Transgender Experiences

[They call me Brandon Lee]

hi there ladies and lads i have some questions for you, i wasnt sure where to put this so feel free to move this

i was wondering how transgender people come to terms with them being trans

as in

realizin that you want to do things like the opposite sex and do the whole "lets adopt our true inner identity thing" on the outside without facing internal struggles

like theres nothing wrong with being trans or anything dont get me wrong but

how do you overcome your internal resistance, you have a desire to change but you are told its wrong, in many cases. even if you get support in many cases it can be hard to make the jump because of society. this internal difference must be unbelievably frustrating, even if you know its safe and fine and dandy, it can be hard to want to do those things, right?

i am frustrated with myself, i'm not trans and please dont try to suggest that i am, however but these answers may help me so yeah tell me your stories

THESE ARE THEIR STORIES

 

[Eden]

Trans here (male-to-female). Normally I hate talking about it but I'll bite.

I always wanted to act like every other girl since I was a little kid, but I was terrified of what my family and friends would've thought about it. I didn't find out what transsexualism was until I was thirteen, and when I did it scared me even more. After that I tried really hard to bottle it until it began to tear my mind apart when I was eighteen. Eventually I finally found someone that I could talk about it with and that contributed to me accepting myself. I came out to my mother not even a week later, and began seeing a therapist not long after.

It's been a rough road but god almighty has it been worth it. I've been starting to go out presenting female when I can. A lot of people tell me I'm passing and it's still a nerve-wracking experience every time, mostly because I get really paranoid that I'm going to be harassed, but I'm aware that's inevitable. I'm sort of lucky that most people where I live will ignore you as long as you aren't trampling their feet.


So that's me. If anyone else ends up posting here too it'll probably be a different story.

 

[They call me Brandon Lee]

congratulations i am happy for you :>

my current problem is that i have desires to do something, for some reason i have planted in my head that people will hate me for it. i do know that everyone who knows about it are supportive of the issues, my parents, my coworkers who know about it ect. however i continually worry about being able to let go of myself in order to do those desires. they dont hurt anyone and in some ways they may be helpful

i talk with my therapist about them because i want to be able to get over this hump of "its bad", ive told myself for over a decade that my wishes were somehow evil or wrong and even though i know that they arent my brain refuses to accept these things. she told me that i should just allow myself to do them and they wont hurt me, and their much better than the alternative

its almost like going through constant denial

when i allow myself to let go, which is quite difficult to do, i find myself recovering very quickly. i reduce the stress and anxiety associated with the urge to do these things. it prevents me from doing far worse. at this point im aware that these bottled up feelings will hurt me if i dont come to terms with them but i am having tremendous difficulty in doing so

it reminds me a lot of what i read about transgender people (in fact a transgender person talking about their issues made me finally admit that i needed to stop denying my own) and even though its not with gender talking with transgender people has helped with the ropes quite a bit, i appreciate your time.

 

[Flushed]

When I was struggling with deciding whether to transition or not, someone gave me advice that stuck with me: "You gotta be a little selfish sometimes." I've been a people-pleaser my entire life, and coming out as transgender would just induce all sorts of stress and problems, not only affecting me, but those around me. However, personal happiness is certainly something to strive for, and it may take effort from all different parties, but that's something you might need to look past for a moment. I've found that those who support you anyways will almost always be willing to work through whatever it is to make you happy.

I can't speak for everyone, but it gets to a point, where you can boil it down to simple pros and cons (though in reality, it's anything but simple). For me, I was at the point where deciding to transition and live a better life was definitely worth whatever risks and whatever fallout that would befall me. In regards to being trans, it wasn't hard for me to come to terms with it at all. I was kind of a late bloomer in figuring everything out, but it wasn't something I tried to push aside. It was making the decision to physically and mentally embrace this identity that was the difficult part. But I knew this wasn't something that just goes away; living the remainder of my life just trying to ignore everything would've been an unpleasant experience, so I decided that no matter the cost, that wouldn't be a proper way to spend my time on this earth.

