The Post Your Problems Thread

[Oryx]

I'm not sure what to say,
there are valid points on both sides of the argument.

I suggest doing what you feel is right.

(a fun fact, my first girlfriend broke up with me just before valentine's day and her birthday. thank god, i still have my money now :P )

She probably did that on purpose, when I felt that I couldn't justify my first boyfriend spending a lot of money on me for Valentine's, I made sure to break up before it so he didn't end up spending a lot of money on me. There's a huge breakup spike the week before Valentine's and the week before Christmas for that reason.

I don't mind if I get in trouble, as long as I don't wreck anything on HER side... Though I've never had an ex not like me after we end it, and I don't plan on starting now.

Quite the predicament.

I thinking breaking up before the 7 months would be a bit mean, though, since it's 3 days after her birthday. Also, I won't actually get to see her until the anniversary. :\ And anything will be in person.

Yeah, if you want to break up in person and won't see her till the anniversary, probably not a good idea to break up with her then. I wouldn't wait more than a week though, it's too hard to pull off pretending everything's fine when it's not. And I think a lot of people are assuming you're going to tell her that you waited for a bit? I would suggest, um...not doing that.

 

[Legobricks]

If your partner is understanding of you (though I'm assuming a decent reason on your part), as one ought to be, there should be no problem whatever time you break up.

She probably did that on purpose, when I felt that I couldn't justify my first boyfriend spending a lot of money on me for Valentine's, I made sure to break up before it so he didn't end up spending a lot of money on me. There's a huge breakup spike the week before Valentine's and the week before Christmas for that reason.

Interesting. According to what statistics?

 

[Darthatron]

She probably did that on purpose, when I felt that I couldn't justify my first boyfriend spending a lot of money on me for Valentine's, I made sure to break up before it so he didn't end up spending a lot of money on me. There's a huge breakup spike the week before Valentine's and the week before Christmas for that reason.

Indeed.

Yeah, if you want to break up in person and won't see her till the anniversary, probably not a good idea to break up with her then. I wouldn't wait more than a week though, it's too hard to pull off pretending everything's fine when it's not. And I think a lot of people are assuming you're going to tell her that you waited for a bit? I would suggest, um...not doing that.

I definitely didn't plan on telling her that. :P

Alright, my plan is end it sometime before next weekend, then. FANTASTIC!

 

[Osha_say_wott?!]

Hi. I am college student and at this moment, I live in the dorms inside the University I attend. My best friend goes to the same University as me. Last semester (Fall 2010) I asked him to become my roommate for this semester (Spring 2011). He said no becuase his old roommate asked him before to be his roommate again. I was ok with it. Then during this semester, I found out that his old roommate is leaving this semester so that means that my friend will not have a roommate next semester. I asked him like 4 or 5 times during this semester if he wants to become my roommate. He always tell me that he is not sure because he was applying to become an R.A (Resident Assitant) and that if he doesn't become an R.A then he will try to be a R.A's roommate to not have room checks (since he is a kinda messy guy). Ok, then time passed by, and he got rejected of becomeing R.A. Then, he try to be an R.A's roommate, but all the R.A's already had roommates, so he could not become a R.A's roommate. He now (almost at the end of the semester) is asking me to become his roommate, but I already have 2 roommates for next semester because he rejected me like 4 or 5 times. I really wanted to become my best friend's roommate but I constantly felt bad because he rejected me a lot, and now I don't know if to become his roommate or to stay with the 2 people that already accepted to become my roommates some days ago. What should I do?

If he's really your best friend then you should talk to him about how he made you feel bad from the constant rejections. Just tell him how you weren't cool he kept rejecting your offer. Hopefully that should get you over how bad you felt. If you really want to be roommates with your best bud, and if the other 2 people will be with a room if you so choose not to room with them, then go ahead and room with him. If not, then tell him he missed his opportunity and you're not going to be his last resort because he couldn't be an RA or an RA's roommate. Really, only you can decide what you really want to do. Hope that helps.^^

 

[mikey]

Might as well...

For the last couple of months, I've been feeling pretty down. I've also been pretty lonely. None of my friends make an effort to hang out or anything. I find myself a lot of the time having nothing to do, so I either sit in front of the computer or watch TV. I hate it.

