Things that anime characters would never say.

[Mr Cat Dog]

Self explanitory title, neh?

Pokemon and AG

Takeshi - I'm gay, Nurse Joy.
Pikachu - Jigglypuff?
Satoshi - I'm giving up all this Pokemon crap. I WANNA BE AN ASTRONAUT!
Kazumi/Haruka - I love you Satoshi, and want your babies!

Cardcaptor Sakura

Sakura - You know, I think I'll let those cards go free. I'm sure they hated being in that big ol' book.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Edward Elric - God! It's Sunday! I have to get to church!
Roy Mustang - Women should not be allowed to how their disgusting and filthy legs! They shall pollute the minds of our most loyal soldiers! WOMEN MUST NOT BE IN THE MILITARY!
Major Armstrong - Does this suit make me look fat?

 

[Jack O'Neill]

Pokemon

Nurse Joy: Where'd I put the cyanide?

Jessie: Let's just stop trying to steal Pikachu. I'm sure that the boss doesn't care by now.

Ash: Pokemon are a disease, a cancer of this region. They are a plague, and Team Rocket is the cure.

Brock: I hate women. They have cooties.

Professor Oak: I give up on this Pokemon nonsense. I've wasted almost my entire life on this. I might as well move on.

Officer Jenny: I'm gonna go plant some evidence.


Inuyasha

Miroku: I hate women. They have cooties.

Naraku: Why do I even need these shards, anyway? *gives them away to Kagome*

Sango: I like it when Miroku gropes me.

Naraku: Why can't we all just get along?

Inuyasha: Screw the Tetsusaiga. I'm getting myself a gun.

Sesshomaru: Rin, go away!

Rin: I hate you, Sesshomaru!

Jaken: Screw Sesshomaru, man! I'm joining Inuyasha's group!

Inuyasha: *after barely being scratched by a demon* Aah! I surrender!


Digimon

Takato: I'm giving up Digimon and moving to Pokemon.

Tai: *after being confronted w/ a baby Digimon* RUN AWAY!!!

Davis: Let's actually think this through before we charge in blindly.

Izzy: And this does what now?

Joe: Let's charge in recklessly without any regard for our personal wellbeing! AAH!!!

J.P.: I hate Zoe.

Jeri: Why do I even have this stupid sock puppet in the first place? *throws away the sock puppet*


Fullmetal Alchemist

Maes Hughes: I hate my daughter. I wish that she was never born.

Roy Mustang: Only YOU can prevent forest fires.

Riza Hawkeye: I hate guns.

Scar: Screw my religion! I wanna become a State Alchemist!

Zolf Kimblee: Explosions scare me!

Gluttony: I'm not hungry right now.

Ed: What's alchemy?

Roy Mustang: The mere thought of women in miniskirts sickens me.

Barry the Chopper: I don't wanna kill anymore!

 

[AngelMina]

Pokemon:Advanced & including Misty..
- Ash/Satoshi:I hate Pokemon , Pikachu is my dumbest choice of my first pokemon ever!
-May/Hakura: ASH I HATE YOU and I am not traveling with you anymore!!!!
-Brock: I hate women there total a *****
-Misty/Kasumi: I hate all Pokemon! and I hate ASH!

Cardcaptors:
- sakura: I am letting the clow cards free and giving up on being the master.
-Li: I am in love with you madison!!!!
-Madison: Im not making anymore costumes or fliming things anymore.

Inuyasha:
-Miroku: I hate women there just a waste ,especially Sango.
-Inuyasha: I hate kagome shes just a plain old human.
-Sango: im giving up on this journey with you guys and im not a demon slayer anymore.
-Kagome: I hate Kikyo, everyone has to always confuse me for her when she is just so ugly.

~Mina~ XD

 

[obelisk-kun]

dragonball z
goku:i'm not hungry
chi chi:my son is an idiot
chi chi:stop studying gohan
yugioh
yugi:I play the seal of orichalchos
yami yugi:dueling is for losers
joey:I HATE MAI!

 

[Shadow]

80% of Animes
Main Character: "<Insert intelligent, non-suicidal, and/or non-arrogant comment of your choice here>"

Done and done.

 

[Zero ex]

Naruto
Sakura: I prefer rock lee than sasuke.
Hinata: I love you naruto.
Jiraiya: I am bored of ladies.
Rock lee: Be my new master Kakashi.
Sasuke: I forgive you brother.
Tsunade: I want you Jiraiya.
Gaara: Yay! I have lots of friends.

Samurai champloo:
Mugen: I do not want to kill.