 

[Her]

hello it is i the premier transgender icon on pokécommunity how may i be of service

What I want to start with is your insistence on not identifying with being transgender, or being misconstrued as such. May I then suggest the term genderqueer? I'm not sure what extent you want to do things as the opposite gender, but it seems that you're not describing a total shift in terms of sex/gender. You just want to do things as a girl sometimes? So, with that in mind, I think genderqueer might be appropriate. It's basically a way to describe those who are fluid in terms of their own gender. I don't like the term queer in any form myself, but perhaps that's somewhere to start if you're looking for a term to grapple on to. If you're not looking for a term, then that's your thing. But it's a start!

In regards to me, it wasn't hard to accept, just hard to process. Being trans wasn't something particularly frustrating to come to terms with, but it was something I just straight up denied for a long time because I simply didn't have the time to deal with my gender on top of everything else going on in my life. For about four years, I'd put the confusion and dysphoria in a mental box and mark it with 'DO NOT OPEN, CHRISTOPHER!!!!'. But after I left my stressful job in late 2013 and things calmed down a bit while I prepared to start university the following year, I found myself edging closer and closer towards the box until I realised that I had already opened it.

I think it really started making sense to me when one of my online friends at the time compared the feeling to wearing a mask that you can't take off. The mask is skintight, it strangles your entire body. It cuts off the circulation to your soul. You know that the mask is a mask, but to everyone else, it's who you are. That's how it first made sense to me. Like, I understood gender identity and what not beforehand, but I wasn't able to relate to it on a personal level. Somehow, I found a way to slowly chip at the mask, to come to the realisation that there was a reason why I had never felt comfortable in masculinity; there was a reason why I was jealous of women for simply existing in a way that I could not; why I always felt like one of the girls; why I hated my body so much; why I despised my genitalia; why I was the way I was. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, but not out of sadness or despair. I cried because I finally understood.

Spent about six months talking with one of my friends (and eventual boyfriend) about the issue and in about April last year I accepted my identity. Oh, there was some shame and loathing over the matter, but that faded away. It was mainly over me finding yet another reason to hate my body, but I realised that this matter is deeply connected to my body issues and that I finally have an answer. Idk, I just settled into the thought relatively well.
This is completely disregarding gender dysphoria, by the way. That thing is a bitch.

 

[They call me Brandon Lee]

hmm while it is great that you all are able to come forward about your experiences i wrote this thread more as a ask for help thing

see 20 years ago this started to happen where i kept telling myself that i was supposed to be different, that my body didn't match my internal identity, while i felt comfortable with my gender it was my body that made me feel uncomfortable, i would rather not get into many details. however if i acted fully on these urges it could really end up me getting hurt unless i was working with a medical professional

i felt a tremendous amount of shame and guilt for this and i buried it for a very long time until very recently and now i find it extremely difficult to allow myself to come out about these things. i have talked with my therapist and she does say there are some good advantages with allowing myself to act on these urges by replicating what that self would live like, and every time that i do act in this manner it relieves any feelings of discomfort i have. in fact it can happen very quickly, in less than five minutes. but i hesitate to do it because i feel a terrible amount of shame for this.

i dont want to be someone who those look at me and think theyre a freak or something. i want to just be better with myself but i feel like i can't come to terms with this side of myself. it wont reconcile. ive tried for almost two decades but no

 

[Taemin]

Gosh, hmmm... First, what about your body makes you comfortable?

I went through issues with my gender for years, and at one point almost did transition to male. At this point I've done a lot of soul searching, and have kinda settled on being agender, and most of the time I just choose to look very guyish, but I'm still physically female.

That takes a whole lot of not caring what other people think, and not caring when people in public give you dirty looks. We are nearly the same age, and it's taken me this long, maybe up until a year or two ago to stop caring. People are used to a norm, where girls have long hair, and tight clothes, and guys have short hair and wear baggy clothes. If you break those, some people get uncomfortable - which is stupid, but it's what they're used to.

You say you're not trans, so is it just that you want to be more feminine and not stuck in some stereotype?

Technically, if you know what you want, you can change anything about how you look and people who dislike it will just have to get over it.

