I imagine it wouldn't have been right away without a lot of help from other people.

I also wonder why there's a need for him to use a Pokemon spliced from the DNA of multiple legendaries...and Pokemon like Bannette which aren't really regarded as that strong generally seems a bit odd to me and possibly hard to explain (such as - why use the DNA of a Mewtwo if they had/have a Mewtwo, and if not where did they get such DNA?). (as a note it's also the same name
as a E4 member in Kanto which initially confused me because my mind went 'Shadow Lorelei what' XD).

This Aiden fellow and the mysterious girl... would they also be a parallel to Wes and Rui in the first game? (As a note I would be curious if you'd touch on those two in the story or not). That and does Michael take part in this as well or would he just leave it up to his son (because around then he'd be 40... which isn't really that old).

 

[sheep261]

Hi there everyone, I've come here for help with my fanfic, which I've only started and I want to make it be a great story which everyone can enjoy.

The plot I'm going along with is this:

Ash, who the reader discovers has been away from his friends for a long time, decides to return back home and see what has happened when he was away. When he speaks to his old Professor, Ash is told of what happened of the events that occurred when he left, which the reader will get multiple flashbacks if events, before Professor Oak tells Ash of a upcoming tournament. After this, Ash sets off on another journey to see his old friends, where he decides to hurt his friends in the same way they hurt him all though years go. These events would occur over numerous chapters, with each separate character possibly getting their own chapter, maybe two if needed, as some of the battles are going to be gyms ans possibly contests as well.

After all of this, Ash then heads off onto the tournament, which all of his friends will be attending as well, before the truth is revealed by the return of an old nemesis.

I know this might not be the best plot ever, so that's why I'm going to need some help with it. I'm open to any new ideas, and I'm especially grateful for constructive criticism as well.

 

[Spinor]

Hi there everyone, I've come here for help with my fanfic, which I've only started and I want to make it be a great story which everyone can enjoy.

The plot I'm going along with is this:

Ash, who the reader discovers has been away from his friends for a long time, decides to return back home and see what has happened when he was away. When he speaks to his old Professor, Ash is told of what happened of the events that occurred when he left, which the reader will get multiple flashbacks if events, before Professor Oak tells Ash of a upcoming tournament. After this, Ash sets off on another journey to see his old friends, where he decides to hurt his friends in the same way they hurt him all though years go. These events would occur over numerous chapters, with each separate character possibly getting their own chapter, maybe two if needed, as some of the battles are going to be gyms ans possibly contests as well.

After all of this, Ash then heads off onto the tournament, which all of his friends will be attending as well, before the truth is revealed by the return of an old nemesis.

I know this might not be the best plot ever, so that's why I'm going to need some help with it. I'm open to any new ideas, and I'm especially grateful for constructive criticism as well.

Well, I'm glad you do have an abstract for your fic. Quite original (I think) since besides the tournament you'll also have Ash interact in interesting ways with his friends.

Keep in mind, however, that Ash was not the type to do contests in the anime, so you might want to scrap that possibility. Just focus on the league and his interactions with as many of his friends as possible and I'm sure your first fic will be a great one. Make sure you keep working on the details of all that.

 

[Bay]

Hi there everyone, I've come here for help with my fanfic, which I've only started and I want to make it be a great story which everyone can enjoy.

The plot I'm going along with is this:

Ash, who the reader discovers has been away from his friends for a long time, decides to return back home and see what has happened when he was away. When he speaks to his old Professor, Ash is told of what happened of the events that occurred when he left, which the reader will get multiple flashbacks if events, before Professor Oak tells Ash of a upcoming tournament. After this, Ash sets off on another journey to see his old friends, where he decides to hurt his friends in the same way they hurt him all though years go. These events would occur over numerous chapters, with each separate character possibly getting their own chapter, maybe two if needed, as some of the battles are going to be gyms ans possibly contests as well.

After all of this, Ash then heads off onto the tournament, which all of his friends will be attending as well, before the truth is revealed by the return of an old nemesis.