 

[Rift]

Pokemon:

*Ash: I'm a loser, i can never win a tournament, I quit, i'm gonna go home, throw a fit, suck on my thumb and have a glass of milk
*Ash: *drop kicks Pikachu* GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!
*Misty: I got my new Pokemon, MOLTRES!
*Brock: Misty, have my babies
*Meowth: Meowth?
*Jessie & James: Let's go be on Team Magma
*Ash: Look we're on TV! *the whole group walk up to a camera and stare*

One Piece:

*Zoro: I give up on being the best sword fighter, *throws his swords in the ocean*
*Usopp: Hi Nami how are you-*gets too close and pokes her in the eye with his nose*
*Chopper: Chopper, the blue nosed reindeer, liked to study medical areas XD
*Luffy: SCREW YOU SHANKS! *sets his hat on fire*
*Luffy: Pirates suck i give up
*Luffy: *goes swimming*

Yugioh-

*Yugi: I know summon Tim Duncan equipped with the MVP trophy card!
*Seto: I give up, Yugi you're the best, I suck at everything, Gozaboro rocks!
*Mai: Wow Puberty came late, my voice changed during this season!
*Joey: I HATE YOU YUGI YOU'VE GOT A DANG MANGA AND ANIME NAMED AFTER YOU! I WANT THIS TO BE CALLED "JOEY!!!"...Whats that? theres already a show called that?...crap
*Seto: *rolling on the ground giggling like a schoolgirl*

Dragon Ball Z-

*Goku: I give up, you're too strong for me to fight *sits on the ground*
*GT Gohan: Uh...Duh?
*Mr. Satan: *On Live TV* I did not kill Cell, It was a boy named Son Gohan, I'm really weak, I watch chick flicks, i cry when i stub my toe! I sleep with a teddy bear named Kuku
*Goku: E=Mc2

Digimon-

*Agumon: Pika! Pika, Pi, Pikachu!
*Guilmon: E=Mc2 Takato!
*Impmon: Would you like a spot of tea dear?

 

[obelisk-kun]

dragon ball z
master roshi:bulma you are so frikin ugly so is miss america
vegeta:goku I was a jerk I will never fight you agan

 

[Snivi]

Misty: *eyes Togepi* How about we have eggs?

 

[obelisk-kun]

beyblade
kai: DRAGOON!
tyson: DRANZER!
max: DRIGER!
rei: DRACEIL

 

[pokejungle]

Pokemon:

Ash: Well...pikachu...I just don't think you're cut from the right clothe my friend. I'm asking to borrow Gary's eevee for awhile.

Brock: Ash...I'm gay. AND YOU'RE SOOOOOOO HOT!

Misty: Brock...do you find me....attractive?

Ash: <insert swear word>

Gary: Ash...you're the brother I never had! *sob*

Prof Oak: Well...Prof Ivy...you're looking rather sexy in that labcoat tonight... Later on, could we, I mean, ...?

Misty: A bug pokemon...! YAY!

Misty: Water is like, SO yesterday! Come'on steel!

Max: I think you actually may be smarter than me Ash...

 

[obelisk-kun]

pokemon
gary:pokemon are for losers I've moved on *kisses nurse joy*
brock:nurse joy these ten years of mariage have benn great but I've moved on to misty

 

[Pikabloo]

Shaman King
Yoh: What do I do?! What do I do!?

 

[obelisk-kun]

pokemon
ash:good bye toto
misty caterpie you are so adorable

 

[SBaby]

Holy crap, this topic is ingenious!!! I can't believe I didn't think of it myself!!! Don't let this one die, people!!!

SBaby's list of things you'll never hear Anime Characters say:


Sailor Moon: Oh, Melvin... You're sooo hot!!!

Amy Rose: I'm leaving you Sonic! Chris knows how to treat me right...

Cream: 'Chao'-me-ha-me-HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessie, James and Meowth: We are Team Rocket, champions of Justice, and in the name of the Speed of Light, we will triumph over evil!!!

Miroku: I'm sorry ladies. As a monk, I've chosen to live a life of celibacy...

Misty: Chocolate Covered Grasshoppers? I'm there!!!

Sailor Moon: I'm Sailor Moon, yadda yadda yadda and you know the rest...

Ash: Don't worry. I've calculated the strengths and weaknesses of my team of Pokemon, and have planned for every contingency.

Any main cast member of Pokemon: Is it right for Pokemon to battle just for personal gain?

Yami Yugi: There is no way I can win this... I have nothing... My last draw was a Fake Trap... I'm done for...

Goku: Oh, great. Krillin's dead again... Let's just bring him back like always...

Vegeta: But I don't wanna fight!!

In the News:

April O' Neil: This is April O' Neil of Channel Six news, covering the incident in Cerulean City. Apparently residents were awakened last night when a high pitched scream rang through the entire city. With me now are Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy. Can either of you tell me anything?

Officer Jenny: When I ran out of the Police Station, I saw what I thought to be a ball of fire. It seemed to fall straight into the pond on the western side of town.

Nurse Joy: By the time I got there, all I could see was a dead Pikachu lying on the edge of the pond.