Believe me, im not that kid that has no social life or that kid that sits in the corner all the time staring at the wall. I have a social life, it's not great, but I have one. I also have things to do sometimes, so im not bored all of the time.

Something happened to me yesterday night. I was in my room when my parents walked in and sat down. They started to ask me a series of questions that I had a hard time answering. They asked me if I were depressed, if I were sad, if I wanted to get counseling, if I were thinking of hurting myself, etc.

This came as a surprise to me, because I know that I haven't been myself lately, but I didn't think it was that noticeable or serious.

I can't even look at my parents, knowing that they think all of that about me. I feel like nothing will be the same now. I don't know what to do.

Should I maybe go for counseling? Or should I wait it out until High School graduation in two months. Honestly, I think that my sadness is coming from High School, not because I get bullied or anything, but because my friends could care less about me.

I also have one friend who has noticed that I haven't been myself. I want to tell him what happened to me last night, with my parents, and tell him about how I might be depressed, but I don't want him to think i'm annoying or anything. Should I tell him? I don't want this to mess up our friendship though, but I feel like I should talk to him about it. He's my best friend.

So yeah, any feedback? I'd appreciate it. (Sorry if some things are hard to understand)

 

[Shining Raichu]

Might as well...

For the last couple of months, I've been feeling pretty down. I've also been pretty lonely. None of my friends make an effort to hang out or anything. I find myself a lot of the time having nothing to do, so I either sit in front of the computer or watch TV. I hate it.

Believe me, im not that kid that has no social life or that kid that sits in the corner all the time staring at the wall. I have a social life, it's not great, but I have one. I also have things to do sometimes, so im not bored all of the time.

Something happened to me yesterday night. I was in my room when my parents walked in and sat down. They started to ask me a series of questions that I had a hard time answering. They asked me if I were depressed, if I were sad, if I wanted to get counseling, if I were thinking of hurting myself, etc.

This came as a surprise to me, because I know that I haven't been myself lately, but I didn't think it was that noticeable or serious.

I can't even look at my parents, knowing that they think all of that about me. I feel like nothing will be the same now. I don't know what to do.

Should I maybe go for counseling? Or should I wait it out until High School graduation in two months. Honestly, I think that my sadness is coming from High School, not because I get bullied or anything, but because my friends could care less about me.

I also have one friend who has noticed that I haven't been myself. I want to tell him what happened to me last night, with my parents, and tell him about how I might be depressed, but I don't want him to think i'm annoying or anything. Should I tell him? I don't want this to mess up our friendship though, but I feel like I should talk to him about it. He's my best friend.

So yeah, any feedback? I'd appreciate it. (Sorry if some things are hard to understand)

If it's been going on for a few months, then it's probably something more than just feeling down. If you are depressed, it's probably better you do something about it sooner than later.

Even if your sadness is coming from high school, I don't think your problems would end when you leave, because you'd still feel lonely without your friends even if you didn't have school to remind you of it all every day.

The friend you want to tell - I'd tell him. It won't mess up your friendship, if he's really your friend anyway. And the fact that he has noticed means that he does care about you, which means your problems may not be as bad as you feel they are right now. I've never been in this situation, so I don't pretend to know what you're going through, but whenever someone does have a problem like this the people always advise talking to someone.

I know what you mean about your parents, I'd find it hard to look at mine knowing they were thinking that about me, but they just love you and want you to be happy.

So, I say try counselling, or even just tell your friend - but talk to someone. It's never good to let these things fester, and it could get worse if you just leave it and hope it goes away.

 

[Bolens]

Am I Normal?

Hi everyone... I just want to share my predicament. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 months now :) Every time we're not together I miss her so much! It hurts being away from her, it sucks :( Is it normal to miss your girlfriend so much? I see her every weekday, just when she leaves all my sanity seems to go with it. :(

 

[Oryx]

For a 17 year old, yeah, that's completely normal.

 

[Bela]

Yeah that sounds about right. =)

 

[Bolens]

Yeah that sounds about right. =)

Sometimes I debate if killing myself would make the pain go away :( I just don't know.. I'm really screwed up :( I have tried to kill myself on multiple occasions...like choking myself :( I'm not even worth any girl's love :(

 

[Nutella]

Hi everyone... I just want to share my predicament. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 months now :) Every time we're not together I miss her so much! It hurts being away from her, it sucks :( Is it normal to miss your girlfriend so much? I see her every weekday, just when she leaves all my sanity seems to go with it. :(

It's not normal to miss somebody that much that you see on a regular basis. Not at all. What are these people telling you?! It's normal to experience heartache, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but not "your sanity slipping away." I suspect you're an insecure person.