I know this might not be the best plot ever, so that's why I'm going to need some help with it. I'm open to any new ideas, and I'm especially grateful for constructive criticism as well.

Only thing I'm worried about is the part where you mention Ash will hurt his friends the way they hurt them. I don't see Ash the type to have grudges like that. Frustrations, maybe, but that's more when he didn't do so well in battles. Also, I don't see Ash's friends the type to hurt him/anyone either. If you have really, really good reason for that, though, then that part sounds interesting and would make for good character development for Ash.

Another thing is will the flashbacks be in several chapters too? If so, then you're having two plots going around here: what happened to Ash while he's away and him interacting with his friends again. I see this idea being broken down into two stories. I'll admit I'm not the biggest fan of sequels, but that's the only way I'm seeing this idea work.

 

[sheep261]

Thanks for pointing this out Bay. When I mean Ash is going to "hurt" his friends, I don't mean physically, I meant to say mentally, as I putting in Ash wants to make them feel how he felt (which shall be explained soon if you read my chapter XD), but I can understand the confusion.

And about the flashbacks; these are only going to be based on 2 chapters as i don't need them to be long. The long parts are going to be when he meets his friends etc. I'm not planning to do a sequel, and I certainly wasn't planning one for this anyway.

Thanks for your help!

 

[superjesus]

Great story needs critiquing

I'm new to this site, but have an interesting story that needs a little help. If all goes well, I may turn it into a hack. its kinda long, so bear with me:

Once upon a time in New Bark Town, three boys met in school and became fast friends. Elm, the nerdy one, was being picked on when Giovanni and Palmer stepped in to save him. To thank the boys for saving his son, Elm's father searched for an appropriate gift, and gave them each an Eevee to raise as their partner. The three boys spent every day together until they finished school, and all decided to move to Kanto to make lives for themselves. Elm quickly found a job as a scientist at the famous Saffron City Silph Corporation, while Palmer found a job at the Magnet Train and Giovanni began working to keep the local Gym in top shape. Within a few years, all three men found wives. Giovanni found a beautiful widow with a daughter named Karen. Palmer fell in love and married a wealthy girl from a prestigious and charitable family. And Elm married a sickly woman suffering from a chronic disease. The three families had children at about the same time. Elm's wife gave birth to Lyra, a healthy girl with no sign of her mother's illness. Giovanni's wife gave birth to Gold, a baby boy whose smile warmed the hearts of all who saw him. Palmer's wife gave birth to Silver, a happy boy who loved to play with Lyra and Gold. However, the strain of Lyra's pregnancy almost killed her mother. Elm, realizing that his wife needed rest, decided to move his family back to New Bark Town to relax. He managed to get a research grant from Silph, and after waving bye to his friends, left for home. After constantly borrowing money from friends to support his family, Giovanni decided that his job at the Gym would not be enough, and started a life of crime. When Palmer found out, he was furious, but Giovanni told him that he would never understand because he had married rich. Palmer was honor-bound to not turn his friend over to the police, so instead did all he could to thwart the schemes of the newly formed crime syndicate. His efforts were noticed throughout Kanto, and he was nominated to a position on the Elite Four, the governing body of Kanto and Johto. Unfortunately, his actions provoked the crime syndicate, who made many attempts on his life. Meanwhile, through deceit and bribery, Giovanni had established himself as the head of all the crime in Kanto, and decided to name his operation Team Rocket, after the villainous group long forgotten in the nation's history. He personally put a stop to the attempts on his old friend's life, but at the same time was unable to stop a rouge group within Team Rocket from trying to aim at Palmer's family one last time. Palmer was forced to move his family back to New Bark Town as well and finally accepted the position as Elite Four member. Now firmly in control of all the crime in Kanto, Giovanni took over Silph Co. and other legitimate businesses within the region, including the Magnet Train. He then moved his family back to New Bark Town as well, and bribed or threatened his way to become the Gym leader and Mayor of the nearby Blackthorn City. He knew it would take time, but Giovanni swore to himself that he would eventually rule all of Kanto and Johto.


