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Be a guard that complains about having taken an arrow to the knee long ago to everyone they meet or
be a guard who sincerely thinks that everyone who comes talk to them wants to talk about a stolen sweetroll ?
=P
I'd rather be a guard who sincerely thinks that everyone who comes talk to them wants to talk about a stolen sweetroll, sounds like I have a pretty cushy job if that's the most pressing issue on my mind; "taking an arrow to the knee" also doesn't sound like a particularly pleasant experience.
Hmmm as Disney cartoon characters I like both Tick Tock Croc from Peter Pan and Ben Ali Gator from Fantasia, but will give the edge to aligators because there's Gator golf! Also will choose gators if I have to encounter one in real life, since aligators are less aggressive than crocodiles. Instances of them attacking people are rarer, and they are also smaller, so in the event they tried to get me I think I'd still have a better chance of getting away.