Sometimes I debate if killing myself would make the pain go away

Some say that suicide spreads the pain onto others- you know, the ones that will miss you and all those other trivialities- like your girlfriend.

I just don't know.. I'm really screwed up I have tried to kill myself on multiple occasions...like choking myself

I'm angry that you haven't sought out help. Throw your pride, or whatever that is barring you away, and seek psychological help. It's not normal to contemplate and/or attempt suicide on "multiple occasions."

I'm not even worth any girl's love

You know we're all going to tell you "that's not true" and ****, but that won't make you better, I assure you. An ego trip, for sure, but it won't make you better. Once you have lapped up enough shallow praise, please get help.

 

[Bolens]

Thanks everyone :) It was rough, but my girlfriend really helped show me how much I do matter in this world :) Sorry for being a ***** to everyone, my life was just falling apart :( I hope i can keep it on track now, and have the best times with my girlfriend...ALIVE :)

 

[NamelessGuy]

So, a new problem arose for me just the other day:

I posted about a week ago explaining my current situation with this girl I'm into, but barely know. Now, I'm only 16 (nearly 17), but I've been hoping for a long-term relationship for a while now. I'm tired of the drama associated with hook-ups. I get the feeling that this girl's not interested, but I've dated enough girls in my school to know that she's the only person that I'd want to have a relationship with. She has a lovely personality, and she's pretty damn cute. I occasionally talk to her, but she responds without smiling, and in a quiet, almost upset tone of voice. However, she also smiles at me too, and sometimes laughs at what I say. This is rarer, though.

I met her in September, and we talked sporadically until about mid-November, when she suddenly changed her behavior. She seemed happy to talk to me until then. That's when she began to avoid me (or talk less).

Anyway, here's the situation: I recently heard from two of my friends that she was caught doing something illegal, which I laughed off as a joke at first. However, it turned out to be true. She wasn't in class for the past week and a half, and one of my friends told me she was distraught over what happened. I realize that she may not be worth it after getting in trouble, but I feel like she's not the one to blame for this. She was in a group when this happened, after all.

Now, she's apparently suspended and might be facing expulsion if the school board appeals for it. I'm not upset at her for doing this, strangely. Worried is probably a better word. I don't know her all too well, but she means a lot to me. I don't know how my emotions will fare if she ends up being expelled... not well, no doubt.

I also have trouble getting over certain things, and relationships and major crushes are a couple of them. If this girl was forced out, I'd be devastated. Time and time again I've tried to get her out of my mind, and nothing works.

I desperately want to help her in any way I possibly can, but because of this little gap we have, I can't tell her how I feel. I don't have her number, but my friend does. I've asked him for advice, and he just reassured me in saying that she would be okay, but he also said that she is in mental pain and needs help.

All I want to do is talk to her, and see if I can comfort her in any way. I thought about asking my friend for her number, but that would be a foolish move on my part. Then I thought about messaging her on Facebook, but I doubt she'd check it, and she'd probably think of me as a freak (which I already am, in my opinion).

Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, but I had to clear this little fiasco out of my mind and onto virtual paper.

 

[Spinor]

Educational Crisis:

So my interests are in the fields of physics and computer engineering. However, I've been having recent experiences that have been putting pressure on me to petroleum engineering.

It's not just my parents putting that pressure, it's my conscience. I tend to have just this natural instinct to want to help something that might have a critical effect. And so far I know for a fact that the field is going to weaken. My dad brought me to the recent Offshore Technology Conference in Houston and I can confirm for my self the retirement rate will be massively larger than the college graduate rate in coming years.

And I don't exactly want to feel like I'll be doing something with my life I'll only be bittersweetly satisfied with, but I don't want to feel I could have put effort into contributing something great that might save the field, especially since it seems that oil independence is still a couple or more generations away before it can be executed correctly.