In New Bark Town, Karen, Gold, Lyra and Silver grew up together. Lyra began to idolize Karen, and thought of her as a big sister. Silver fell in love with Karen, and competed with Gold and Lyra for her attention, but because of the age gap, was never really noticed. As time passed, Karen eventually left for Goldenrod to become a model, and with her father's support, became the youngest Gym Leader and Mayor the city ever had. But tragedy struck when Silver's mother was killed in a car accident. Sure of foul play, Silver stopped talking to Gold and Lyra, and focused on his schoolwork, but was never able to please his distant father. In the Meantime, Giovanni hatched a plan to take over both regions. Karen was happy to help her father in his goal, and prepared to take over the Goldenrod Radio Tower and broadcast a hypnotic signal across Kanto and Johto. Giovanni would also have help from his other two lieutenants: Koga, the Gym Leader and Mayor of Azalea town, who would turn a blind eye to the illegal activity in his town while synthesizing a special drug that would be useful to the mob, and Jasmine, the Gym Leader and Mayor of Olivine City, who owns a large steel mill, and would be running an illegal underground facility and dumping all of the chemical waste from her mill into a nearby lake, using the Mafia's resources to avoid getting caught. Gold began hearing whispers of these plans, and decided to go on a journey to investigate. His mother however asked him to finish school first. At age sixteen, all three kids graduated high school early and decided to start their own journey. Elm became slightly overprotective of Lyra, and pleaded with her to stay, but was reassured that she would only go to Goldenrod to visit Karen. To prepare Gold for the journey ahead, Elm decided to offer him one of his three new research subjects sent from Silph. Gold sets out and decides to stop his father's enterprises with his own hands, knowing full well that the entire police force has already been bought off. Silver vows revenge for his mother's death, and leaves to crush them all, including his former friend: Gold. Yet his love for Karen remains unchanged.


After dealing with these separate problems, Gold goes to the ruling power of the two regions called the Elite Four and Champion, which includes his father's old friend Palmer. After confronting them about their lack of action regarding the recent illegal activity, he returns home, only to receive a boarding pass for a ship that will take him to Kanto, where he uncovers the truth about his father's past. In Kanto, Gold meets some of the Elite Four, who have left their posts and returned to being Gym Leaders in their home towns. After getting the answers he wants, Gold returns home, only to find that his trip to Kanto was only a ploy to get him out of the way. While he was gone, his father, sister, Koga, and Jasmine have all taken positions on the Elite Four. Giovanni takes the top position as Champion, while Palmer retains his position as the one right below. The remaining three spots are taken by the three mayors. Also, Giovanni has passed a law stating that no one under a certain age can take office, which was made to stop Gold from taking power. Gold returns home to find his mother, father, and sister casually enjoying a meal. After taking a deep breath and thinking about all that has happened, Gold sits down to eat with his family.


this story is all about family, politics, light and dark. I want to bring back the mafia elements from R/B/Y, but make it like The Godfather, while at the same time make it about light and dark like Star Wars. So far, I'm sure that Palmer will be an Electric Type trainer (Light), while Giovanni will be the Dark Type trainer who is a combination of Don Corleone and Darth Vader. Any other ideas?

 

[bobandbill]

I'll move this to the Plot Bunny thread for you as that thread is for getting feedback on story ideas.

I'll note that canonically Palmer's son is Barry, or well, the rival in D/P/Pt, not Gold. That and also canonically (both in the manga and in the games via default names) Silver is the name of Giovanni's son and Gold is the GSC protagonist. I'm also curious as to why they travel at the age of 16 after high school given in Pokemon trainers tend to leave at an earlier age and all. That and Giovanni is a Ground Type trainer... so although this seems to be in a alternate universe a few of those things stuck out to me as a bit odd when I glanced at what you have so far.