 

[They call me Brandon Lee]

how do i explain this without revealing the true nature of the issue at hand...

it has nothing to do with gender. i know this because it has nothing to do with the expression of my gender identity. i dont feel like i need to wear a dress or go in the womens restroom. please stop suggesting its gender. i am content with my gender and always have been. i am obscuring the nature of my condition because several times in the past i have tried to seek help for it thru transgender communities with mixed results, and id rather not get involved with displaying the true nature of my condition again.

however my problem does have coping strategies that are like what a transgedner person would do such as those things. but instead they impede or hold back the use of the part(s) of my body that are in question. for the time being i have used transgender people as a model for helping me through my own problem because they handle it in a similar way. there is no information on coping through my exact problem, so i have to use a substitute.

im extremely worried about actually going about and doing these things because going and acting on these desires could hurt me physically.

when people think that... well... im my desired form, its only happened once, but it was amazing, they had no idea that i wasnt like that/transitioned/whatever you have it. it was so strange i knew they were watching me but they didnt know that i was hiding the truth.

i honestly feel like theres a brick wall in my head thats blocking my desires, i put it there a long time ago because i realized they were "bad" when i heard people talk about it. so i blocked them out. but at this point the pressure of these desires and the pressure for wanting to do such a thing is putting me at a pressure point

i do recieve the support from family and friends which is good. its not like there are people in my life who feel like they should rip me away from this problem or that it doesnt exist. however they are concerned because of the nature of the condition and i am concerned because i know that it is interfering with my work and personal life.

at this point this is interfering with my ability to work properly. the anxiety induced by the discomfort as well as the fear and shame associated with wanting to act against that is overwhelming. I get depressed and upset, I feel like I can't do it anymore and it pushes me to my edge. letting go and pretending to change myself is the only way that relieves these issues but i'm too scared to make the jump because it takes a tremendous amount of change and self-acceptance in my life to actually address it

so i asked, transgendies of PC, how you overcame your own barriers placed in your mind to attempt to silence your identity

 

[Flushed]

Gender identity is an entirely different beast than any other issue I can think of. Maybe that is the reason you've been getting "mixed results".

I guess I can see where you're coming from approaching the transgender community, so putting it in a more generalized manner: with any problem like this you're going to face roadblocks, physical, mental, social, etc. It's up to you to decide whether you think the positives will make up for the negatives. I was (and still am) pretty shy and get flustered by social interaction quite easily. I'm not well-equipped to handle something as taxing as a transition, but I figured it was something I'd have to deal with if I wanted my life to improve. You say different aspects of your life are being impeded, can you picture yourself living out the rest of your life in your current state? I don't know what you're going through, but with something like being transgender, as I said, it's not something that goes away with time. So there will always be struggles, it's up to you whether you want to run the gauntlet or not.

 

[§acred†Beo!]

I can kind of relate to what you are going through my friend.

I can remember when I was very young I always had strange urges and needs to do things that were considered "feminine". For the longest time I would wait until the house was empty (I have 4 younger brothers growing up, so it was tough to find this time) and then I would try on my mom's clothes and make up. After doing it once or twice, I would tell myself that this wasn't how I was suppose to act, that I was a "boy" and I should act like it. So I would push the feelings away for awhile. But each time they managed to come back stronger.

I remember always trying to come clean with someone close to me, because I thought it would help, holding it in seemed to slowly make me look at life very negatively. But as soon as I let someone in, I would tell them I was joking and just having fun. I was scared. I still am. To this day only one person truly knows the extent of my feelings and thoughts. That is my girlfriend, who I have been with for 3 and a half years.

They're have been times where she has let me dress up in her clothes, and do my make up etc. But for the most part I feel scared to really show her, and do these things around her. I'm afraid I will lose her. We recently moved in together, and now when she works I find myself trying on her clothes and imagining how it would feel to just go out in public like this without any looking differently at me. I just feel that at this point in my life (I am 25, I was just hired as full time teacher, and I coach multiple sports) that I can't do anything about it and I must live with this pain on the inside, of knowing I am not fully who I want to be.

They're are certain aspects I love about my life now, teaching, coaching, my girlfriend. But i'm not comfortable with WHO I am. I will go through episodes of depression form time to time where I just want to give up, but I keep pushing through, still thinking that one day these feelings will go away.

This is the first time I have openly said this on here. Sometime's its nice to talk about things, they don't seem as bad when you share and open up.

 

[Regumika]

Sacred Beo, I have a few questions (and this would apply to other.. people, too). You're just the latest post.