My parents are putting a lot of hope and expectations on me. I know I still have time to decide, college is still technically a long way, but I've also been feeling that time has just been accelerating, and if I don't make up my mind well in advance or have a rough roadmap I will get caught by surprise.

edits: Elaborating bittersweet, I know I could enjoy things of the field like the fluid dynamics and physics as well as the mathematics and technology, not to mention the job is very high paying (by my research and experience), but then there's the core of petroleum engineering with the unique concepts and terminology and then the more pure aspects of it I'm afraid I might not grasp, if you know what I mean.

 

[Esper]

all that stuff you said

Sounds like she could be having a bad time right now, but do you think you could do something to help her? I mean, you said you don't really talk right now so from her perspective you might not be close at all and if you tried to help it might come off as sudden. Plus, you know, you like her and that complicates things since you've got two feelings acting together. You want to help her and you want to date her.

I guess you should ask yourself what you think would be best for her right now. Would she want to be dating anyone if she's not feeling well? Without really knowing what's going on I would guess that what she needs is a friend. If you think you can be a friend then try talking to her. From my total outside perspective it seems like the worst that could happen is she says she doesn't want to talk.

Just be considerate toward her and you'll figure out what to do.

 

[NamelessGuy]

Sounds like she could be having a bad time right now, but do you think you could do something to help her? I mean, you said you don't really talk right now so from her perspective you might not be close at all and if you tried to help it might come off as sudden. Plus, you know, you like her and that complicates things since you've got two feelings acting together. You want to help her and you want to date her.

I guess you should ask yourself what you think would be best for her right now. Would she want to be dating anyone if she's not feeling well? Without really knowing what's going on I would guess that what she needs is a friend. If you think you can be a friend then try talking to her. From my total outside perspective it seems like the worst that could happen is she says she doesn't want to talk.

Just be considerate toward her and you'll figure out what to do.

Thanks for the input. I don't intend to start dating her right away. If she returns to school, I'll be casual and friendly to her for the time being. For an offense this serious, her chances are probably 50/50. But I'm also assuming it's the first time she's done something like this. If it is, they might let her off easy.

 

[Charizard★]

Well, lately my parents are saying I've been acting really depressed, I don't really see it, but they do. I recently talked with my ex, and all the feelings I let go came back, it's like I couldn't figure out what to say so all I ended up saying was 'Hi, ummm...., bye!' then walking away. That was the first time I talked to her all month, and it seemed like she didn't even care. It got me thinking all the time we had been close and while we were going out, she didn't seem to care if I was there or not. I used to walk her to her class everyday and even if I was late one day she wouldn't wait for me like I would wait for her. It's like I was putting in all the effort. And then after we broke up, I took some advice and stopped talking to her and walking her to her classes. But then one time on Facebook she had 'Truth is....' on her status and I 'liked it' so I could see what I would get. And well, this is what I got:

Truth is... You are good looking whether you believe it or not. I enjoy hangin out with you a lot. You have to play just dance one of these days. I like the fact that you are indian. I am very fortunate to have a friend like you. I hope we can become even better friends. I wish we had a class together. I like how you understand me and make me feel better when i am depressed. I like how you are shy and timid. I love the fact that you like my family. Truth is... You are amazing!

And then I felt horrible for ignoring her all that time, but all my friends said that avoiding her would be better. So I listened to them and after a month I talked to her and she didn't even care. (As I stated before) It's like I wasted all that time with her. I feel like an idiot for ever falling for her. And now it feels like I'm missing something, something important, ever get that feeling? It takes it toll on me, along with other problems I have. So any tips on how to feel a bit better? I'm up for anything right now.

 

[Impo]

I have recently found out a friend of mine has been inducing self-harm upon herself. I found out and desperately want to cheer her up.... Just, how do I do that?

 

[インフェルノの津波]

I have recently found out a friend of mine has been inducing self-harm upon herself. I found out and desperately want to cheer her up.... Just, how do I do that?

Let's ask the obvious question first: Why is she doing that? Is there anything in her life that's changed?

 

[Impo]

Let's ask the obvious question first: Why is she doing that? Is there anything in her life that's changed?

No, apparently it isn't something new. She was having pains, and I squeezed what happened out of her (I didn't know it was something like that, so I may have been a little childish). I believe it's the pressure of her life. She's an academic genius and such.