 

[superjesus]

useless canon

I am well aware of the existing canon and have even gone so far as to watch pokemon live (It Will All Be Mine) and read almost all of pokemon adventures (manga) for any loose ends. however, this story has the whole dad-is-badguy thing from star wars, and i always thought that silver looks too evil to be a protagonist. the reverse is then true for silver, whose father is a good guy, but ends up evil. one of the themes will be NOT following your set path, and instead choosing your own destiny. I'm thinking that when gold finally meets his father at blackthorn gym, giovanni explains that everything up till now was just training to take over team rocket, and thats why every trainer became gradually stronger. also, one of the things i always hated about rpgs in general was that people always give you random stuff. in this story, every gift item that is not earned (most key items) will be given due to giovanni's influence. he is setting the whole thing up. As for school, wanted to make it clear that all the characters are intelligent teenagers, instead of completely naive 10 year olds. i figured that graduating early would demonstrate that well. also, im going for the gritty realism (except for the pokemon) so i thought school would be a natural choice.

thanks for reading, though.

 

[topgunitsme]

pokemon: dark times

THE PLOT - team rocket magma and aqua have come to together to form a truce they have understood that there is no sense fighting against each other.They are terrorizing and every1 and imprisoning anyone who dares to stop them.even prof oak is missing.people hv no choice but to cooperate and watch them torture pokemon and use them for evil purposes

brendan,ash,gary,etc. hv been defeated and imprisoned an old man who is about to be executed leaves his pokemon (lugia) in the hands of a young boy/protangonist.it is upto him to save the world.

ANY FEEDBACK WILL BE APPRECIATED

THANKS.

 

[bobandbill]

THE PLOT - team rocket magma and aqua have come to together to form a truce they have understood that there is no sense fighting against each other.They are terrorizing and every1 and imprisoning anyone who dares to stop them.even prof oak is missing.people hv no choice but to cooperate and watch them torture pokemon and use them for evil purposes

brendan,ash,gary,etc. hv been defeated and imprisoned an old man who is about to be executed leaves his pokemon (lugia) in the hands of a young boy/protangonist.it is upto him to save the world.

ANY FEEDBACK WILL BE APPRECIATED

THANKS.

I suppose my main questions would be to why they formed a truce in that there was 'no sense fighting each other' - only way I can see that happening is them realising that their own goals are odd (because they're pretty much complete opposites - one is for expanding landmass, the other at reducing it. That and they're no so much criminal gangs as eco-terrorists acting on what they truly think is 'right' by canon.) And I'm not sure why they need to agree when you could have your own teams cooperating or rather just one completely different team with more power then them. That's need to be well established in the story to be believable to readers though if you keep to Magma and Aqua working together.

I'd also like to know how the old man has a Lugia himself and is unable to use it as well to break out and so forth, so that would have to be carefully considered - why he'd only be able to give it to another trainer. I'm interesting in how said trainer would get by with his sudden legendary in his possession - certainly a lot of potential there but it depends how you go about it I suppose.

 

[topgunitsme]

pokemon: dark times

first of all thank you for your feedback.......

the truce was formed because they knew that they would never achieve their goals if they kept fighting each other...

now the three factions have their own seperate territories....

the old man was about to be executed so he gave his lugia to the young boy who then escaped and became a "fugitive" considering the that the bad guys are running the place.The old man thought that the young boy was their only hope.how did the old man get the lugia??? well he was a great trainer when he was young and the other pokemon were stolen from him and he somehow managed to protect the lugia

i shall now expand more this.....

instead of gym leaders there are admins appointed by the respective bosses and instead of the elite four there are the bosses and the fourth one is mewtwo(both as a trainer and a pokemon).

and the protagonist has to defeat them all.

instead of pokemon centres there are underground places in each city where pokemon and can be healed and items can be bought.

 

[JX Valentine]

the truce was formed because they knew that they would never achieve their goals if they kept fighting each other...

They won't gain anything if they work together, either. Their goals conflict.