So, are you transgender? I mean... the definition of transgender is that you are actually the other gender than your body dictates. If, you are transgender by that definition, does that mean you're actually a lesbian because you're a girl that likes girls (your girlfriend)?

I don't see transgender associated with a guy that acts feminine or a girl that is a tomboy. Feminine and tomboy are just behaviors, not identities. I don't believe in "boy's or girl's clothes," I only believe in what looks good. Guys uses make up all time, look at the pop culture, look at Asian pretty boys. Now, if you think a man with makeup the same way as woman looks good (look up the music video "Girls Chase Boys" by Ingrid Michaelson) then that's fine. You shouldn't let society dictate how you should look (and labeling it is actually pretty silly). Look at the way fashion changed over the centuries, SOMEONE started to be different (possibly shamed) until enough people did the same and then it became the trend.

Me? I like girly things. I behave girly. I like pretty, cute, and adorable things. I would wear fancy clothes (that looks good on me). However, I know I'm male. I still have the protective/alpha/masculine nature but my behavior is more on the feminine side. I only find females emotionally (at the very least) attractive. Males only make good social friends.

I'm not sure what point I was getting at.. but just do what you want to do and stop labeling yourself and falling under a category. Though, I know the reason we label ourselves is so that we can find comfort in those that feel the same - it's human nature. We like labels. We like to fit in (safety) yet we like to be unique (valued/important).

 

[Universe]

It took me a really long time to figure out I'm genderfluid.

Really though, I knew when I was about 3 years old that something was different. I hated dresses, the color pink, and everything girly that people tried to push onto me. Puberty was a nightmare and I remember feeling ashamed just for growing up. Sometimes I wanted to be girly, but then I'd already been pressed with the term "tomboy" as a kid. So my mentality became: Oh, now if I start wanting to be feminine they'll think I'm a liar, they won't take me seriously, they'll think I'm weak-- and so I perpetuated the boyish wear and presentation for a while longer.

Then a few years later, I finally grew enough confidence to present femininely! That is, until people started treating me badly for it.. femininity was short lived. Society often makes you feel scared to be female. I present masculine at all times now, but sometimes I'll revert back into that easily-flustered state of mind.. where suddenly I feel nervous and vulnerable all over again. Perhaps I'll like dresses too, but just for a moment...

Idk if this is the kind of "obstacle story" you're looking for, but have the thing anyway. Maybe it'll help, I dunno. I don't see a genderfluid story in here yet.

 

[§acred†Beo!]

Sacred Beo, I have a few questions (and this would apply to other.. people, too). You're just the latest post.

So, are you transgender? I mean... the definition of transgender is that you are actually the other gender than your body dictates. If, you are transgender by that definition, does that mean you're actually a lesbian because you're a girl that likes girls (your girlfriend)?

I don't see transgender associated with a guy that acts feminine or a girl that is a tomboy. Feminine and tomboy are just behaviors, not identities. I don't believe in "boy's or girl's clothes," I only believe in what looks good. Guys uses make up all time, look at the pop culture, look at Asian pretty boys. Now, if you think a man with makeup the same way as woman looks good (look up the music video "Girls Chase Boys" by Ingrid Michaelson) then that's fine. You shouldn't let society dictate how you should look (and labeling it is actually pretty silly). Look at the way fashion changed over the centuries, SOMEONE started to be different (possibly shamed) until enough people did the same and then it became the trend.

Me? I like girly things. I behave girly. I like pretty, cute, and adorable things. I would wear fancy clothes (that looks good on me). However, I know I'm male. I still have the protective/alpha/masculine nature but my behavior is more on the feminine side. I only find females emotionally (at the very least) attractive. Males only make good social friends.

I'm not sure what point I was getting at.. but just do what you want to do and stop labeling yourself and falling under a category. Though, I know the reason we label ourselves is so that we can find comfort in those that feel the same - it's human nature. We like labels. We like to fit in (safety) yet we like to be unique (valued/important).

I get what you're point is, I realize I wasn't as descriptive as I could have been in my post. Its just hard for me to describe it. My mind is female, I truly feel I was born the wrong gender. Even though my body is male, I do not feel that way about myself. So yes to answer your question I am transgender.