April: Do either of you have any theories as to how this could have happened?

Officer Jenny: Lightning could have struck it and caused it to burst into flames...

Nurse Joy: Lightning wouldn't have affected it, and it was raining, ruling out the theory of a Fire-Type Pokemon attack... Maybe it jumped off and was struck midway, like in Highlander...

April: There you have it folks... Apparently the Pikachu was attempting to imitate Highlander and jumped off the cliff, getting struck midway... It seems that television is now not only responsible for the deaths of children, but our pets as well...

 

[BlueNightmare]

Dragonball Z:

Vegeta: WHERE'S THE @$%^#@ REMOTE??? OPRAH's ON!!!!

Goku:Gohan, what the heck are you doing outside, you need to study.

Chi-Chi: Aw heck, you can finish your math later. Go to that tournament.

Vegeta: Bulma, honey, where are the tissues *sob*?

Bulma:Get the @#%#$%% tissues yourself.

 

[Mystic]

yugi:I play the seal of orichalchos

Actually he did say that. Well Yami Yugi did. I don't know if that would count as the same person.

Dragonball Z
Goku: I really should've joined my brother back then.

Sailor Moon
Setsuna: I'm tired of this whole 'Guardian of Time' job. I'm going to be a hotel manager.
Mina: I don't want to be a teen idol.

Mega Man NT Warrior
Lan: I think I'll do my school work before I save the net.
Lan: I feel bad for Willy, I think I'll join World 3.
Dex: You know, I'm not better than Lan at Net Battling.
Mega Man: These Dark Chips are delicious. Betcha can't have one.

 

[Jack O'Neill]

One Piece

Luffy: Piracy is pointless, not to mention illegal.

Luffy: I wanna go swimming!

Zoro: Screw these swords. I'm getting myself a gun.

Nami: I'm lost!


Inuyasha

Kagome: I think that we'll be better off if Naraku has these shards. *gives Naraku her sacred jewel shards*

Kagura: I'll never betray Naraku!

Koga: Inuyasha, let's be friends!

Koga: I don't like Kagome! She's got cooties!

Miroku: I don't want any of you ladies to be bearing my children!

Miroku: I'm gay.

Miroku: Hey, little girl, how old are you?
Some chick: 16.
Miroku: 18? You're first.
Some chick: Mom!
Miroku: I like where this is going. Giggedy giggedy giggedy!

Miroku: Hello, 911? Yeah, it's Miroku. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Myoga: The time for hiding has passed. Now, I fight!

Inuyasha: RUN AWAY!!!

Sango: I side with Naraku.

Sango: Why do I have to use this stupid boomerang? Why can't I just get, like, a rocket launcher or something like that?

Sesshomaru: I'm putting down my swords for good. From now on, I'm using a pistol.


Digimon

Mimi: Pink is loathsome.

Kari: You don't know the power of the dark side!

Yolei: KILL THEM!!! KILL THEM ALL!!!

Kari: Embrace your hatred, and your journey to the dark side will be complete!

Kari: Use your aggressive feelings, boy! Let the hate flow through you!


Pokemon

Misty: Bugs are cute! Ooh, look, a cockroach!

Officer Jenny: Sure, I'll accept a bribe! How much?

Nurse Joy: Euthanize them. All of them.

Jessie, James, and Meowth: Oh, why do we even bother with the motto anymore? Just attack!

 

[Phoenix Riley]

These are all from pokemon

ash: Get Lost picahu you really anoyy me just sitting on my shoulder all day

May: I am the crumist trainer anrt i?

Brock: no girls for me im on the gay diet XD

Misty: Nah its not ash for me its richie *licks richie*

Max: I want a DIGIMON now!

 

[Elite Trainer Raven]

Chi-Chi: Aw heck, you can finish your math later. Go to that tournament.

But ChiChi allowed Gohan to lay off his studies so he could compete for the Tenkaichi Budokai in the Buu saga. >_>

Things anime characters would never say, hm?

*slays every Fullmetal's yaoi dreams while he's at it*

Edward Elric: I've converted to Letoism~!

Roy Mustang: Mm, Fullmetal sure does seem better than these women.

Alphonse Elric: Nii-san, let's try reviving mom again!

Scar: Forget the teachings of Ishballa. Perhaps I can find God's true purpose for me if I sign up for the State Alchemist exam.

Gluttony: Lust, I'm full.

Envy: I hate that Fullmetal Pipsqueak so much I want to bone him~!

Armstrong: Perhaps these muscles really aren't beautiful..

Winry: Ah to hell with Automail.

Maes Hughes: Forget my wife and kid, I'd rather have Roy~! <3

So yeah. As you can see..some of the yaoi pairings that are common in the FMA world are listed here..CAUSE THEY'LL NEVER HAPPEN! >:O