Put it this way. The reason why Aqua and Magma fight is because they want completely different things. Aqua wants to expand the oceans because they believe that doing this will give land-dwellers more water to use for crops/drinking/whatever. Magma wants to expand the land because they believe doing that would give land-dwellers more room to farm/roam around/whatever. Because there's limited space on the planet, naturally, Aqua and Magma are against each other because if one of them achieved their goals, the other would logically fail at theirs. You can't have both of them achieving what they set out to do at the same time.

Rocket, meanwhile, just wants to take over the world, so it'd be in their best interests to wait until the evil teams of each region just destroyed themselves one way or another. (That's what their strategy was in the anime-verse's Sinnoh, anyway.) What makes the conflict between Magma and Aqua convenient for the Rockets is that they're pretty much killing each other due to a massive stalemate, so the Rockets just have to sit back and watch the fighting until both teams finally beat each other into the ground. (This is also sort of what happened in the anime.)

So, you have two teams that directly oppose each other because their goals completely conflict and one team that doesn't give a crap so long as they're the ones left standing. Therefore, while Team Rocket might team up with another evil team (although this would mean they'd have to take care of that team at the end in order to get all of the planet), you can't have Teams Aqua and Magma forming a truce until you decide who's giving up their goals and why... which actually defeats the purpose of what you were saying (about how the teams are working together to achieve their goals).

Now, while you could argue that each team is just focusing on achieving their goals in a particular region, keep in mind that each one is focusing on a global level. Team Rocket wants to take over the world, and they don't want to share it with anyone else but themselves. Team Aqua wants to help the world by expanding all of the oceans. Team Magma wants to help the world by expanding all of the landmasses. They wouldn't be satisfied with just part of the world. After all, Team Rocket will look at the shares their fellow teams have and think about what would happen if it was theirs, and Teams Aqua and Magma would worry about the land-dwellers in the other two regions. So, you're back to having them form conflicts with each other.

I guess this is all just saying that not every evil team is the same as another one. Shrugging off the goals that they actually have will just circle back to that same question of why they're teaming up. Rather, if you really must have each evil team form a truce, you'll want to think about how those teams operate and what goals they're giving up. Especially with Teams Aqua and Magma, whose goals are pretty much completely different from every other evil team (including each other).

the old man was about to be executed so he gave his lugia to the young boy

...But you really didn't answer bobandbill's question, if you don't mind me saying so.

Lugia are legendary Pokémon, which means they're generally extremely powerful and rare. Most legendaries are even hidden in places that are pretty difficult to get to, and Lugia is most certainly one of those kinds. (I mean, it's not just enough for Lugia to hide in a cave. Nope. It has to hide in a cave surrounded by dangerous whirlpools.) So, that would imply that the old man is a pretty strong and powerful person, especially if he was able to keep Lugia tame after all of those years. How, then, would he be captured, and why didn't he simply use Lugia to escape? I mean, even if we don't consider the old man himself (although we should, considering he had to have been in good condition to get Lugia in the first place), you've got an ancient and powerful Pokémon that could easily Aeroblast the crap out of any of its master's potential captors. And even if the old man was caught, that would just mean that Lugia would easily Aeroblast the roof off the jail cell and sweep its master to safety. Why, then, would he simply give his legendary Pokémon to some kid he doesn't know instead of use it to defend himself? (Be careful with the answer to this. You've also implied that Lugia helps the boy to escape, so if that's the case, then there really shouldn't be much of a reason why Lugia couldn't help its master to do so.)

Not to mention you'll want to be warned. Giving a kid a legendary tends to lead to creating a Mary Sue. I won't say for certain that this boy is because, obviously, I know nothing about him, but I will say that if everything comes easy to him after that point, yes, you could have a Sue on your hands.

Other than that, looks like a standard trainer fic crossed with a crapsack world. It might have potential, but first, you'd have to fill in the above plot holes to get it to work.

 

[topgunitsme]

i would like to thank you for your feedback..


now if team aqua and magma are fighting then they both r surrounded by both sides cuz there r ppl who will be trying to fight them so this truce has been made so that they both compromise a little and are able to fight off opposition you may have heard of this in kg "united we stand,divided we fall".all three teams have understood their mistake they thought that they should now work together cuz then it will be easier to crush anyone who dares to stop them.its like there are 3 mafia families...

and srry i forgot to mention that this "lugia" is an offspring of lugia ...and the old man sacrificed himself for this boy as he was too old to fight pokemon battles so he gives this lugia (lvl 5 of course) to this boy.He belives that this boy can fight off the 3 teams.

 

[JX Valentine]

now if team aqua and magma are fighting then they both r surrounded by both sides cuz there r ppl who will be trying to fight them so this truce has been made so that they both compromise a little and are able to fight off opposition you may have heard of this in kg "united we stand,divided we fall".all three teams have understood their mistake they thought that they should now work together cuz then it will be easier to crush anyone who dares to stop them.its like there are 3 mafia families...

Still doesn't answer the initial question. The problem is that Teams Aqua and Magma are against each other because their goals are just not compatible.

To make it clearer, let's say you're a one-man team called Team Apple, I'm on a team called Team No-Apple, and there's a table between us with an apple sitting on it. Now, it's your goal as part of Team Apple to get that apple and keep it for yourself because apples are delicious and everything you need. It's my goal to take that apple and throw it in a fire because I believe that apples are the cause of everything that's wrong with the world. If I compromise with you, then that means we're at a stalemate because neither of our goals would get accomplished. If I let you have the apple, I fail at destroying the apple. If you give me the apple, then you fail because you don't get to protect the apple. It's a no-win situation.

In the same vein, think of it like this. Team Aqua is about taking away land, whereas Team Magma is about giving more of it to people. Meanwhile, Team Magma is about taking away water, whereas Team Aqua is about giving more of it to people. If Team Magma gave in, that would mean Team Aqua would take away land and give people more water, but if Team Aqua gave in, that would mean Team Magma would take away water and give people more land. That's why it's no-win, and that's why they're completely against one another.

Team Rocket, meanwhile, is against every evil team technically. Back to the apple example, let's say bobandbill is a member of Team Every Apple, whose goal is to take every apple in the world and put them in boxes so that no one else can get them. If he teamed up with you, that means all the apples are saved, I'm defeated, and he can waltz in and backstab you whenever he wants. If he teamed up with me, that means no one gets apples, I win, and he can still backstab me whenever he wants. However, if he decides to work exactly as he is (read: not benefiting either side but instead attempting to work towards his own goal himself), then that means we both lose because the apples are put in a box. Team Apple loses because no one gets to benefit from delicious, delicious apples, and Team No Apple loses because the bane of the universe still exists... just in the hands of a megalomaniac dictator who will use the mystical power of apples to force everyone else into submission. Still no-win.

Team Rocket is a lot like this. Its main goal, as I've mentioned earlier, is to take over the world. There's various ways it can do this. One of them is by giving one team the advantage, letting that team destroy the opposition, and stepping in to backstab that team and take their share. Another is to work on its own, biding its time while the other teams destroy each other/get destroyed by ten-year-olds and their friends, or simply seizing power while the others are preoccupied with doing their own thing. Either way, ultimately, Team Rocket wants the world to itself, and dividing it among various people doesn't sit well with them because that means that, ultimately, they have competition. (Side note: If you'd really like to know, gangs and mafia families are also like this. Competition is not something that they'd particularly like to have around, and it's easier to destroy -- if not attempt to assimilate -- other groups than it is to be more than one crime family existing at the same time in essentially the same territory.)

In other words, you still have to consider what each team is after. A lot of writers have tried in the past to get various evil teams to unite and take over the world or whatnot, but in doing so, they completely ignore the main point of each group. As a result, it's the same thing as taking a character completely OOC. It's just missing the point of what those characters are trying to do. That's why fics with team-ups tend to fall flat on their faces.

and srry i forgot to mention that this "lugia" is an offspring of lugia ...and the old man sacrificed himself for this boy as he was too old to fight pokemon battles so he gives this lugia (lvl 5 of course) to this boy.He belives that this boy can fight off the 3 teams.

While there's been baby Lugia in the anime, they usually come complete with overprotective parents who would Aeroblast the crap out of anyone who would attempt to capture them. So, the fact that the old man still had a baby Lugia without getting fried doesn't quite sit well with me.

Second, it's still a Lugia. If we're still going by anime canon, it's not entirely unheard of for Pokémon to act on their own to protect their owners, and Lugia are still immensely powerful Pokémon. So, the question of why this one didn't just help the old man to break out still stands.

Third, may I ask why it's important for the protagonist to have a Lugia/why this moment is, in general, important for the plot? I mean, the entire part about the old man just feels like a plot point for getting the protagonist a legendary starter, and given the fact that the evil teams could capture it and its trainer in the first place, it feels like it wouldn't matter whether the main character had a Lugia or not. If there was some significant reason why the kid's starter has to be a Lugia (like its particular powers are exactly what are needed to take down the teams' doomsday device or what-have-you), maybe it'd be easier to swallow, but right now, it looks like you're having the MC go on what equates to a badge quest while taking down a dystopian government. A character can do that with a Rattata, and honestly, it'd probably be more interesting to read about (because that would involve watching the character struggle to get that Rattata strong enough to beat anything, as opposed to watching the character just have Lugia Aeroblast whatever was in its way).

 

[superjesus]

lucky topgun gets all the attention. still, its an interesting story, and I think the divide between magma and aqua could be factored into the story. for example, the temporary truce they had created to gain control of the region would be over, and they would start attacking each other, with team rocket of course waiting it out. this makes sense because they could get rid of any opposition like law enforcement or 10 year old masters, then focus on each other. maybe the main character could act as a double agent, destroying both from the inside, or have a branching storyline where you could team up with either group and eventually beat the rockets and save the old man.

 

[JX Valentine]

lucky topgun gets all the attention.

Honestly, the reason why I didn't respond to your idea is because it could potentially trigger a rant about AUs, canon, why teenagers are not necessarily intelligent in comparison with preteens depending on who you're talking about, the definition of "gritty realism," and the use of Star Wars as a model for any kind of story. Suffice to say, it's not my cuppa, but it might be someone else's. Might. Depending on how it's written.

and I think the divide between magma and aqua could be factored into the story.

*nods* My point exactly.

for example, the temporary truce they had created to gain control of the region would be over, and they would start attacking each other, with team rocket of course waiting it out. this makes sense because they could get rid of any opposition like law enforcement or 10 year old masters, then focus on each other. maybe the main character could act as a double agent, destroying both from the inside, or have a branching storyline where you could team up with either group and eventually beat the rockets and save the old man.

This is a viable possibility that could fix that plot hole, although it would mean that topgun would have to pitch his idea of "kid goes around a dystopia defeating all the leaders of a bunch of villainous teams." After all, if he wants his story to take place after the teams gained power, that would mean that Team Aqua and Magma would focus on destroying each other, which in turn would probably mean there's no reason for the kid to get involved unless the teams were thinking about resurrecting Hoenn's legendaries again.

But in any case, it's a possibility that makes more sense than "Teams Aqua and Magma are practically BFFs now" with no reference to the fact that they're pretty much against equal and opposite things. Still, it's ultimately up to topgun what goes on in his story, and if he wants to keep the dystopia, I'd highly encourage him to think about how to keep the dystopia while still making sense about it, which in turn involves doing a lot of thinking about how each team operates and why they're doing what they're doing in canon.

As a side note, it's generally a good idea, when offering advice on improving a plot bunny, to avoid giving an author an entire plot bunny yourself. (As in, yes to plot advice. No to "you should have the character do X, Y, and Z!") The reason why is because your main goal in these kinds of threads is to get a writer to think about the weaknesses and possibilities of their plot, rather than to think about another plot entirely. I do admit that I proposed having the kid get an ordinary Pokémon instead, but notice that this was an example to show that there needs to be more thought put into the Lugia part (or to show that there's other possibilities besides giving the kid a Lugia and risking Sueism).